wthsoi Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I am worried that my getting "obsessed" might stop me from having a normal relationship. I've known a girl for a few years. I started liking her pretty quickly, but she had a bf. After about a year, I (and yes, I know this was a dick move) told her she should break up with him and get with me. You'll just have to take my word on it that she had been sending out the signals. She shot me down and our mutual friend told me to leave it alone and move on. I partly moved on, dated other people, etc. But this girl was a very close friend of mine and I also saw her regularly. And there was very often some very clear chemistry between us. To make a long story short, whenever I broke up with a girlfriend or just plain had no options (I moved to a new city for work--where this girl is but I didn't have many friends here), I would always move back to thinking about this girl. Idealizing her, comparing every other girl to her, and people would never really measure up. I finally decided it was time to move on, and was fairly successfully pushing her out of my head, when her bf broke up with her. Even then, I figured I had no chance--that I was in the friend zone for sure. But then the same mutual friend who told me to leave it alone before, told me that I definitely had a great shot with her and should go for it. So I almost 100% have a good chance right now. I have another friend, though, who I've been talking to about this since Jan. (when I broke up with my last gf). Every time I get drunk with him, he gets at least a half an hour drunken speech about her. He says that I am obsessed with this girl and its weird and should ignore her because it will never work. I should go for girls that I don't know. I'm even worried that if I were to go out with her, he would tell her that I was talking about her even when she had a bf just to try to sabotage things. I doubt it--but it wouldn't be totally impossible--he thinks he always knows what is best for me. What do I do? Is it really weird/creepy/uncommon that for about two years I've been coming back to thinking about the same girl? Will that kill any chance I have with her? I know that I kind of idealize her, but I also know that she has flaws and there is a good chance we wont work out. Thoughts? Thanks...
Author wthsoi Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 To clarify, I think what I am asking is if my infatuation with her will make a relationship impossible.
TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Why would infatuation ever make a relationship impossible? You shouldn't even need to ask this. I like a girl in high school from freshman all the way up until junior year. I went out with other girls. But i was always thinking of her. Eventually she asked me out. Relationship didn't last very long but it wasn't because i liked her so much. That just doesn't make sense. And when you date her and start to see her true colors you will probably start to like her less.
youngskywalker Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Is it really weird/creepy/uncommon that for about two years I've been coming back to thinking about the same girl? It might be weird and creepy but it sure isn't uncommon. Anything is possible but you made known in the past that you were interested in her right? In that case I'd advise not to be too pursuant of her. You need to let her come around and see the light by her own free will. Best thing you can do is just be a shadow in her sight for now. Keep dating other women, look for better, put her on the back burner.
Author wthsoi Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 It might be weird and creepy but it sure isn't uncommon. Anything is possible but you made known in the past that you were interested in her right? In that case I'd advise not to be too pursuant of her. You need to let her come around and see the light by her own free will. Best thing you can do is just be a shadow in her sight for now. Keep dating other women, look for better, put her on the back burner. That was what I originally thought--but it sounds like I might be able to play it straight and see how that goes.
Lucky_One Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 She knows that you have liked her in the past. She didn't break up with her BF - he broke up with her. She has known that she could break up with him at any time and get with you. But she didn't. She chose to stick with BF until he dumped her. I would take your friend's advice, and forget about her. If you can.
Author wthsoi Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 She knows that you have liked her in the past. She didn't break up with her BF - he broke up with her. She has known that she could break up with him at any time and get with you. But she didn't. She chose to stick with BF until he dumped her. I would take your friend's advice, and forget about her. If you can. I think this would be good advice if I were sure that I easily could. But I see her fairly frequently and it's hard to squash the feelings. Do you have any advice on how to do this? The fact that I, by definition, like her more than she likes me makes me nervous. it is also kind of a turn off, but not enough to make me not want anything with her... (Note that the over-analysis below is a symptom--or maybe even the cause of--my problem). It also isn't entirely true that she could have broken up with him and gotten with me. Over that time, I've gone out with other girls--and I would not ever cheat. It's generally after I break up with them that I get feelings for her again. There is also a chance that I could have broken them up had I put effort into it. She said no--but from what my friend told me, she was considering it: my friend asked me to back off because he said it would be wrong to ruin their relationship. I just assumed that he was being nice and the girl wasn't interested, but given the way he reacted to their breakup, I'm not sure that is the case. The thing that is strange to me, is that right after they broke up, pretty much all of our mutual friends suggested that we get together.
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