Charmie Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Hi everyone, This is my first post here. So basically I was seeing this guy for the past four months. I had met him on an online dating site. Online dating is something that I would normally never do, but I decided to try, met this guy and hit it off. He was absolutely great to me, he took me out, wined and dined me. We were exclusive and for the past few weeks everything was absolutely great. It had progressed to the point where he was calling me his girlfriend and everything. I was very happy. Cue last night. I get a phone call, completely out of the blue: "I can't do this, I'm sorry. I'm so not ready for this." Needless to say he choses to do this at the worst time ever, I'm in the middle of my college finals like. No sorry, no further explanation. I hung up on him. My first instinct was to immediately defriend him on facebook. I was pretty hurt to discover that he had already taken the liberty to do that before he called me. He blocked me everywhere: emails, social networking sites etc. Then today, I went to my online dating profile to get rid of it. I found out that his previously deactivated account was back online, he was single and everything. So soon like? I am completely at a loss. I don't know what happened. I am not a needy type of girl. I never pressured him into anything. He was the one who took the first steps with exclusitivity and calling me his girlfriend etc. I'm starting to think that I was played and played bad. Opinions? It really hurts. this is the last thing I need before these exams.
OhMittens Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Seems to me that he was already looking at his options. This wasn't out of the blue for him and he already was preparing for the end of the relationship.
coolheadal Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) Yes this happen to my cousin. She met this guy online and he had taken her out the had a great time. She would call and tell me all the good parts. Then all of a sudden he fell off the radar scope. See you're lucky the guy called you to get out of this relationship. Some don't call. In my cousin case she had said the wrong thing to him which caused him to drop her. That guy you found wasn't looking for a serious relationship nor most of them like the guy that was after my cousin wanted to jump into bed after the first date. If they don't get what they want to get rid of you by calling with some lame excuse story which you got. Just block access to him that's all and don't bother with him. Technically speaking you and him don't have as of yet just dating. He can come and go as he pleases. I hate that term but pretty much how guys and gals are doing today. They don't want to get too close and if it does happen they backup out. Continue on with your studies and graduate and just sum this one up as a learning experience. You'll find Mr Right one day. Don't let this guy miss up in your mind now! He's the loser here, not you! Edited June 20, 2011 by coolheadal
stray Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Oh, god! I'm so sorry you fell for the ol' dating site scam!!! I'm certainly no statician, but 95% of guys "online" are going to do EXACTLY this to you. I made the blunder too and met my last boyfriend on a dating site, he was my first boyfriend "off the internet"; ALL of his "exs" were off the internet. He dumped me one day just like you ex did you and within MINUTES he was back on the dating site! I'm so sorry you have to go through this =( never take these guys seriously. One thing I've learned about these kinds of guys that's sort of refreshing is they NEVER find love and happiness. They just get bored with fill-in-the-blank current online girlfriend, dump her and replace her, and continue the cycle indefinitely. So don't worry, you'll find an awesome, healthy, REAL LIFE relationship WAY before he will (he potentially NEVER will).
coolheadal Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 stray, Not all of these online stuff is bad. A lot of people do it because they're shy to talk in the real world. This way everyone talks from the heart and mind concept. Sure there are bad guys and gals who are into the wrong. Those you need to week out first. I say get a pre-paid cell phone and call these people you want to met in person before you get hurt. Bring a friend along let them check out this person. They can hide or stay way from you.
stray Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I understand. But almost all the men (and probably the women!) on online dating sites (especially the free ones) are what I refer to as "serial online daters" or "lazy daters". Think about it, the person no longer has to work on their social or behavioral skills to meet people in person. They lose appreciation for the fact that compatibility is unique and rare. They settle for the fact that they're moderately compatible with dozens and dozens of women that exist on an online meat market, at their dispense, available with the click of a mouse, and they chose this option over finding and being grateful for someone whom they are truly compatible with. It's a severe and perpetual case of the "grass is greener" syndrome. Boy meets girl online, she's cool, he likes her, then she becomes a little hot to handle, and boy ditches her for someone temporarily "better" and thus the cycle continues, indefinitely. I did online dating for about 2 years, only "dating" one of them. But I kept in touch with most of the guys I went on dates with. They are all still single. And my recent ex whom I met online (the only one I really "dated") immediately went back online the second we broke up, to replace me as soon as possible. I, on the other hand, am still taking the time to get over him, and correct issues with myself that led to problems in the relationship, before trying to meet another partner in the real world. Understandably, some people are very shy, or aren't physically "competitive" (let's be honest here) or have geographical issues which impede their ability to find a good partner, and thus online dating is a god send for them. But that group of people are really the only ones who won't take online dating for granted to the detriment of any fulfilling relationship.
Recommended Posts