redsawks82 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 My ex girlfriend and I had dated for three years before we broke up about 1.5 months ago. I feel like I neglected the relationship and I moved away to go to law school and the long distance made things tough. She began to lose the "in love" feeling as I really had stopped taking care of myself during the last year. We were no longer intimate (because I didn't feel well enough because of my weight) and we kind of drifted apart. Since the break up, I have really been working out and taking care of myself, and I plan on transferring law schools to the town she lives in (mainly b/c the law school is better). Anyway, I asked her to coffee after limited contact over the last 1.5 months. We met and she definitely noticed the positive changes in me. She even called me my "pet name" once and we kept it light, laughed a bit, and didn't talk about the relationship. She needed to go after about an hour to see her father for father's day, but when we left she initiated by saying that the next time I'm in town, we should see each other. Is there any chance here? Does this look positive even though I haven't heard from her since yesterday? How should I play this?
usabup Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 My ex girlfriend and I had dated for three years before we broke up about 1.5 months ago. I feel like I neglected the relationship and I moved away to go to law school and the long distance made things tough. She began to lose the "in love" feeling as I really had stopped taking care of myself during the last year. We were no longer intimate (because I didn't feel well enough because of my weight) and we kind of drifted apart. Since the break up, I have really been working out and taking care of myself, and I plan on transferring law schools to the town she lives in (mainly b/c the law school is better). Anyway, I asked her to coffee after limited contact over the last 1.5 months. We met and she definitely noticed the positive changes in me. She even called me my "pet name" once and we kept it light, laughed a bit, and didn't talk about the relationship. She needed to go after about an hour to see her father for father's day, but when we left she initiated by saying that the next time I'm in town, we should see each other. Is there any chance here? Does this look positive even though I haven't heard from her since yesterday? How should I play this? Well nobody can say for sure how it will play out, but you sound like you have done all the right things. If I was you then I would continue to do what you have been doing, keep it light, don't bring up the past, keep LC and see where it takes you both. Let things happen natuarall). BUT, be prepared for the worst. At this point you don't know how she feels, she may just as likely see you as just a friend now. Its 50/50 at this point. I don't think people can really give you much more advice then that as you seem to have done everything to give yourself the best possible chance. Keep us updated.
Author redsawks82 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 Well nobody can say for sure how it will play out, but you sound like you have done all the right things. If I was you then I would continue to do what you have been doing, keep it light, don't bring up the past, keep LC and see where it takes you both. Let things happen natuarall). BUT, be prepared for the worst. At this point you don't know how she feels, she may just as likely see you as just a friend now. Its 50/50 at this point. I don't think people can really give you much more advice then that as you seem to have done everything to give yourself the best possible chance. Keep us updated. Thanks. Actually, she contacted me this morning after posting this. I feel like she has to know that I'm still interested in her and that continuing meeting would probably not be cool if I still wanted her back. I definitely will keep you updated.
Author redsawks82 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 As she said, when I am in town next we should meet up, well it just so happens I am going to be in her town this weekend b/c of law school transferring issues. I asked her to dinner, but she said that she had made plans both weekend nights, but wanted to grab coffee. She has initiated convo a few times over the last week, and once again, today, she called me by her pet name for me. It's a rather specific pet name, so its not like its one she'd call anyone else. How should I play this second meeting over coffee? Thanks, and how does anyone else read this situation?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 As she said, when I am in town next we should meet up, well it just so happens I am going to be in her town this weekend b/c of law school transferring issues. I asked her to dinner, but she said that she had made plans both weekend nights, but wanted to grab coffee. She has initiated convo a few times over the last week, and once again, today, she called me by her pet name for me. It's a rather specific pet name, so its not like its one she'd call anyone else. How should I play this second meeting over coffee? Thanks, and how does anyone else read this situation? you are actually playing this out very well. but when meeting don't choose a possible dating scenario like diner as you mentioned, coffee is a good thing to do, and even telling her you need a new pair of pants or a shirt would be nice (that way you can walk around and ask her opinions about the clothes you choose), mini golf or another small activity is also a good choice just don't make it seem like a date. but keep it light like you did in your last meeting. also if you have several meetings and they don't seem to be leading anywhere (possible future relationship) go NC for a while and try the meetings again.
flitzanu Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Thanks. Actually, she contacted me this morning after posting this. I feel like she has to know that I'm still interested in her and that continuing meeting would probably not be cool if I still wanted her back. I definitely will keep you updated. ok, this part bothers me. this statement you've made, that SHE would have to KNOW it isn't cool to meet you knowing you want her back? that's just naive man. she could care less. if she sees you now as her FRIEND she will continue talking to you under that assumption. at this point, either you will mistakenly say too much to her, she'll realize what you're doing and pull away from you. or, she'll remind you of boundaries. or, she'll make a move on you. honestly, outside of the breakup zone, you're in the most precarious situation you could be in right now, and every SINGLE WORD you say to her will determine the next 5 minutes of how long she is going to be around you. play it right, you keep talking. push her, she'll walk.
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