TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 My girlfriend only has four flaws that i can find. Its obvious that she loves me and i do love her. She will pretty much do anything for me without thinking twice. And i am the same for her. But she has these four flaws. 1. She is totally inexperienced. I was her first kiss and her first everything. She has had one boyfriend before me who dumped her after like a week and that was back in high school. She went to an all girls catholic school and is a devout catholic so that probably has something to do with it. Her parents never let her date and i was the first man she dated after high school. Its nice to know that i am her first everything. But i can't help but feel that maybe thats the only reason she cares for me so much. 2. Her looks. She is very pretty but i am out of her league. Its not really a problem to me but my friends have made comments. And sometimes i do find myself wishing she looked like some prettier woman. 3. She isn't a very strong woman. This is really the biggest problem for me. I like a girl who will faux fight with me over the little things. Like not actually get angry but who i can have an actual debate with. A girl who will tell me no and boss me around a little. Don't get me wrong i am a dominate guy and i like submissive girls but i also like a girl who isn't afraid to get in my face. She is the total opposite. She will pick some fights about stupid stuff but most of the time she will never even have a debate with me. She isn't opinionated at all. Like for example if i tell her that a movie she is watching sucks she will say "okay which one do you want to watch" Basically she is spineless and pretty much totally submissive to me. 4. She isn't as intelligent as me. Just being honest here. I am really smart (just saying) and she isn't. She isn't stupid or anything but i would say she is average or a bit below. She doesn't really like to read at all (although i think i am changing that) And i am an avid writer. She isn't really interested in academic stuff at all. She did well in school so i know she has the brainpower but its like she hates using her head. And she always calls herself stupid even though she isn't. Do you think those things could stop us from having a great relationship? Or are they things i could just forget about in the longterm?
Author TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 Oh and let me say that i posted this on another forum and the common consensus seemed to be that i was a "Narcissistic POS that should be shot in the head." Really i think that is a little harsh. I have just as many if not more flaws then the next person. And i am sure there is plenty of things that she doesn't like about me. I mean other then those 4 things she is my perfect woman. And the list of pros far outweighs the cons. But i am thinking of marrying this woman and i have dated her for 3 years now. I just want to make sure that these things aren't big enough that it will ruin us in the long term. SO please no flame fest.
Author TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 You are being unreasonable, especially with the first one. I don't see how any of them are problems. The first two are not huge problems for me. Its the last two that i think about more often. And let me add that me and her are perfect for each other sexually. We both love the same things in the bed.
Cee Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 From reading between the lines, your girlfriend is still developing her sense of self and confidence in the world. You can grow with her by working on your weaknesses and supporting her in her efforts to develop her interests, career and independence. One thing I find interesting is that you have pointed our her "weaknesses," but did not talk about issues within your relationship such as communication and a match in values. A mature relationship is an interactive process of give and take. Do you feel like the two of you bring out the best in each other?
Author TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) From reading between the lines, your girlfriend is still developing her sense of self and confidence in the world. You can grow with her by working on your weaknesses and supporting her in her efforts to develop her interests, career and independence. One thing I find interesting is that you have pointed our her "weaknesses," but did not talk about issues within your relationship such as communication and a match in values. A mature relationship is an interactive process of give and take. Do you feel like the two of you bring out the best in each other? I think that we communicate great. I have no problem telling her if i have a problem She used to be a little more quiet about those things but as of recently she seems to have no problem bringing up any problems that we have either. And if she does have a problem and doesn't mention it she is pretty easy to read so its not too hard to get her to tell me what is wrong. When we do have problems we usually talk about them and solve them quickly. We don't fight or argue a lot at all most of the time we are laughing and playing around with each other. As far as values goes she is a catholic. I am a satanist although i do believe in god i think organized religion is dumb. She seems to agree with me to a point but she just sees being catholic as a way of life and would never change. Other then our views on religion our values compliment each other very well. We agree on almost everything actually. I do not feel comfortable bringing up this list with her though. I have asked her about number one. More for her benefit then mine because i feel like maybe she wants to go have some other experiences. She took it as me not wanting her and it caused her a lot of heartache when i brought it up. When i told her why i brought it up she just assured me that i was the only guy she could ever want and she didn't need to have other experiences to know that. But idk how true that really is. Edited June 20, 2011 by TheCoolest
bac Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 The first two are not huge problems for me. Its the last two that i think about more often. And let me add that me and her are perfect for each other sexually. We both love the same things in the bed. IMO I agree with you that the last two are dealbreakers for a serious relationship. Sex is not important because it is going to change anyway in the long term. A LTR can survive only on emotional/intellectual connection. But, you are not connected emotionally and intellectually, therefore it is not going work in the long term.
oaks Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Oh and let me say that i posted this on another forum and the common consensus seemed to be that i was a "Narcissistic POS that should be shot in the head." So you came here for a second opinion? I was thinking that you sound quite shallow and that it's quite arrogant to think of these as her flaws rather than yours.
Author TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 How stupid can you be and I assure you it's not for the benefit of her? Women do this all the time because many hate inexperienced men but I'm surprised to see a man picking at this. How exactly am i stupid? And what is your question? And please enlighten me as to how it is not for the benefit of her? She isn't experienced but she is very willing to learn and is honestly the best i have ever had. It does not bother me that she never had any experience before me. What bothers me is that the first woman i did anything more then kiss with i ended up thinking i loved her. I would have done anything for her. I actually allowed her to walk all over me. Until she broke up with me and i realized she was a dumb tw*t to say the least. My fear is that she may very well be the same as i was. And that in the long term she will start to crave different things.
Author TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 So you came here for a second opinion? I was thinking that you sound quite shallow and that it's quite arrogant to think of these as her flaws rather than yours. Came here for a more educated opinion. And how would these things be my flaws? Are you saying that i should see it as me trying to fit to her personality instead of her trying to fit to mine? I am honestly just wondering. And yea i still don't really see how i sound shallow. But i suppose i do. I'm not a very shallow person at all. I am just honest with myself.
Star Gazer Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 You said you're a satanist?? I do think you'll have a problem with a catholic girl long term.
westrock Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Do you think those things could stop us from having a great relationship? Or are they things i could just forget about in the longterm? None of the 4 items you listed are "flaws" unless you make them so. I think it's more your attitude about these things that will stop you from having a great relationship. What bothers me is that the first woman i did anything more then kiss with i ended up thinking i loved her. I would have done anything for her. I actually allowed her to walk all over me. Until she broke up with me and i realized she was a dumb tw*t to say the least. My fear is that she may very well be the same as i was. And that in the long term she will start to crave different things. Sounds like this is the real issue bothering you. This is not about her, but really about your insecurity from a past relationship.
Author TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 It was not for her. People get dumped for being inexperienced all the time, especially men. No surprise at all that she didn't like your question. Don't blame your exes issues on her. Blame them on your ex. Well i have come to the conclusion that you are about 15. I would like to kindly ask you to stop posting in my thread. I mean i don't really need help from someone who hasn't had any relationship experience themselves. And if you would read my post more clearly you would see that my exes issues have NOTHING to do with this. The point of that little anecdote is that when you first have sex with someone it is easy to confuse those feelings with love. Not that she was anything like my ex because my ex was very experienced and pretty much the exact opposite of this girl. I will say this one more time and maybe you will get it. Her inexperience is not a problem for me in itself. The problem is that i fear that her inexperience maybe causing her to misinterpret her feelings for me.
Author TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 None of the 4 items you listed are "flaws" unless you make them so. I think it's more your attitude about these things that will stop you from having a great relationship. Sounds like this is the real issue bothering you. This is not about her, but really about your insecurity from a past relationship. I am not insecure about my past relationship. I dated that girl my freshman year of high school. I hardly think about her anymore. I am thinking about the fact that her being my first blinded me to her true colors. Get it?
utterer of lies Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 3. She isn't a very strong woman. This is really the biggest problem for me. I like a girl who will faux fight with me over the little things. Like not actually get angry but who i can have an actual debate with. A girl who will tell me no and boss me around a little. This is a total dealbreaker. I had gf's like this before. These days I rather have a raging psycho bïtch than a weak girl who always says yes.
oaks Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Came here for a more educated opinion. And how would these things be my flaws? Are you saying that i should see it as me trying to fit to her personality instead of her trying to fit to mine? I am honestly just wondering. And yea i still don't really see how i sound shallow. But i suppose i do. I'm not a very shallow person at all. I am just honest with myself. You're comparing her to you and finding her lacking. Why are they her flaws if you're the one finding her not good enough? She sounds great. If they're deal breakers then move on and let her find a guy who will appreciate her.
Author TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 I'm at least 30 and if want me gone, hit "alert us" and tell the moderator. You assume everyoen can easily find relationships at 15. You're an idiot. You don't like others without relationship experience and you've shown it here. I don't like you either. :rolleyes::rolleyes: What exactly are you talking about? When did i say that i assume everyone can easily find relationships at 15? You are making no sense. And it is obvious that you have some kind of bias towards me. I honestly do not know why. It is funny to me that a man over 30 would still be so self loathing. The reason i assumed you were a teenager is because most men find some kind of confidence in there 20's. I have no problems with people with little relationship experience. My problem with you is that half your posts do not make sense to me. And then there is the fact that you don't seem to be able to read my posts thoroughly. I mean if you don't have anything good to contribute why contribute at all? I won't even go into the whole idiot thing. Everyone is entitled to there opinion. But i mean at least i can spell everyone.
Author TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 You're comparing her to you and finding her lacking. Why are they her flaws if you're the one finding her not good enough? She sounds great. If they're deal breakers then move on and let her find a guy who will appreciate her. Yea that is what i thought you were getting at. Definitely makes a lot of sense.
Author TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 There is the "alert us" button. Use it. You can't capitalize "I". This isn't English class. You are an idiot. Why would i need to alert anyone? I just want to let you know that this is not a pissing contest. This is the last time i will reply to one of your posts since you seem to think that it is. I am not here to argue with you. I find no need to capitalize I or even use proper punctuation since as you stated this is not english class. I am an avid writer and i am pretty sure that when trying i could blow you out of the water as far as knowledge of the english language goes. You still have not enlightened me as to WHY you think i am an idiot yet you continue you to say it. Hell you haven't even really made a reply to any of my replies except for "You're wrong. You're an idiot." I am sorry you feel that way. Oh and you can hardly call me an idiot seeing as how i am younger then you yet you cannot seem to express yourself through writing in a way that makes any sense. You really shouldn't be bringing up anyones grammar seeing as how some of the things you said didn't make any sense at all. Learn how to express yourself better. And you would think your eyes would hurt from all that rolling. Are you sure you aren't an angsty 13 year old girl?
Emilia Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Responding to the original post: everyone is different, some fall hard for their first partner, others don't. Don't believe that just because you ignored the flaws of your first girlfriend, you current girlfriend will do the same in relation to you. I understand why you would prefer a stronger woman, someone who is more your 'equal' but you should also take into consideration what it would do for her confidence if you dumped her just because she is weak. I'm not saying you should stay with her out of pity, I'm saying you should make sure you don't have any kind of future before breaking up with her. I think she will be really hurt
westrock Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 What bothers me is that the first woman i did anything more then kiss with i ended up thinking i loved her. I would have done anything for her. I actually allowed her to walk all over me. Until she broke up with me and i realized she was a dumb tw*t to say the least. My fear is that she may very well be the same as i was. And that in the long term she will start to crave different things. The problem is that i fear that her inexperience maybe causing her to misinterpret her feelings for me. I am not insecure about my past relationship. I dated that girl my freshman year of high school. I hardly think about her anymore. I am thinking about the fact that her being my first blinded me to her true colors. Get it? Looks like you are worried that since you are your current woman's first, that she will be blinded to your true colors similar to you being blinded to your ex's true colors. Just because you misinterpretted the feelings you had with the the first woman you did anything with, that does not mean that your current woman will misinterpret her feelings for you. As I said before, this has to do with your past insecurity in what happened with you and your ex and your fear that your current woman is in the same position that you were in earlier.
Author TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 Looks like you are worried that since you are your current woman's first, that she will be blinded to your true colors similar to you being blinded to your ex's true colors. Just because you misinterpretted the feelings you had with the the first woman you did anything with, that does not mean that your current woman will misinterpret her feelings for you. As I said before, this has to do with your past insecurity in what happened with you and your ex and your fear that your current woman is in the same position that you were in earlier. I see what you are saying now. I thought you were trying to say that i thought that she was like my ex. But yea you are exactly right.
O'Malley Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Her inexperience is not a problem for me in itself. The problem is that i fear that her inexperience maybe causing her to misinterpret her feelings for me. Since you're aware that you don't realistically have a long term investment in this relationship, it's only fair towards her that you end it, without projection or going into detail about flaws. You're incompatible, nothing more or less, you'll both move on. It's likely that she already has, or will at some point, pick up on your perceptions about her intelligence and the supposed weaknesses in her character, and incorrectly perceive that the problem is due to her deficiencies, rather than yours. To foster her insecurities about herself and to continue to allow her attachment to you grow when you know that things aren't really working is wrong. If you're as intelligent as you've portrayed yourself to be, you'll know what is the right thing to do for her, not you.
HappyPanda Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I think the biggest deal breaker for you shouldnt be the list you've concocted, but more so the fact that you dont seem to respect her very much... That would be reason enough for me.
Kaplan Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I mean other then those 4 things she is my perfect woman. So in other words, she's perfect in every way except physically, emotionally, and mentally? I think these things are problems if you perceive them as such. I mean, you shouldn't be with her if you're thinking "I wish she was more attractive" or "man, she's stupid" every time you look at her. You also probably shouldn't be with her if you think she doesn't deserve you. On the other hand, if you love her and respect her for who she is and are only aware of these "flaws" on a purely intellectual level than they are not really problems.
alethean Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 you said you're a satanist?? I do think you'll have a problem with a catholic girl long term. +1 ...................
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