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Want to believe its his loss, but know its really my loss...

RuinedLife

By RuinedLife
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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RuinedLife Established Member

RuinedLife

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I've been trying so hard to convince myself that its my ex bf's loss if he doesn't want me in his life anymore, but its so hard because in many many ways its clearly my loss.

 

I know I've been posting way too much guys. I'm just so lonely. My consultant is coming to see me this afternoon and I'm definitely going to tell him in detail how badly I've been feeling. Its just a struggle for me just to get through each day now and the future ahead seems pitch black. I know this is my depression talking. But it scares me how this darkness seems to be closing in on me no matter how I try and escape. I did lots of things to try and distract myself yesterday, hung out with family etc, but I just think about my ex constantly, how much I love him and how I threw my relationship away for nothing. I would literally do almost anything to take it back at this point. I'm so scared. So terrified of life without him. :(

HeartOfAPhoenix Established Member

HeartOfAPhoenix

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It is his loss though. just like it's my ex's loss that I'm not a part of her life any more.

 

if you loved him like I loved her they are the ones losing out on our affection, attraction, intimacy, support, and our lives.

 

you said he doesn't want you in his life any more and you want him. that puts you in a place of power, you can proudly say that you wanted to work things out while he ran away like a coward. when you said "I love you" it had a true value.

dreamscape123 Established Member

dreamscape123

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That is part of the shock, and grieving process... I felt exactly the same way,and in many ways still am feeling it, but you have to understand that it will get better. How long this will take is different in every person.

 

It does not matter how many times you post on here, people do understand how you are feeling, and being on here does help... Talking to people who are feeling, or have felt your pain too helps. That is why ultimately why we are all on here.

 

Have you managed to spend any time out with friends? or tried taking up a new hobby to fill the time ?

dreamscape123 Established Member

dreamscape123

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you said he doesn't want you in his life any more and you want him. that puts you in a place of power, you can proudly say that you wanted to work things out while he ran away like a coward. when you said "I love you" it had a true value.

 

we seem to be following each other around these forums...lol... again, very good point you made there...... and also something i am going to think long and hard about in my situation too....

Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

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Posted

Ruined when I think of my ex, I always ask myself the same thing. How could he throw itall away so easily?

dreamscape123 Established Member

dreamscape123

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Posted
Ruined when I think of my ex, I always ask myself the same thing. How could he throw itall away so easily?

 

 

yup I thought the same thing in my situation, when my g/f dumped me...it was completely out of the blue... I thought how could they do that after all this time? Did it not mean anything to them, and in my case she went off with a new guy a week later... It makes you wonder what they actually thought about the time you were together... comes as a shock....

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RuinedLife Established Member

RuinedLife

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It just really hurts when I love my ex bf more than ever and think about him all the time, and he likely rarely if ever thinks about me anymore.

 

I've know idea if he's got someone new or not, but its quite likely I know and just the mere thought is like a stab through my heart :(

WTRanger Established Member

WTRanger

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You can't escape the darkness if you believe your future is going to be dark. If you think you are a failure, then that's what you become. Your own thoughts are the only thing keeping you here. You refuse to believe other wise. No one can help you until you yourself believe differently. You can get all the help and advice the world has to offer, but until you change your mindset it will all go to waste.

 

Stop focusing on the ex, the why's, what-ifs, coulda's, shoulda's, woulda's and so on. STOP IT! Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop! Look where it's taking you! Do you really enjoy where you are at? You have these slight moments where I think you are finally going to snap out of this, then BAM! you are right back to this whoa-is-me mentality. I thought you were going to change your user name to something less depressing?

 

Remember, you are allowing yourself to be in the dumps. Everything is within your control to make the change. But, I think you've become adapted to feeling like crap every second of your life. I think you fear being happy. It's a change that you aren't willing to make. It's easier to just sit and be miserable. Rather than make yourself happy, you have to latch onto another human being to be happy. You have tied your entire self-worth and happiness to an external source. You have this idea that if you had your ex, you'd be happy. I'm here to tell you that it's absolute crap. Only you can make yourself happy.

 

You think if you just hang out with family and do things that it will help you? That's only half-right. If you do that but allow your mind to take you back to the dark places, then it doesn't work. You have to control your mind and be committed to fighting your mind. It will not happen over night and the give-up everything attitude is just killing you. And that's exactly what you did. You were just miserable around family. It sounds as if you'll try something for 2 seconds, then when it doesn't work right away you are back to living in misery because that's all you know right now. It's your comfort zone, and you don't want to leave it.

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RuinedLife Established Member

RuinedLife

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You can't escape the darkness if you believe your future is going to be dark. If you think you are a failure, then that's what you become. Your own thoughts are the only thing keeping you here. You refuse to believe other wise. No one can help you until you yourself believe differently. You can get all the help and advice the world has to offer, but until you change your mindset it will all go to waste.

 

Stop focusing on the ex, the why's, what-ifs, coulda's, shoulda's, woulda's and so on. STOP IT! Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop! Look where it's taking you! Do you really enjoy where you are at? You have these slight moments where I think you are finally going to snap out of this, then BAM! you are right back to this whoa-is-me mentality. I thought you were going to change your user name to something less depressing?

 

Remember, you are allowing yourself to be in the dumps. Everything is within your control to make the change. But, I think you've become adapted to feeling like crap every second of your life. I think you fear being happy. It's a change that you aren't willing to make. It's easier to just sit and be miserable. Rather than make yourself happy, you have to latch onto another human being to be happy. You have tied your entire self-worth and happiness to an external source. You have this idea that if you had your ex, you'd be happy. I'm here to tell you that it's absolute crap. Only you can make yourself happy.

 

You think if you just hang out with family and do things that it will help you? That's only half-right. If you do that but allow your mind to take you back to the dark places, then it doesn't work. You have to control your mind and be committed to fighting your mind. It will not happen over night and the give-up everything attitude is just killing you. And that's exactly what you did. You were just miserable around family. It sounds as if you'll try something for 2 seconds, then when it doesn't work right away you are back to living in misery because that's all you know right now. It's your comfort zone, and you don't want to leave it.

 

Spot on here!! Couldn't agree more that only I have the ability to make myself happy. And can't deny that I am in a comfort zone of wallowing right now. Is no point in denying it really since its so obviously true.

 

Well, as there isn't much I can say to convince myself, let alone you, right now that I am truly, once and for all, and irreversibly moving on...

 

So instead I will tell you a random story about a turtle crayon. Ok so this turtle crayon swam through a sea of buttons to a land of ice cream cookie puffs. Here me munched and added his name to the board of reptilian biscuits. It wasn't long before a strawberry fruit penguin stepped out and gave them his ticket to jellyton station. Once on the train the two of them plan to escape to a land of new adventures, meet new friends, live in a wigwam made of sugar canes and listen to Link Park music on the radio. Indeed it is a brilliant life these amigos have ahead and I for one intend to practice my wafer surfing every day until I reach the very top of that milky wave and tipple over into their midnight popcorn dance party. :)

 

(i.e. I will do my best to never give up! But it is difficult when I feel so ill physically at the moment and I'm sure all the pain meds I'm on must skew my thinking slightly, I'm sure some purple fish with a snail shell on his head whispered that idea to me, I just can't remember his name... Damn it.. still nothing... its really bugging me!)

WTRanger Established Member

WTRanger

Posted
Posted
Spot on here!! Couldn't agree more that only I have the ability to make myself happy. And can't deny that I am in a comfort zone of wallowing right now. Is no point in denying it really since its so obviously true.

 

Well, as there isn't much I can say to convince myself, let alone you, right now that I am truly, once and for all, and irreversibly moving on...

 

So instead I will tell you a random story about a turtle crayon. Ok so this turtle crayon swam through a sea of buttons to a land of ice cream cookie puffs. Here me munched and added his name to the board of reptilian biscuits. It wasn't long before a strawberry fruit penguin stepped out and gave them his ticket to jellyton station. Once on the train the two of them plan to escape to a land of new adventures, meet new friends, live in a wigwam made of sugar canes and listen to Link Park music on the radio. Indeed it is a brilliant life these amigos have ahead and I for one intend to practice my wafer surfing every day until I reach the very top of that milky wave and tipple over into their midnight popcorn dance party. :)

 

(i.e. I will do my best to never give up! But it is difficult when I feel so ill physically at the moment and I'm sure all the pain meds I'm on must skew my thinking slightly, I'm sure some purple fish with a snail shell on his head whispered that idea to me, I just can't remember his name... Damn it.. still nothing... its really bugging me!)

 

See, this is what I'm talking about. You know where you need to go, you realize you are in this bad place right now but then you go and make excuses as to why you can't get there. Those excuses just keep you stuck in this rut. The nice, familiar rut.

 

The journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single footstep.

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