archivist Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Hi LS, I am a returning user, but I'm not here to talk about my old relationship. That ex and I still talk occasionally and we've both come to peace with our old relationship thanks to the great help and support from every here last year. So let me firstly thank all the strangers on this site who kindly offer help or insight into our messy love lifes. I've been with my current ex/gf (not sure what to call her right now) for 7 months. We had an amazing time, our parents have met and love each other our familys and friends think we are an amazing couple. We both really think we are the one for each other. We tell each other that we love each other all the time, this realtionship is so good. I realy can't fault our relationship, she spend quality time together, we take part is lots of activitys and we are visit friends and family members together. She is a flight attendent, she just started her job when we just hit it off. Shes very attractive and knows it, I always knew I had to becareful as men throw themselves at her all the time. I have always been able to trust her and she has always been good. It is true flight attendents don't have much to do other then to go out with the girls and shop and party whilst away. But she is different, she doens't like that lifestyle, shes alcohol intolerant, she visits her family when away. That is until 2 weeks ago, when she was out, she said she cheated on me, someone kissed her and she kissed him back, she said she was drunk. All her colleagues can't believe she doesn't drink and they always get her to drink by peer pressure. Sometimes she should solcialise with her colleagues and peers, but she's usually very good. She says she's confused, she thought she loved me unconditionally but she does not know why she would kiss another man back. Now shes questioning her comitment to me, she feels so much guilt she can't get over it and believe maybe our love is not as strong as we both think it is, she broke it off with me because of that. I was so angry, shouted at her and gave her all her stuff back and told her to leave my place. I said I am so shocked and disappointed. I just can't talk to her properly I said we will talk when I've calmed down. I had an awful nights sleep yesterday must have only realy slept for 3 hours. Now it's the morning and I'm not in such a state. I can't sort my emotions out, I am in total shock, one minute we are the happiest couple around then it all falls down around me last night. She is flying out this morning and will be back in 4 days. I just don't know what to do right now. I know the normal advice; NC, move on let her think about what she done etc. I just want another clear the air talk, one where I won't fly into a rage. I want to ask her, why she did this? Why she why the guilt is so bad she just wants to end it? There has to be a reason, drunkness is not an excuse, there is a deeper reason somewhere, she may not even tell me right now but it's too early for me to just accept and move on. I think I can forgive her, but only she understands why she did this and what caused it, and if we can avoid this from happening again. You may all think I'm blinded by love and maybe I am. But she is so much better then this, this is not her real character. Her family will be shocked and I know they will take my side. But using them as emotional leverage is not the way forward and I know it.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I understand wanting that one last talk where you get everything out in the open. I tried this a few days after my break up and I would STRONGLY suggest that you go NC for at least a little while before having this talk. when my ex and I had this talk, I can look back now and see that I was running off pure emotion in the midst of it and I walked away with no feasible excuse for her leaving me. Point I'm trying to make is sure you can have the talk, just remember she is most likely hurt to. go NC until the air settles and your emotions won't be driving your conversation.
Author archivist Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 I will definitely take that into consideration, that was how I was yesterday. I have 4 days until she returns and hopefully clear my head. I am clearly still not right, reading back my my first post is was rambling and full of grammatical errors. Thanks for for the advise, sometimes it's very obvious but you are blinded by emotions.
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