daisydukes Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I am 33 years old and haven't dated much. I have dated men but they haven't last long either they cheat on me or I find out they are jerks. Am I an old maid?? I meet different men and they are shocked when I say nope never been married nope I do not have any kids or when I tell them my longest relationship was 6 months. I am an attractive lady but I just haven't dated much does that make me an old maid or pathetic??
thatone Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 not really. it makes you more desirable than the divorced 30-somethings with 3 small kids running around. and considering a lot of men are in the same boat, having foregone dating in their 20s to work their way through grad school and such, you should have no trouble finding relationship material out there.
daeemann Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 True. I always hated when I find out a woman has been previously divorced and already has children from the previous marriage. Ideally, I would want to be with a woman who doesn't have children and hopefully hasn't been married before.
musemaj11 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Yes, you are a spinster. But a spinster is indeed better than a divorced woman with children.
grkBoy Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I am 33 years old and haven't dated much. I have dated men but they haven't last long either they cheat on me or I find out they are jerks. Am I an old maid?? I meet different men and they are shocked when I say nope never been married nope I do not have any kids or when I tell them my longest relationship was 6 months. I am an attractive lady but I just haven't dated much does that make me an old maid or pathetic?? No. If you're an attractive woman who has her life together, then it makes you more valuable in the dating realm. Not stroking your ego, but you're 33, no kids, no past exes or baggage (hopefully), and if you're life is together then it means you'll be a benefit to the life of the man who takes you up...rather than a liability. I see enough guys complain how the dating pool when you're older sucks because it's loaded with burned/scorned women, single moms, psychos, etc. If a guy is going to reject you because you've never been married, then he's losing out. It's the same when women judge a man that way. One should not come down on a person for not being married at least once by their 30s unless this person is a playa.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I am 33 years old and haven't dated much. I have dated men but they haven't last long either they cheat on me or I find out they are jerks. Am I an old maid?? I meet different men and they are shocked when I say nope never been married nope I do not have any kids or when I tell them my longest relationship was 6 months. I am an attractive lady but I just haven't dated much does that make me an old maid or pathetic?? No it doesn't make you an old maid or pathetic, and as others have stated, not being divorced and having no children is a plus. However, you have to be honest with yourself. The fact that, by the age of 33, you've been unable to find a man for a long-term relationship (and apparently not for the lack of trying on your part) has something to do with the way you are. You can't just blame it on men and say they are all cheaters and jerks. If this is the only type of men you meet, than obviously there is something wrong with your selection criteria.
Author daisydukes Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 I guess you could say I am drawn to them. I find a great guy ( or so I think) and he turns out to be a cheating scumbag,player,etc but I have learned. I watch out for red flags now:bunny:
Enchanted Girl Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I agree with what people have been saying. I am younger than you, 25 years old, but the majority of women my age have had children and/or have been married. My current boyfriend and other men I have dated have told me directly that the fact that I don't have children and have never been married makes me a much hotter match for them.
iris219 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 However, you have to be honest with yourself. The fact that, by the age of 33, you've been unable to find a man for a long-term relationship (and apparently not for the lack of trying on your part) has something to do with the way you are. You can't just blame it on men and say they are all cheaters and jerks. If this is the only type of men you meet, than obviously there is something wrong with your selection criteria. I disagree to a certain extent. I've found that it's very hard for women in their 30's to find suitable dates. By this age (I'm 32) many of the good men are taken. There simply aren't a lot of options, so it's not necessarily anything the OP is doing wrong.
Woggle Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 It just shows that you don't have a ton of baggage that made you bitter towards men which you will make any future man pay for.
Author daisydukes Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 Exactly thank you Iris that is what I am trying to say.
thatone Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I disagree to a certain extent. I've found that it's very hard for women in their 30's to find suitable dates. By this age (I'm 32) many of the good men are taken. There simply aren't a lot of options, so it's not necessarily anything the OP is doing wrong. i disagree. I guess you could say I am drawn to them. I find a great guy ( or so I think) and he turns out to be a cheating scumbag,player,etc but I have learned. I watch out for red flags now:bunny: it doesn't sound like you've learned. all the red flags in the world won't make any difference. it's the choices you made that were wrong, it's not the object of the choice that was wrong. as a few of us men like to point out on a regular basis on this forum, the perfect man does not exist any more than the perfect woman exists. if you want an intellectual man, he probably won't look like the trainer at the gym. if you want the trainer at the gym, he probably won't be very smart. if you want the bad guy, he's not going to turn sensitive and compassionate just because he's with you. if you want the good guy, he's not going to have the bad guy attitude. you have to choose what you want. and mutually exclusive traits are in fact mutually exclusive. the reason stereotypes exist is because very often those stereotypes are true. you can't disregard them and expect them to go away.
iris219 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 The worst part is many women in their 30s that haven't dated much won't date a man with a similar amount of experience. How does this pertain to my post? You're starting to sound like a broken record. Most women don't want to date men who are obsessively repetitive. Give it rest already.
Enchanted Girl Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 The worst part is many women in their 30s that haven't dated much won't date a man with a similar amount of experience. I think its good for men in that situation to consider dating younger women. Not defending women in their 30's who do this, but just saying. I dated a guy for awhile who was 32, a virgin, and never had a girlfriend before. (I was 24 at the time.) It didn't work out between us because he was too far away, but I think I could have been a good girlfriend to him because there was so many things about relationships that he just didn't get and I had the patience to teach him.
iris219 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 thatone, or Neal, not sure which you prefer, I speak from my experiences and the experiences of my female friends (so not everyone's experience clearly). There are very few single men over 30 where I live. If you've followed my posts, this is my theme--complaining about the lack of single men. I ask people I know all the time if they have any single male friends and they either say no, or yes, but you don't want to date him: he's so obese he can't leave the house or he has autism. These are actual examples from my life. I even considered the autistic guy (and i'm a pretty good catch--educated, successful, social, funny, and attractive), but apparently it was pretty bad. I rarely meet single men my age. I've been on 2 dates this year (these were in the past 2 weeks) and one sort of date with a friend I've known for 7 years.
thatone Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) thatone, or Neal, not sure which you prefer, I speak from my experiences and the experiences of my female friends (so not everyone's experience clearly). There are very few single men over 30 where I live. If you've followed my posts, this is my theme--complaining about the lack of single men. I ask people I know all the time if they have any single male friends and they either say no, or yes, but you don't want to date him: he's so obese he can't leave the house or he has autism. These are actual examples from my life. I even considered the autistic guy (and i'm a pretty good catch--educated, successful, social, funny, and attractive), but apparently it was pretty bad. I rarely meet single men my age. I've been on 2 dates this year (these were in the past 2 weeks) and one sort of date with a friend I've known for 7 years. you can call me neal, i have my name in the sig for a reason. consider moving? i've moved around a lot, albeit for professional reasons not personal ones. dating prospects here are slim too, to be honest, but i find a few here and there. if i met someone elsewhere i'd move again. i have an older cousin a state away, actually, who is determined to set me up with women near her, and if one of those did work out i'd simply leave. just as there are bad people there are bad places. i have no qualms about saying that every place in the state i live in outside of the city i live in is awful and has little or no redeeming quality. i describe the rest of this state as "somewhere you drive through on the way to someplace better". it's a choice like anything else. adults told us when we were growing up to keep 6 months of money saved up for emergencies. is a bad dating pool an emergency? it could be, depending on how you value the dating pool. spend that money on extended trips to other places, go meet the people there, and see how you like them. if you read my other post in the "physical type" thread regarding having an intellectual attraction to someone who was physically unattractive (but only due to weight) you'd see that i'm sort of settling at the moment on a non sexual relationship just to see how it works out. but in the back of my mind i assume it's probably not going to be marriage potential, just relationship potential. i suspect she accepted that because she also has few options, the dating pool doesn't suit her either. am i terrible for thinking and doing that? is she? will we find other people 3 or 4 months from now and happily part ways? will she be heartbroken when she starts hinting at marriage and children and i tell her no? will she revert back into food and gain 50 pounds again after that? will she discover better options when she loses the weight and ditch me for those better options? will we have a great time traveling together for years and the above rough spots never come up? the answer to all of those is "definitely maybe". neither of us know. in the short term, we seem to want the same things, so i'll go with that and see what happens. i have to accept the fact that there's a reason why i'm here. in my case it's not a job this time, it's the fact that i bought an old building to restore and i have far too much money/time/sweat invested in working on it to let it go right now. so i stay. if a woman somewhere else changed my mind and seemed more important than the building i bought here, i could simply sell it and leave, or maybe she could move to me. in the meantime all i can do is the best i can do. Edited June 20, 2011 by thatone
grkBoy Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I guess you could say I am drawn to them. I find a great guy ( or so I think) and he turns out to be a cheating scumbag,player,etc but I have learned. I watch out for red flags now:bunny: What kinds of guys are you generally into?
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