bsaez843 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 My gf dumped me back in may. I realize that i was too possessive and jealous. After a few weeks no nc she texted me to say whats up. I asked her out for a drink. We met a couple weeks later. The meeting went great. We talked, laughed, flirted with each other. After that we started talking regularly again. I hinted at another date she gladly agreed;said shed let me kno when. She never did but continued to call and text just to chat. Thena week or so later she calls late at night when shes drunk,asks if i wanna chill. Then she daid shes tired and wants to go to sleep. That was 2 weeks ago. Ive asked her out a couple times since then,and just like before she gladly accepted but still hasnt made an actual date. Every time she calls its just for chitchat. I love her dearly and our relationship was amazing til i started acting jealous. But at the same time i cant keep chasing her if it isnt goin anywhere. Im tempted to tell her that if she only wants to chitchat she should leave me alone. Am i jumping the gun or should i juzt ignore her a bit? Im afraid to lose her forever but at the same time im slightly fed up. Im in limbo. Keep in mind our first meetup was about a month ago. Weve just been talking and texting since then.
citrusdrop1688 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I'm in limbo myself. And I've been in limbo for a while. My ex and I broke up towards the end of January and have been trying to work on things and see what happens although we do have the understanding that neither of us will be seeing or sleeping with other people. I was having some jealousy and insecurity issues, along with some over reacting issues that majorly pushed us towards a break up. I've also made alot of mistakes in the last five months we've been seeing what happens. The hardest thing about limbo is that if your having jealousy and insecurity issues and you know the person you care about isnt with you, and your not getting to see them much it can make some of those characteristics come out even more. And its really confusing. There have been a few times that ive just been so emotionally wrecked from the situation and trying to figure out his intentions that I almost thought it would be better to just walk away. I think its really important to have a discussion with her and clarify why she is calling you. Theres a chance that she remembers how things were and wants to make sure things are different before she decides to move forward so she doesnt get hurt again. There is also a chance that you are something thats comfortable and familiar to her and shes talking to you to feel good but may have NO intention of getting back together. Ask her, because a woman knows if shes open to working on things or not. Dont push her into getting back together now. Just see if shes open to the possibility and tell her you need to see just a little that confirms that if she is.
Author bsaez843 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 yea i was very jealous and insecure during our relationship. but she didnt make it easy. we met on plentyoffish.com. when we got together we agreed to delete our profiles, i did immediately, but she lied. later on towards the end of the relationship a friend told me he saw her profile on there and it was active. i saw it and called her out on it. she blatantly lied to my face; she told me just forgot to delete it and she was only logging on to talk to friends, of course i told her thats bull****! she started to sweettalk me and change the subject. the next day she admitted she was dating several guys. she said she hadnt done anything yet but she coulddnt promise that. ive been in a lot of relationships and this was the best girl ive ever had. our chemistry and connection was amazing. its almost like we can read each others minds, weve shared so much, weve never even had a real fight before. during nc she sent me a text. these were her exact words, "youre perfect in every way, very attractive, super sweet, we get along so well, youre the best lover ive ever had, but i dunno, i have to re-evaluate things i guess." i have a feeling shes stringing me along now cuz shes in a rebound and she wants to keep me around just in case it doesnt work with this new *******. i cant even date cuz it doesnt feel the same, unfortunately im fiercely loyal. i never lied or cheated on her but even now i still cant think about other girls. but thanks, the next time she calls im gonna tell her to either make a date with me or leave me alone cuz the more she strings me along the more it kills me.
Author bsaez843 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 also, ever since we brokeup, i immediately went into nc and i was very strict with it. since we started speaking again i havent acted needy, desperate, or insecure in any way. ive been totally cool and confident. im sure shes in a rebound now but youre right shes probably testing me as well to see if im gonna crack and act needy again.
Ultrasonic Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 You're not leading her enough for the dates. Women aren't AS logical thinkers as guys are when it comes to emotions and relationships. (This is a generalization, and no I'm not sexist, it's simple psychology). So thinking that she's "Testing" is a leap; she may be wanting you to do something more. Whenever you ask her to go out and get drinks or to hang out; you need to set a date; while leaving it open. So instead of "Hey we should go somewhere, some time". You should be saying "Hey, let's go over to Joe's this saturday and get a drink?". Women find guys that can lead more attractive; and definitely prefer a guy that's decisive, instead of leaving everything up to her. So whenever you simple say "Let's go do something some time, what do you think?" You're just leaving the ball in her court; and that may be what's causing her to never actually set up a date with you. The easiest way to battle insecurity is to be confident. Be confident that she wants to date you, that she wants to be with you. Show confidence and that you can live without her in your life. That's why NC exists; it shows the other person that you're not hung up on them. That if you can move on and be fine without them there.
Author bsaez843 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 ive thought about that and youre definitely right about leading. that was one of her complaints while we were together, she said she didnt like always planning the dates. unfortunately im so laid back i can get lazy and indecisive. the first couple times i asked her out after the breakup i def just said hey lets meet for a drink or something. ill wait a week and ask her out again with a definite time and place. cuz i kno her very well. shes brutally honest and direct. if she didnt want to see me again or spend time with me she would tell me flat out. shes def shown a lot of interest and excitement about hanging out again. unfortunately our natures arent helping matters. im lazy and indecisive and shes extremely flaky and forgetful lol. im gonna try and take a more direct and forceful approach, that would certainly be a surprise for her.
Ultrasonic Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 ...don't be FORCEFUL lol, but be direct, and confident.
wilsonx Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 it looks like your friendzone man... your 2nd post says it, shes stringing you along because shes in a rebound... go nc and date someone else
Author bsaez843 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 I thought that she might b in a rebound but i have a feeling shes just dating casually from that same website. When we first met and started dating she was still logging on to her profile and talking to dudes so im not that worried about that. She told me i was only the second bf in her life. Shes just been dating casually for the past four years. Shes really picky and she prefers to hang out with guys. Most of her friends r guys. Shes def a tomboy. I dunno, cuz shes lied to me before. So im not gonna contact her again. I kno shes gonna hit me up this week so if its chitchat ima tell her goodbye.
Author bsaez843 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 ha go figure! she called me a couple days ago to apologize for bein so flaky lately. shes coming to my apartment tomorrow night and im gonna cook her dinner. wish me luck!
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