new0726 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Girlfriend of almost a year and i are having issues. She says she doesn't want to leave but she doesn't feel like I am happy. She says she wants to let me go so I can find someone that makes me happy. Im not going to beg for her to stay or anything. but she really does make me happy. The only problem we seem to have is that she doesn't like reassuring me that she loves me or wants to be with me. And I don't consider myself an insecure person, but it is nice to be reassured every now and then. I don't know how to get her to stay...even though she doesn't want to leave. I figure she probably will just because she doesn't think I'm happy. Any ideas anyone?
SimplePleasures Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Well, it sounds to me as if you need tosit her down and tell her that you love her, care about her and want her to stay. That you are not interested in seeing anyone but her. As far as her not liking to reassure you goes.. I wish I had an answer to that. I was in a similar situation once where my ex bf NEVER would tell me he loved me, but some people are just very uncomfortable with showing affection. Also in some ways when he DID say it unprovoked it REALLY meant something to me. Sometimes people throw around that word so often it loses its' meaning. Actions speak louder than words. Talk it out, and tell her how you feel. Good luck, hope it works out!
USMCHokie Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 She says she doesn't want to leave but she doesn't feel like I am happy. She says she wants to let me go so I can find someone that makes me happy. Loosely translated: She is not happy and does not want to be with you anymore. She wants to shift all the blame off of herself so she can be the righteous one to make herself feel better about leaving you. Just say ok and be done with it. She has essentially dropped the pack.
Author new0726 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 Well, it sounds to me as if you need tosit her down and tell her that you love her, care about her and want her to stay. That you are not interested in seeing anyone but her. As far as her not liking to reassure you goes.. I wish I had an answer to that. I was in a similar situation once where my ex bf NEVER would tell me he loved me, but some people are just very uncomfortable with showing affection. Also in some ways when he DID say it unprovoked it REALLY meant something to me. Sometimes people throw around that word so often it loses its' meaning. Actions speak louder than words. Talk it out, and tell her how you feel. Good luck, hope it works out! I understand what you're saying. and I'm not one to want reassurance every 5 minutes of the day or anything. It's just nice to know the other person is there. Ya know? And as far as her trying to put the blame off on me so she can get out. I don't think thats the case really. She hasn't stopped talking to me at all. She keeps asking if we're going to be okay and things. I just need to figure out what to do.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 not to scare you or anything but this sounds like the end of my relationship. we had communication problems (which I didn't notice until after she dumped me). I know if I could go back I would have sat down with her, figured out why she thinks I was unhappy, asked her if she could change anything what would it be, and followed through with the plan. also if you would change anything, tell her what it is and why. (I can't remember the exact statistic but I believe it's something like 95% of relationships fail because of poor communication, I think that came from a study from yahoo) I think she is having doubts in the relationship and as someone else already mentioned is shifting the blame on you. honestly I wish I did do all those things but we both did nothing and now she's gone.
Author new0726 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 That sounds like a good idea. Actually a few weeks ago..I asked her to marry me. It was kind of spontaneous, but I asked her (without a ring) and she didn't hesitate at all and said yes. But now I am afraid I am going to lose her. I want to show her that I am happy in the relationship...I'm thinking of selling my motorcycle to buy her the ring she wants. And proposing (for real this time). I know it probably sounds foolish. But I think this may be the way to go. To show her that if I am willing to commit like that then obviously I am happy if I want to spend the rest of my life with her...
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 is there another way you could possibly show her you are willing to commit that doesn't involve proposing or selling your motorcycle? maybe just the talk in general will be enough to show her that you are willing to commit to the relationship, just don't want to see you on here with a break up story involving a lost motorcycle and girlfriend lol. I'm not saying don't propose but I recommend waiting a little while to see where the talk brings you.
Author new0726 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 Haha. I guess you are right. It's just ever since I asked her to...she has been dropping not-so subtle hints about getting a ring and really doing it the right way. Like we will be laying in bed and she'll be like....I want to marry you, and I say the same and she says, well I guess you better make it official, wink wink. And we also work together, and she will walk down the hall past the room in which I work and point to her ring finger and smile. But you are probably right. Although being without a motorcycle wouldn't really hurt my feelings, I had a minor wreck on it a few days ago and hurt my leg...so it's probably a better idea for it to go before I kill myself on it. Haha.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and I'm pretty confident that you can easily strengthen your relationship just by the info you have shared. keep us updated on how you proceed with things and let us know the outcome. particularly me seems it's what I wish I had done in the first place haha. Good Luck.
HLP234 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 My fiance did the same thing a few times. It usually is from insecurities of their own. You have to somehow show that you love her and by asking her o marry you well you have showed that. But then again you may try spontaneous cute things. Write her an email every once in awhile about how you feel about her, get flowers, get her small things she likes like snacks you see her eating all the time. Stuff like that. If that doesn't work then I would say she may be looking for a way out.
Author new0726 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and I'm pretty confident that you can easily strengthen your relationship just by the info you have shared. keep us updated on how you proceed with things and let us know the outcome. particularly me seems it's what I wish I had done in the first place haha. Good Luck. Well...I got a bunch of texts from her early this morning and saw her at work. I was having an extremely bad day, after telling you last night that I was going to sell my motorcycle...I woke up this morning and it was gone. Someone stole it. Just my luck, right? But...she said that she wants us to work on things so that is good. Said she couldn't sleep at all last night and that she missed me so much...and she had this goofy smile on her face and she was like, how pathetic is that, I can't even go a day without you. Haha. So...minus the bike being gone, things seem to be looking up
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 after telling you last night that I was going to sell my motorcycle...I woke up this morning and it was gone. Someone stole it. Just my luck, right? haha sounds like my luck, if something good happens then something really bad usually follows, or if something bad happens something really great happens. I'm glad everything is working out for you, it's nice to see a success story on here (even though she was only gone for a day lol)
ImJustAGuy Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Communicate! Talk about it! If you really feel strongly, you will make getting it across a priority.
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