SimplePleasures Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Ok, so I had been dating this guy for closing in on a year... He moved in for a few weeks while they were doing renovations on his apt.. While he was staying with me he had gone to a party one night that he told me was a "guys only thing." Later that evening he called me from someones place where I could hear a bunch of girls chattering in the background. He told me he wasn't coming home and was going to crash there. He was really drunk I said ok and left it alone. Anyway, turns out he went to a birthday party for a buddies girlfriend. I got a call about a month later from a girl who was at the party. She asked me if I was - insert name - 's gf. I said yes, she then told me she had slept with him and she only just found out he had a girlfriend. She started to apologise and kept saying how bad she felt. I told her not to worry about it, wasn't her fault, thanks for the call, blah blah bah. At that point I was just kind of shocked. I started looking for evidence of what she had told me and found a box of condoms in his work bag the next day when he was over (this was after he was back in his apt) with one missing. At least he used one.. Anyway I ended things right away, but didn't give him a reason. I didn't tell him I knew. I basically just told him I was bored. Since then he's been texting me once a week, sometimes more asking what the hell he did wrong. I knew it would drive him nuts and that was the point, but now... I dunno, should I tell him? Or let him ponder on his flaws? I haven't even responded to ANY of his messages, total NC.
JR2315 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Just be the more mature out of the two of you and tell him what you know. Its bad enough he was an ass for putting you through that, but just forgive him for being an idiot and move on with your life. It seems to me that youre a considerate enough to feel bad for him. You deserve better
TearyEyedPride Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Yeah. It seems to be nagging at your conscience. Just go ahead and tell him why you're not talking to him. Before you do though... make sure that you know whether or not you want him back because I'm sure he's going to try to either convince you it's not true... or either try to apologize and comeback. So if you're done with him... tell him why and then just continue to do what you've been doing and move on. If you're not... then that's a whole new set of things to consider.
Author SimplePleasures Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 Thanks JR, I'm feeling that it's probably the best thing to do. Let him have some peace - not to mention my phone and inbox.
Author SimplePleasures Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 Oh no, I'm done for sure, TearyEyed! That ship has sailed, but I guess he does deserve to at least know why.
JR2315 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Im quite surprised at how youre taking this though. You did spend a year of your life with this guy. Most people would be devastated and at a loss right now while you are doing just fine. Either you're harboring deep feelings of sadness and anger (which is unhealthy) or you could just be a really strong person. Im hoping the latter because that would be just nice to hear
Author SimplePleasures Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 Well JR, I would love to say that I'm just a strong soul! However, I have had about a month to grieve, and I grieved hard. Basically I'm still hurting a little but s*** happens, and there's nothing I - or anyone else can do about it. Plus I have some amazing friends on my side, but we disagreed on this one subject. Every one of them thinks I should let him suffer. I didn't particularly think it was fair after a while, and I wanted an unbiased opinion. Thanks
JR2315 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I really envy the fact that you already came to such a great conclusion with ending your relationship in short amount of time. Anyways, lol your friends are just looking out for you so they may be a little biased. So I say just email him a quick note no longer than 2 paragraphs. Make it quick and to the point, stating what and how you found out. Forgive him (if you have) and explain why you will no longer contact or see him anymore. Trust me he will beg and cry, but cheaters will always be cheaters. I would suggest not jumping into a relationship for a while. Just for your own good as well as to not rub it in on your ex. Take the time to figure things out for yourself and what you want in life. All the best to you! You will find someone better i dont even doubt it
Tayla Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 but cheaters will always be cheaters. I would suggest not jumping into a relationship for a while. Just for your own good as well as to not rub it in on your ex. Take the time to figure things out for yourself and what you want in life. All the best to you! You will find someone better i dont even doubt it WOW dude you got a closed mind if you think folks cannot learn from their mistakes. Sorry but as a reformed person I take heart to such a comment, some folks change because the pain they caused another is not worth it, nor is it worth it to ones integrity. I do think the OP is admirable to rise above this persons betrayal. Its ultimately her choice to "forgive the sinner and not the sin". I do think the guy needs a point blank statement of the truth . Maybe from this he can learn from his mistake.
JR2315 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 WOW dude you got a closed mind if you think folks cannot learn from their mistakes. Sorry but as a reformed person I take heart to such a comment, some folks change because the pain they caused another is not worth it, nor is it worth it to ones integrity. I do think the OP is admirable to rise above this persons betrayal. Its ultimately her choice to "forgive the sinner and not the sin". I do think the guy needs a point blank statement of the truth . Maybe from this he can learn from his mistake. Well I guess what I was trying to get across is that the "cheater" at this point in time will not be able to change his ways if she takes him back. Sure he can mature and learn from his mistakes(in the future) but if there are no consequences then how would he naturally process what he did was wrong?
Author SimplePleasures Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 Thanks JR that is greatly appreciated. I'll send off an email in the morning, relieve not only him, but myself also. You just made my night a bunch better.
Author SimplePleasures Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 I agree - another reason to tell him. For the future gf of my ex. Maybe he'll smarten up. I can forgive him, but I tend not to forget. The fact that he didn't own up to it on his own bothers me also. Not much sign of remorse there. Though that's a judgment call, he could feel guilty. I really don't know.
Tayla Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Well I guess what I was trying to get across is that the "cheater" at this point in time will not be able to change his ways if she takes him back. Sure he can mature and learn from his mistakes(in the future) but if there are no consequences then how would he naturally process what he did was wrong? Thanks for clarifying, now that makes sense and clears up the view point. He does need to understand the consequences of that behavior.
Tayla Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Thanks JR that is greatly appreciated. I'll send off an email in the morning, relieve not only him, but myself also. You just made my night a bunch better. Let us know then how that fairs with the email. Hopefully he gets to understand your view point and level of tolerance or intolerance for such disregard. I wouldnt hold my breath that he'll own up or apologize. Maybe he'll say the chick who called you up was just stirring up trouble...He may have an ounce of truth to that too....
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