4you Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Just recently came across the site. Wanted to get some advice. Any advice, would be greatly appreciated. It's a girl from work. She's a couple years older. It's been 2-3 years since my last relationship, which got pretty screwed up. I know, what a recipe for disaster...right? Long story short, it's been 2 month since I've met her there. We've talked now and then, random chit-chat, really no connections or anything. And when there's others around, she couldn't appear more uninterested, always sitting farther apart from me. Wouldn't have been a problem except for when we work alone. That's when the occasional touching, compliments, and laughing at my least amusing remarks begin. It's like she's a different person. I can even see her face sometimes light up when she sees me. I can't be that bad at reading people...there's something there. And it doesn't look she does this with any other guys. At least not we work. But here's the kicker: the girl's just above me in just about every form I can think of. She's so social, much more welcomed in the office, intelligent, and just such a strong person. Worse yet, she's probably at least 3-4 years older and more mature than me. I still can't figure out, for 2 month now, why me. I mean, what in the world does she see in me? I'd probably need years just to catch up to where she is in life, and even now, I'd need at least another month to catch up with my work responsibilities. So, savvy with relationships as I obviously am, my incredibly brilliant plan is to just come out and ask her: "Is there something going on here? " Am I being stupid as usual? I mean, is asking like this even normal? If there's nothing, great, we'll go back to normal co-workers. If there is...well, I'm going to ask her to give me some time. If I pursue it now it'll just turn out to be a complete disappointment when she finds out more about me. The relationship's not gonna go anywhere, and I'll screw up our work environment too. Is it even normal to ask her directly like this? I really can't figure anything else out. I really don't want to ignore her advances, nor do I want to mess up our jobs.
smudge21 Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Work and relationships - often a bad recipe. Just remember, that whatever happens, you will have to see her every working day no matter what! That said, and if you're still keen, then I'd react in kind to how she is with you. If she flirts, flirt back; if she's off with you, ignore her. She may be playing games and just after attention, once she knows she has it, she may walk away. Then again, she may be really interested but just as shy as 99.9% of humans really are. If you want to move things along quicker then lead the conversation towards a social activity - a drink, a meal, a film - and then suggest going for said social activity together. Or even the classic, had a long day, fancy getting a drink after work or just grabbing a coffee at lunchtime. I think you need to take it slowly until you know her motives, but you also should be able to be yourself. Failing all that, just come out with it: "I'm hopeless at reading signals, I can't even tell if you like me or not..." - then see what she says. Sadly every situation is different so there's no fixed rules on what will or won't work. Just go with your instincts, but be aware of the working environment. She may want you but work can put people off...
Author 4you Posted June 22, 2011 Author Posted June 22, 2011 That helps, quite a lot actually i dont think ill ever really figure out whats going on in her head.not unless i make the first actual move. Is she being careful/keeping her distance becauae she's shy? Or just losing interest? that said, my god does work complicate things. Its crazy enough w/o having to worry being/looking your best. This what you mean by work "turning people off?" that its the one place people dont want to have to deal with other crap? Really appreciate the advice. Guess just gonna have to wait for now. Who knows it might just fade away...
Finch Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 smudge has some good suggestions. I don't disagree, but you might want to be a bit careful. If this woman only acts interested towards you when you are alone I would be suspicious. It may be that she enjoys your company, but doesn't want anyone to see her socializing with you. Why? It could be that if she is, as you say, more advanced than you in certain areas of her life and at work, she may not want to be seen as being interested in someone with a "lower status". If that's the case you risk becoming a friend/romantic interest who is only good enough when there's no one else around. I don't know if that's the case here, but that's what I thought of when I read your post.
Author 4you Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 That is ...quite sad, but most likely true as well.
smudge21 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 All you can do is talk to her, instead of letting it eat away at you, until the point where you no longer feel comfortable even looking at her. She may be interested, she may not... life really is too short to not find out for yourself. But do play it carefully. It's work afterall. The last thing you want is this girl feeling uncomfortable around you if she says she's not interested. You want to appear interested but not too interested... I guess what I'm trying to tell you is... it's never easy, so good luck. Try to enjoy it and take it as just one experience in life, whatever happens.
Recommended Posts