tep Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 So my ex girlfriend dumped me a month ago after a 3 month relationship. We are both 29. Everything was so perfect and we loved each other more then anything on this earth. We never had fights or disagreed. When we were together, it was like we were the only two people in the world. But then, out of nowhere, she told me that she didn't think our relationship had a future and that she wanted to split up. She said its best if we didn't see each other anymore. I was so heartbroken and didn't know what to do. So I thought the best way to win her back was to pretend she hadn't said it. The next day, I drove to pick her up from work like I usually do. But when I got there, she got really angry with me, asking why I was there when she had clearly told me the relationship was over and a load of other bs. Well as you could imagine, I was shocked after I had driven 45 mins to pick her up from work! When I got home, I burst into tears. But I decided that I should continue to act as if you hadn't ended the relationship. I just couldn't believe she was serious after we had been so in love only two days ago. So the next night I drove round to her house as usual. When I got there, she wasn't in so I decided to wait. 4 hours later she got home and AGAIN was angry I was there!! She said I was "crazy" At this point I started to think she was serious about the break up so I started to cry. She said she had to go and went inside. All the food I had bought her was ruined too as it had been in the car for over 4 hours! What a waste of $12! Anyway, one of my friends told me she sounded confused and the best way for me to get her back was to go no contact. I didn't want to because I knew it would be hard, but he said she would beg for me back. So I did it. But after nearly 12 hours no contact, she still hasn't said a word to me??!!! I'm really confused and need peoples opinions. Is this relationship really over because I feel like she dosnt really know what she wants? What should I do next? I know I love her so should I just propose? I need to do something romantic like that to prove to her how I feel. Man this sucks
coolheadal Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 So my ex girlfriend dumped me a month ago after a 3 month relationship. We are both 29. Everything was so perfect and we loved each other more then anything on this earth. We never had fights or disagreed. When we were together, it was like we were the only two people in the world. But then, out of nowhere, she told me that she didn't think our relationship had a future and that she wanted to split up. She said its best if we didn't see each other anymore. I was so heartbroken and didn't know what to do. So I thought the best way to win her back was to pretend she hadn't said it. The next day, I drove to pick her up from work like I usually do. But when I got there, she got really angry with me, asking why I was there when she had clearly told me the relationship was over and a load of other bs. Well as you could imagine, I was shocked after I had driven 45 mins to pick her up from work! When I got home, I burst into tears. But I decided that I should continue to act as if you hadn't ended the relationship. I just couldn't believe she was serious after we had been so in love only two days ago. So the next night I drove round to her house as usual. When I got there, she wasn't in so I decided to wait. 4 hours later she got home and AGAIN was angry I was there!! She said I was "crazy" At this point I started to think she was serious about the break up so I started to cry. She said she had to go and went inside. All the food I had bought her was ruined too as it had been in the car for over 4 hours! What a waste of $12! Anyway, one of my friends told me she sounded confused and the best way for me to get her back was to go no contact. I didn't want to because I knew it would be hard, but he said she would beg for me back. So I did it. But after nearly 12 hours no contact, she still hasn't said a word to me??!!! I'm really confused and need peoples opinions. Is this relationship really over because I feel like she dosnt really know what she wants? What should I do next? I know I love her so should I just propose? I need to do something romantic like that to prove to her how I feel. Man this sucks You sound like me, but you need to keep away from her for one thing. Don't be a NAT (pest). Don't text, call or email or go to her job, home, an etc. Don't wait her like a sick puppy. I did that in the start before married. But soon had stopped. Can't crowd them in, it just makes it worst! Let her come to you and don't cry in front of her show her our weak. Need to be macho (strong on this end) Go like nothing happening. If you calls you on the phone tell her you have family emergency to go take care of. Tell her to call you back the next day. See what she does next. The ball is in your court but you want to see if she'll catch it? Or not?
Author tep Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 You sound like me, but you need to keep away from her for one thing. Don't be a NAT (pest). Don't text, call or email or go to her job, home, an etc. Don't wait her like a sick puppy. I did that in the start before married. But soon had stopped. Can't crowd them in, it just makes it worst! Let her come to you and don't cry in front of her show her our weak. Need to be macho (strong on this end) Go like nothing happening. If you calls you on the phone tell her you have family emergency to go take care of. Tell her to call you back the next day. See what she does next. The ball is in your court but you want to see if she'll catch it? Or not? Ok cool, ill give her a call now and say I have a family emergency to take care of. Hope this works!
Author tep Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 Here's how it went... Me: hi its me, just calling to say I can't talk to you because I have a family emergency to go to Her: what Me: what Her: what are you talking about? What emergency Me: a family one Her: please leave me alone Me: sorry can't chat got to go to the emergency Then I hung up. How long should I wait to call her again?
JR2315 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Im going to be completely honest with you.... This just sounds really stupid to the point where I think your just trolling. But i'll give you the benefit of the doubt. No one said NC is gonna be easy, its most likely the hardest thing you have to do in your life. You just have to leave her alone, what youre doing is just scary and very unattractive. Give her space and time to get her mind straight. This can take as little as a month or even years who know?!?! Just do your best to keep busy with other things.
D-Lish Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Your behaviour is either stalking, or trolling- can't decide which.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) Ugh either you're REALLY far out of the loop or you seriously need help... ok look. You called her and said you have a family emergency? The point was NOT TO CALL HER, and if she called you... then be strong... and tell her you had a family emergency. That call probably confused the mess out of her and made you look desperate and pathetic in her eyes. Essential things you need to do now: 1. Realize she dumped you. NO SHE IS NOT KIDDING. She is not joking, this is not a trial. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore sir. She doesn't want ANYTHING to do with you at this point. 2. STOP STOP STOP the creepy behavior. Stop showing up and popping up near her or you may soon face legal action (stalking, restraining orders, police etc). You might also see her with another guy as well. It's making you look like a creeper/loser to her, and you don't want her to feel even worse about you than she already does. 3. Initiate NC (No Contact). Usually I'd offer it as a suggestion for most people and leave it up to them to decide if the circumstance is right, but you need to seriously give that girl a break. She's trying to move on... I'm sorry if that hurts, but it's true. So STOP CALLING, STOP DRIVING BY, STOP SHOWING UP, STOP TEXTING, STOP INITIATING CONTACT FOR AT LEAST 3 WEEKS. You're not going to win her back by harrassing her to insanity... it just doesn't work like that. She needs time to figure out if she even wants to speak with you anymore, or to wonder how you're doing. Sadly... 12 hours is nothing, 1 week is not enough, in your case 3 weeks might not even be enough, but seriously STOP. 4. Focus on JUST YOU for awhile. Don't concentrate or do anything that may cause you to think, or want to contact your ex. You need to let go, and accept that she may never ever come back. I'm sorry... if this seems harsh... but desperate times call for desperate measures. You've already lost this young lady... if you continue to pursue her... You'll push her so far away that being able to talk to her won't be an option. You're lucky she hasn't blocked you from everything in her life yet. Edited June 20, 2011 by TearyEyedPride
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 and for god's sake don't propose and try to make it look like a romance novel/movie. being the relationship was only 3 months that's about the time where the honeymoon phase of a relationship ends, to which she realized that you aren't the one and you are probably still in the honeymoon phase. go NC, Stay strong, stop the creepy behaviour. and stop trolling if that is your objective here.
O_O Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Ok cool, ill give her a call now and say I have a family emergency to take care of. Hope this works! ..... Obvious troll is obvious.
Author tep Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 ..... Obvious troll is obvious. What does Trolling mean. Thanks for everyones advice, I really appreciate it. Well last night she called me. She was really really angry. She started off by asking about the family emergency, because she said she was worried that the reason I called is because I needed her help. At first I said thank you for caring and that everything was fine now. The problem was though, that I hadn't thought it through properly....and she started asking what the emergency was! I tried to change the subject but she wouldn't let it drop. She said to me that her instincts were telling her there was no emergency and that I had made it up. But either way, she wanted to be clear with me. She said she was sorry that she hurt me, but she just saw our relationship as a bit of fun. She said she never even considered me to be her boyfriend and claims we never even discussed any kind of commitment together. Then she told me my actions since we split up had been really crazy and that I need to grow up. I asked her if she thought she might change her mind about all this after some time apart. She told me that she didn't want to give me false hope and that I should find someone more my type. Anyway, she hung up without even saying goodbye. So what should I do? I'm not going to pull anymore crazy stunts that's for sure! Should I try going no contact for a couple of weeks then ask her out on a date? I'm so frustrated.
Fufu Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) How can i get her back? My answer: Get yourself back first. Everything was so perfect and we loved each other more then anything on this earth. We never had fights or disagreed. When we were together, it was like we were the only two people in the world. But then, out of nowhere, she told me that she didn't think our relationship had a future and that she wanted to split up. She said its best if we didn't see each other anymore. Sounds like a sweet relationship. However here's the fact that I will like to share with you. No relationships are ever perfect. And relationships without fights or quarrels do not mean they will last for a long time. People are changeable, and people in relationships (I used to be) tend to assume our partners' perceptions and feelings. ================================================================ My view. this relationship is over because she had chosen to leave. No matter how much you hate to accept it, you have to accept it. By accepting the end of the relationship is walking out of the pain of the break up. Take this opportunity to love and appreciate yourself more. Take this opportunity to ask yourself serious questions what do you want in your life. Ask yourself this very question, "A person who doesn't want to be with me and being with this very person, is it really happiness." My suggestion seek NC to move on from this break up. And also, when a person says no to you that firmly, don't chase after this person anymore. Because, this will only set you back even more. Focus on yourself. You don't need this person's love to complete you. Edited June 20, 2011 by Fufu
usabup Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 How can i get her back? My answer: Get yourself back first. Everything was so perfect and we loved each other more then anything on this earth. We never had fights or disagreed. When we were together, it was like we were the only two people in the world. But then, out of nowhere, she told me that she didn't think our relationship had a future and that she wanted to split up. She said its best if we didn't see each other anymore. Sounds like a sweet relationship. However here's the fact that I will like to share with you. No relationships are ever perfect. And relationships without fights or quarrels do not mean they will last for a long time. People are changeable, and people in relationships (I used to be) tend to assume our partners' perceptions and feelings. ================================================================ My view. this relationship is over because she had chosen to leave. No matter how much you hate to accept it, you have to accept it. By accepting the end of the relationship is walking out of the pain of the break up. Take this opportunity to love and appreciate yourself more. Take this opportunity to ask yourself serious questions what do you want in your life. Ask yourself this very question, "A person who doesn't want to be with me and being with this very person, is it really happiness." My suggestion seek NC to move on from this break up. And also, when a person says no to you that firmly, don't chase after this person anymore. Because, this will only set you back even more. Focus on yourself. You don't need this person's love to complete you. Thank you for your advice, I just can't believe this is happening. Thank you for taking the time to write that for me though.
Kilty Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 So what should I do? I'm not going to pull anymore crazy stunts that's for sure! Should I try going no contact for a couple of weeks then ask her out on a date? I'm so frustrated. Well for one doing that is crazy and on the first step to getting a restraining order. I am sorry to be the first to break it to you but it's for your own benefit. She is never coming back. Period. I know that will hurt but you have to accept it. She cannot make herself anymore clearer. She is not playing games and is not doing this to make you chase her. A 3 month relationship is NOTHING 12 weeks is not a long enough time to form a proper bond or connection - thats why this girl finds it easy to break it off. Your actions after the break up have served only to convince her she has made the right decision. Your actions have verged on stalking and harassment. I also have to ask what age you are as the thing you did with the phone call advice is verging on idiocy - however i'll give you the benefit of the doubt that your emotions got the better of you and you didnt know what you were doing and/or you have no real experience with relationships. If you are trolling and making up a load of BS then im a mug for falling into the trap but i guess when you see some of the daft things folk do through emotions then it's possible you are being serious - however ludicrous it comes across. If you contact this girl again you are opening up a whole world of trouble for yourself and expect her to take it further
TheHurtProcess Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 WTF? LMFAO!!! I don't know about the rest of you, but that definitely made my day. Perhaps I need to call my ex and tell her I have a family emergency after we haven't been talking for a few more months Better yet, I'll just meet her at her work and tell her I'm there to pick her up... Even if she drives herself to work everyday.
coolheadal Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) Ok cool, ill give her a call now and say I have a family emergency to take care of. Hope this works! I did say first don't call her at all. Let her call you. And you called her anyway. My typo in wording was that she was suppose to call you and then you would say I have bla, bla and can't talk to her. But anyway now you see when you call her she doesn't even want to talk to you. She's moved on guy.. Sounds like she's either found someone else or just not into you anymore. Edited June 20, 2011 by coolheadal
Author tep Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 Well for one doing that is crazy and on the first step to getting a restraining order. I am sorry to be the first to break it to you but it's for your own benefit. She is never coming back. Period. I know that will hurt but you have to accept it. She cannot make herself anymore clearer. She is not playing games and is not doing this to make you chase her. A 3 month relationship is NOTHING 12 weeks is not a long enough time to form a proper bond or connection - thats why this girl finds it easy to break it off. Your actions after the break up have served only to convince her she has made the right decision. Your actions have verged on stalking and harassment. I also have to ask what age you are as the thing you did with the phone call advice is verging on idiocy - however i'll give you the benefit of the doubt that your emotions got the better of you and you didnt know what you were doing and/or you have no real experience with relationships. If you are trolling and making up a load of BS then im a mug for falling into the trap but i guess when you see some of the daft things folk do through emotions then it's possible you are being serious - however ludicrous it comes across. If you contact this girl again you are opening up a whole world of trouble for yourself and expect her to take it further Thank you for taking the time to write. I'm 29 and so is she. I have been in 3 relationships before. One for 2 years, one for 7 months and one for 6 months. In all my previous relationships I have been the dumper so that's why I don't know what I should be doing now I'm on the other end of the dumping. I just can't give up on this girl. As I say, I'm not going to pull anymore stunts but I need some advice on how to win her heart back.
Author tep Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 WTF? LMFAO!!! I don't know about the rest of you, but that definitely made my day. Perhaps I need to call my ex and tell her I have a family emergency after we haven't been talking for a few more months Better yet, I'll just meet her at her work and tell her I'm there to pick her up... Even if she drives herself to work everyday. Please don't make fun at me, this is my life
Kilty Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Thank you for taking the time to write. I'm 29 and so is she. I have been in 3 relationships before. One for 2 years, one for 7 months and one for 6 months. In all my previous relationships I have been the dumper so that's why I don't know what I should be doing now I'm on the other end of the dumping. I just can't give up on this girl. As I say, I'm not going to pull anymore stunts but I need some advice on how to win her heart back. There is absolutely nothing - i repeat nothing - that you can do to win her heart back particularly after what you have done in the immediate aftermath of the break up. Your only chance is giving up and going completely no contact. There is a good chance you have completely freaked this girl out at this stage but dont beat yourself up about it - it's quite common. Normally i would say complete No Contact from now on however in your situation it's a little bit different as you have made a complete tit of yourself by verging on stalking her and harassing her. To get yourself a little pride back - and nothing more - i would suggest dropping her a line (one time only) and apologising for letting your emotions get the better of you. Just simply say that you accept her decision in one or two lines and you are sorry for embarrasing her. Leave it at that - and do not blubber or plead for forgiveness or ask for another chance - or tell her you love her - i cannot stress this enough. The line should be only one or two paragraphs - nothing more - and finish it with that you are sorry things didnt work out between you. Now this is only to save you some face so dont go hoping that it will earn you anything else - it may piss her off as well but it will stop her thinking you are some kind of possessive freak that she wants to avoid in the future after what has happened. Now i also cannot stress enough that if you contact her after this or get annoyed that she doesnt respond to it favourably or at all (which she wont) then you will negate everything and she will think you are playing some sort of game and lead her back to being freaked out. I believe that this girl has probably also moved onto someone else or is planning to - there is completely nothing you can do about that either. Its her choice. Do not become some sort of jealous ex. As you have been the dumper in the past how would it have affected you if the girl you dumped behaved to you how you had to this girl ? Would it not make you want to run a mile ? Thats how you put things into perspective. So thats it - the line you send her may possibly back fire but at least it will have eased your concience and got you some dignity back. Some may also suggest it's a bad idea and not to send anything at all. But you have to leave this girl alone from now on and never attempt to get her back with any gifts, kind words, emails, texts, phone calls, bumping into her etc etc If there is to be a reconciliation then it has to be done by her - but from what you have said i cant see this happening. You have to give this girl space and if your relationship has been good although short she may miss you. But if i was you id give up
Author tep Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 There is absolutely nothing - i repeat nothing - that you can do to win her heart back particularly after what you have done in the immediate aftermath of the break up. Your only chance is giving up and going completely no contact. There is a good chance you have completely freaked this girl out at this stage but dont beat yourself up about it - it's quite common. Normally i would say complete No Contact from now on however in your situation it's a little bit different as you have made a complete tit of yourself by verging on stalking her and harassing her. To get yourself a little pride back - and nothing more - i would suggest dropping her a line (one time only) and apologising for letting your emotions get the better of you. Just simply say that you accept her decision in one or two lines and you are sorry for embarrasing her. Leave it at that - and do not blubber or plead for forgiveness or ask for another chance - or tell her you love her - i cannot stress this enough. The line should be only one or two paragraphs - nothing more - and finish it with that you are sorry things didnt work out between you. Now this is only to save you some face so dont go hoping that it will earn you anything else - it may piss her off as well but it will stop her thinking you are some kind of possessive freak that she wants to avoid in the future after what has happened. Now i also cannot stress enough that if you contact her after this or get annoyed that she doesnt respond to it favourably or at all (which she wont) then you will negate everything and she will think you are playing some sort of game and lead her back to being freaked out. I believe that this girl has probably also moved onto someone else or is planning to - there is completely nothing you can do about that either. Its her choice. Do not become some sort of jealous ex. As you have been the dumper in the past how would it have affected you if the girl you dumped behaved to you how you had to this girl ? Would it not make you want to run a mile ? Thats how you put things into perspective. So thats it - the line you send her may possibly back fire but at least it will have eased your concience and got you some dignity back. Some may also suggest it's a bad idea and not to send anything at all. But you have to leave this girl alone from now on and never attempt to get her back with any gifts, kind words, emails, texts, phone calls, bumping into her etc etc If there is to be a reconciliation then it has to be done by her - but from what you have said i cant see this happening. You have to give this girl space and if your relationship has been good although short she may miss you. But if i was you id give up Thank you very much for posting this. I have taken your advice. I sent a short text to her cell reading- "Hi. I'm sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to say sorry for how I have been acting. I'm not used to being in this position and didn't know how to act. It was inappropriate and I apologise. I will leave you alone now. Take care"
Kilty Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Thats ok Leave it at that now and delete her number and remove her from facebook or the like - any ways that you can contact her lose them. You probably know what will happen now if you contact her again - all bad and further humiliation for you. So lose the temptation by losing all forms of contact and remind yourself of the implications if you do. Good luck
Author tep Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 She said- "Thank you for sending that. I think it shows a lot about a character when someone admits they have done wrong and can apologise. Thank you" Wow...what should I say back?
Kilty Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Wow...what should I say back? NOTHING !! delete her number Objective one obtained
Author tep Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 NOTHING !! delete her number Objective one obtained Ok...iv deleted her number and the message so I have no way of replying.
Kilty Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Good - and delete all her messages as well. As i said - if you send anything else she will think you are playing a game. You have said you will leave her alone -so that is what she believes - anything else will destroy that. This girl is in no doubt how you feel - leave it at that.
Author tep Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 She just sent me another text. It said- "Finally got rid of the freak...so you can come over all the time now! Fancy meeting tonight?" Should I meet her? How should I act? I'm happy but I'm nervous now!
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