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My ex-girlfriend ended things but wants to be JUST friends...I dont think I can do it

Mayorga160

By Mayorga160
in Coping

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Mayorga160 New Member

Mayorga160

Posted
Posted

Just a couple days ago my girlfriend broke up with me...

 

Shes going off to college in PA and I've another year here in school.

She said she didnt want to try a LDR because she said it wouldnt work and she didnt want to not give me the attention i need and vice-versa. saying that we'll never have time to talk or see eachother. We have skype...but she thinks its not enough....She wont be coming back till DEC. for winter break..she wants to take a break and see then if things can work out.

 

But she wants to be friends... I dont think i can do that...I've been through so much with this girl...losing my V to her, getting so close that we could talk about anything, my family welcoming her with open arms and absolutely loving her...I can say im in love this girl...so damn much..but i dont see why its so easyfor her to deal with it...im breaking down here...i havent slept...I cant be friends with her...i just cant....I dont get why we would go through so much and her just throw it all away... she says its for the best...i dont think so...

 

 

What should i do? should we be friends? im trying so much to change her mind but she isnt budging....im ready to just give in.... help?

sedgwick Established Member

sedgwick

Posted
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As much as it hurts, and as hard as it is, the very best thing you can do is stop all contact. You have to keep your self-respect at all costs. Trust me when I say that there is great power and satisfaction in seeing your ex months or years down the line and being able to hold your head up.

 

When someone breaks up with you, they no longer get to call the shots. She doesn't get to dictate your relationship now; YOU do. And what you have to do is give yourself time to heal, which means absolutely no contact with her. It will only prolong your healing.

 

I know it seems right now like your first love -- especially the person to whom you lost your virginity -- is the only person you'll ever love for the rest of you life. I know it seems like there will never be anyone better. But I can PROMISE you, absolutely, unequivocally, there WILL be someone better! Your job right now is to grow into the person you're meant to become. In a year you'll be off to school yourself, and your world will change dramatically. The people you knew in high school will fade into the past, which is as it should be. I shudder to think what my life would be like if I'd married my high school love, and god knows that at the time I felt like he was the be-all end-all of the universe. In fact, I recently saw his Facebook page, and not only did I feel absolutely nothing for him, I felt sorry for the woman he's with!

 

Your girl is doing what she needs to do -- she's going away to college and starting a new chapter of her life. She'll meet others, she'll love others, and SO WILL YOU. It's just the way it goes; it happens to everybody except for those very rare people who marry their high school sweethearts (all of whom I'm now, at age 40, watching get divorced.) I know it feels like it will hurt forever, but really, truly, it won't.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
Posted

Please for the love of god don't be just friends with her. She just wants to go off to college to bang other dudes. Everything she says is just to make herself feel better about leaving you so she can bang other dudes. I don't know how I can make this situation any clearer.

 

She wants to bang other dudes.

TearyEyedPride Established Member

TearyEyedPride

Posted
Posted (edited)

You said it yourself... you CAN NOT be friends with this girl. You love her way too much for that.

 

So seriously... you can

1) try to remain cordial and try this friends thing. (LOTS AND LOTS of us TRY this and FAIL FAIL FAIL miserably down the line, allowing our exes to use us to get over us, having sex, late night texts about nothing serious, doing favors, hanging out, only hurting ourselves more because the person who dumped us has already moved on and accepted the decision while we're holding on to hope.)

 

2) You can accept the fact that SHE DECIDED without consulting your feelings that, REGARDLESS of what you've been through, experienced learned together, REGARDLESS of what you'd be willing to do, how you'd be willing to change, what you'd be willing to sacrifice, that SHE DOES NOT WANT to be IN A RELATIONSHIP with YOU anymore. Sadly... I've been in that seat of despair. Please don't torture yourself by trying to make her change her mind. Give her space to do what she needs to do while you recover from the blow that she dealt to your heart. There is a huge chance that she'll never come around. Also, a VERY VERY SLIM chance she'll miss you once she sees you're moving on, and try to come back.

 

I found myself asking... How could he give up on us? Why would he just want to end it? Why didn't he talk to me about the concerns he had? Why does he seem so sure of his decision? Honestly...although our minds search for a reason to justify this pain, the answer never even matters in comparison to how we feel. The fact that they give up is a huge blow within itself.

 

We're here for you when you need advice or someone to talk to.

Edited by TearyEyedPride
0hpenelope Established Member

0hpenelope

Posted
Posted

As if you're not getting enough disagreements. :lmao: And you've got LS "veterans" telling you "No, don't be friends." Why? We know better.

 

You know you don't want to be friends with her. You're not okay with that. Listen to what you want. Hokie's right (though the "bang other dudes" seems a little strong, brother :laugh:): she wants to explore options.

 

It's really got nothing to do with you. You could've been the perfect boyfriend and she'd still want out because there's a whole new life for her in college.

 

If you don't want to be friends with her, then don't be friends. Her main desire is to break up with you: give her that distance from you and don't beg, plead, or negotiate with her. You're already seeing the effects of disagreeing that the break up isn't good for the two of you: she doesn't care, doesn't want to listen, she just wants to be done with the relationship.

 

Nope. Walk away. Let her have the break up she wants.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
Posted

Hokie's right (though the "bang other dudes" seems a little strong, brother :laugh:): she wants to explore options.

 

Sometimes it's the only way... :laugh:

smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

Posted
Posted

Simply ask yourself this one question should you decide to become her friend: how would you feel when she tells you, her friend, that she's met a really great guy and fallen in love?

 

That's what you're risking by becoming a friend. Walk away, tell her you're walking away, get it all out and say goodbye. Like others have said, you will move on and meet others. I too know many that have thought their first loves were going to be their only loves - none of them are together and many have 'divorved' on their Facebook pages now.

 

We all know it's tough to say goodbye, and it will be hard to maintain it over the next few months. You will go through many ups and downs, sometimes even desperate to make contact. But eventually we all heal and things always get better.

jacksonBrown Established Member

jacksonBrown

Posted
Posted

if you want to prolong the hurt stay friends otherwise run for the hills... NC

Fufu Established Member

Fufu

Posted
Posted

Do you want to be her friend? Ask yourself this question...

radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

Posted
Posted

friendzone = no man's land.

 

don't do it. preserve your dignity and go no contact. i tried being friends with my ex. it worked out just fine until he started talking about the other girls he was dating. ask yourself if you'd be ready to hearing about your ex doing the same. if the answer is "no" then you're definitely better off not being friends with her.

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Mayorga160 New Member

Mayorga160

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks everyone for the advice.

 

Just got off the phone with her. 2nd and last time im going to try changing her mind.

 

We talked ALL night last night until like 4 something in the morning...giving me an hour of so of sleep before school.... It seemed like i changed her mind and she told me she wanted to honestly try the LDR now....then today we we're back to normal...then not even 2-3 hours ago...she tells me she changes her mind..and shes not budging...and she wants to take a break until dec. But then she also tells me She never did love me, she has no feelings for me other than a friend...and she doesnt want to try an LDR... she didint budge. I didint beg. Im done crying for this girl... Not worth it anymore...she made me look like a fool and stupid for believing all this..and its not even the fact of her ending it..its the fact she let it go so far..she knew how much my virginity meant to me and she had a choice to stop it... She's lost my trust...my main factor...and im left with nothing, not even my virginity,...even though i have hers...it doesnt mean anything anymore...

 

a best friend of mine said she's lieing(my friends a female) and she says that everything she said was a lie..but she said it pretty collective, calm, and cool.... I dont believe it... she says she wants to stay friends because of the fact I was her first.... I cant do it.. I just cant... LS, I'm going NC.

jacksonBrown Established Member

jacksonBrown

Posted
Posted

bro that is just a whole lot of hurt waiting to happen stop now while you've still got your dignity intack and you guys are still civil to eachother my situation was just like yours and i coulnd't help myself i pushed her till she didn't want anything to do with me anymore, Go NC now for real for atleast a couple months it'll be hard but it'll be worth it she'll respect you that much more for it who knows if your still keen to get back together in a few months contact her again just something casual and see what she says, try not to hold onto false hope dude i did for 2 months and i'm back to square one SUCKS

  • 2 weeks later...
KicksAndBricks New Member

KicksAndBricks

Posted
Posted

Hey man, I can totally relate to your situation. My girl broke up with me a couple of weeks ago and she texted me today saying how this is tough for her and she really wants to be friends. I'd been NCing before this and this just complicated things...made me feel guilty, but then I realised that she broke up with me. I haven't done anything wrong, she's done this to herself so why should I feel bad if I don't want to be friends?

 

I didn't tell her this, I said just leave me alone for a while and wait for me to talk to you...but in all honesty I don't really want to. Whatever, just trying to forget about it really, don't wanna feel the guilt...

 

Anyway, just posting to see how you're doing?

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