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Feel so desperate to try + reconcile with my ex, but know its a bad idea..

RuinedLife

By RuinedLife
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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RuinedLife Established Member

RuinedLife

Posted
Posted

Feeling really down and on edge again. And really want to break NC although I know it wouldn't do any good at this point.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. My psychiatrist is coming to see me tomorrow I'm going to tell him I've been having almost constantly dark thoughts again and really bad episodes. I really hope he can help in some way. He says he's going to refer me to a more permanent psychotherapist at my local doctors because he thinks that will help me. I just don't know anymore. I have good moments but my moods are still so unstable and I'm constantly on edge thinking about my ex. I wish so badly he would come back to me. I've hung out with friends and family today as lots have been to visit, but I just think all the time. None of these people get me. None of them click with me like my ex. This is torture. And just generally feeling like I don't fit in anywhere anymore.

 

I hate feeling like this. Sorry guys just venting I guess. But if anyone out there has also had a bad day please feel free to vent too. :)

Kilty Established Member

Kilty

Posted
Posted (edited)

We all have bad days.

 

We all have setbacks somewhere along the line.

 

In the immediate aftermath of a break up we all go through what you are feeling just now.

 

We all wish we could go back and change things and everything would be different - but unfortunately its our flaws that make us real.

 

We all talk about it constantly till we bore our friends and eventually ourselves stupid - and in some cases we lose friends as their opinion of you changes and they no longer want to hang around or hear any more about it.

 

It may last a few weeks

 

It may last a few months

 

It may last a year

 

But somewhere along the line you eventually reach acceptance.

 

The feelings of regret and remorse fade away - even in situations like mine where i have to work beside my ex and particularly her fiance every day.

I have no direct dealings with either of them but still ........

 

After the phase of attempting reconcilation passes you eventually come to terms with them never coming back and you give up all hope and thoughts of that.

 

Maybe not 24/7 - you will always get a twinge now and again - but wanting back with your ex finally fades particularly with the reality of them having been with someone else.

 

You realise there is nothing anyone can do or say to make things right and its just a part of life - something to make you stronger.

 

There comes a point when you stop fantisising and the thought of an attempted reconcilation approach from your ex becomes a fear as it could set you back to square 1 when you have moved on.

 

If someone doesnt want to be with you for whatever reasons then im afraid its just human nature.

There must have been a situation in your life at some point where someone liked you more than you liked them.

 

Thats the way you put things into perspective.

 

But when the constant obsessing over someone who has made it clear doesnt want to be with you does not fade after a certain amount of time and it looks as if it never will, and you allow dark thoughts to take over and affect your daily life then you have to seek professional help and im glad that you are doing this.

 

Wanting something that you cant have (which is a major factor in all unreconciled break ups) is a serious flaw in certain circumstances and i hope that your counsellor can make you see the light

Edited by Kilty
Karala Established Member

Karala

Posted
Posted

I'm gonna go against the grain and say maybe in your situation, using a bit of denial as your security blanket maybe wouldn't be the worst idea. Actually I've mentioned that before, I don't know how you feel about it. I know for me, if I had been forced a few months back to accept the finality of the breakup here and then, I would have probably gone bonkers. I needed that few months time to come to terms with it, and also to fight tooth and nail for the relationship and make sure I felt like I'd tried everything under the sun I could try before I could let go.

 

Sure, in most cases you do need to let go eventually. But I don't think you can do that on cue, just because a bunch of people tell you that is what's best for you. You have to want it. In my case, I decided to let go when I realized I didn't want to suffer this misery of "trying to make him want me" for even a day more. It was my decision and I have respected it and acted upon it since then :] but only because I knew that's what I really wanted.

 

The attitude of going into NC and bettering yourself for the sake of another chance with your ex somewhere down the line, is maybe not such a bad thing, if it does motivate you out of a funk.

 

Either was, this applies, as always :]

latexyankee Member

latexyankee

Posted
Posted

 

 

 

 

We all wish we could go back and change things and everything would be different - but unfortunately its our flaws that make us real.

 

 

^^^^THIS, you are who you are for a reason, turn the guilt into a positive opportunity to make yourself better. Whether you reconnect with this individual or not,you will be better because of it. Take hold and be excited about who you CAN and KNOW you will be.

usabup Established Member

usabup

Posted
Posted
I'm gonna go against the grain and say maybe in your situation, using a bit of denial as your security blanket maybe wouldn't be the worst idea. Actually I've mentioned that before, I don't know how you feel about it. I know for me, if I had been forced a few months back to accept the finality of the breakup here and then, I would have probably gone bonkers. I needed that few months time to come to terms with it, and also to fight tooth and nail for the relationship and make sure I felt like I'd tried everything under the sun I could try before I could let go.

 

Sure, in most cases you do need to let go eventually. But I don't think you can do that on cue, just because a bunch of people tell you that is what's best for you. You have to want it. In my case, I decided to let go when I realized I didn't want to suffer this misery of "trying to make him want me" for even a day more. It was my decision and I have respected it and acted upon it since then :] but only because I knew that's what I really wanted.

 

The attitude of going into NC and bettering yourself for the sake of another chance with your ex somewhere down the line, is maybe not such a bad thing, if it does motivate you out of a funk.

 

Either was, this applies, as always :]

 

I agree with this whole post

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RuinedLife Established Member

RuinedLife

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for the responses guys :)

 

Was feeling a little better last night, but its morning again now, so the clock has been reset, and just woke up in a panic again, feeling so desperate to collapse to my knees on the floor and beg for my ex back if thats what it takes :(

 

How I can still feel this way I don't know :(

 

And I wake up every morning with such disdain for myself :(

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RuinedLife Established Member

RuinedLife

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I just feel like I threw my relationship away for nothing. :(

 

Everyday is a struggle for me, and I'm so glad I've got this place. Because as sad as it is, you guys here on LS are the closest friends I've got now.

 

And I'm so grateful for that. Its the little thing that helps me keep going.

 

I can't wait to my psychiatrist comes to see me today. Really feeling shaky.

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