CaliGuy Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Bad news this week is a "little birdy" told me that a former G/F (not sure if I can call her that since really she never took me seriously at all. Like most exes, they got out of me what they wanted then moved on to the next guy) is moving out here to VA as well from San Diego. Here I am thinking "Great, new job, new area on the complete other side of the Country and bam, that ex (who said nothing but unkind things to me when I was hospitalized last year) is coming here. I'm annoyed but I can deal with it because I am 100% positive I won't have to see her or her ex around. The contract I am on is very small and it's not in DC (where most people work). The funny thing is -- the last 3 girlfriends have all ended up marrying the next guy they met after me. I think I am springboard for helping other people find marriage and healthy (I hope) relationships but I've always been the one who has nurtured a broken person to health and then proceeded to be dumped and they think the next guy is the best thing ever. I'm sort of of a by-proxy "Hitch" where I don't help other guys (though I have, quite often, fix their relationships) but I completely fail at my own. Maybe I am just attracted to people with baggage that I want to fix and once their fixed they no longer look at me as an attractive, in shape, fun, happy guy to be around but a springboard to other guys who are complete head cases. I guess the old adage is true "You reap what you sow". I wish them the best of luck though and I personally haven't dated or even thought about dating since the accident last year. I'm much more concerned with what God's plans are for me and wherever He leads me, I will follow. Lord knows He has great plans for me. Just call me "Hitch"....
Timbo22 Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Wow I feel the same way when you said you cure her problems then she throws you away.... I was with a girl for 3 1/2 yrs who came with a whole heap of problems and she was the most insecure person iv'e ever met, I lost friends especially girls who were just friends. I know now this wasnt healthy but i wanted to show her that she was all mine, She was extremely attracted to me.... Well I stopped my lifestyle for her. Later on in our relationship she told me she didnt know what she would do without me because I gave her confidence and a backbone. Well Fast-Forward to her 2nd yr of college. She completely changes her lifestyle, starts partying hard, flips the switch on me telling me I didnt let her enjoy college and I would get mad when she talked to guys. So I'm the insecure one now lol.... I admit I was a little bit, but before i met her and during the 1st yr or so I was not like that at all. So the thing was I dealt with her insecurities and looked passed them but she didnt look past mine and didnt give me a 2nd chance... I'm Finally back to my old self 6 months later, Of course shes in a realitionship with a guy that was pursuing her when we 1st dated but she chose me. I don't know what to think of it, I saw her facebook through a friend and she looks happier then ever going out and literally doing everything fun you could imagine... That really makes me feel like ****. You are right with god and his plans, he is the only one who has gotten me through this tough time....anways thanks for listening...
stray Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 You probably date co-dependent people. Co-dependent people seek rejection to validate that they're not good enough for their partner. this being the case, they tend to "end up with" NPDs (narcissistic personality disorder) types who will reinforce the co-dependency. You sound like a nice guy, and you probably weren't rejecting them, so they left you and moved on to narcissistic men. This type of dating is like an addiction, do after coming from a "nice guy", co-dependent women can really "relapse" pretty hard and into into extremely bizarre relationships. You probably don't want to be with this type of basketcase in the long haul anyhow. i suggest you start dating more independent, happy and self-aware women.
Author CaliGuy Posted June 19, 2011 Author Posted June 19, 2011 You probably date co-dependent people. Co-dependent people seek rejection to validate that they're not good enough for their partner. this being the case, they tend to "end up with" NPDs (narcissistic personality disorder) types who will reinforce the co-dependency. You sound like a nice guy, and you probably weren't rejecting them, so they left you and moved on to narcissistic men. This type of dating is like an addiction, do after coming from a "nice guy", co-dependent women can really "relapse" pretty hard and into into extremely bizarre relationships. You probably don't want to be with this type of basketcase in the long haul anyhow. i suggest you start dating more independent, happy and self-aware women. I agree with you but I am certainly not a door mat or a "nice guy" (that was a self persona I had to literally surgically remove from my body). Read the links on my signature to get a good idea of what I am compared to what I was. I also agree with NPD. They have all left me for complete idiotic/jerk/retarded sort of men. I certainly wasn't a pushover and I definitely would let them know about boundaries and such so I can't say that I was "fixing" them as much as I let them be themselves. Weird though and there are so truths to your comments, a lot of it actually, except that I definitely don't look for broken women at all. If it's anything, they somehow seek me out. Maybe I don't come off as a "ass" (I'm not) that I seem very easy for them to attach to me right off the bat....
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Wow I feel the same way when you said you cure her problems then she throws you away.... I was with a girl for 3 1/2 yrs who came with a whole heap of problems and she was the most insecure person iv'e ever met, I lost friends especially girls who were just friends. I know now this wasnt healthy but i wanted to show her that she was all mine, She was extremely attracted to me.... Well I stopped my lifestyle for her. Later on in our relationship she told me she didnt know what she would do without me because I gave her confidence and a backbone. Well Fast-Forward to her 2nd yr of college. She completely changes her lifestyle, starts partying hard, flips the switch on me telling me I didnt let her enjoy college and I would get mad when she talked to guys. So I'm the insecure one now lol.... I admit I was a little bit, but before i met her and during the 1st yr or so I was not like that at all. So the thing was I dealt with her insecurities and looked passed them but she didnt look past mine and didnt give me a 2nd chance... I'm Finally back to my old self 6 months later, Of course shes in a realitionship with a guy that was pursuing her when we 1st dated but she chose me. I don't know what to think of it, I saw her facebook through a friend and she looks happier then ever going out and literally doing everything fun you could imagine... That really makes me feel like ****. You are right with god and his plans, he is the only one who has gotten me through this tough time....anways thanks for listening... Wow... this is almost exactly what happened to me, 3 1/2 year relationship, I fix her problems from her relationship before me, she dumps me, now I believe she is dating what used to be my best friend (best friend when we started dating). thank you for sharing, this really has given me a new perspective on things.
0hpenelope Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Eww CG, is this the girl who would try to get your attention at work? She'd always walk past your desk to grab your attention, but you'd just not react in the way she wants you to? That's unfortunate. Also, I know you wish your exes well and all that jazz, but when I think of exes that get involved in new relationships that last longer, I just tell myself that it doesn't necessarily mean they're happy. The ex that brought me to Loveshack is, from last I heard, still with the girl he dated after me but who knows what's really up. As much as I'd love to end up with someone, I'd rather be single and happy than coupled up but miserable. What brought this reflection about? The news of the ex going your way?
Author CaliGuy Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 I am 6 out of 7 on my Exes marrying the next guy. For all I know my recent Ex could keep with the trend too. My friends call me the "HomeMaker". My friends that are girls beg me to go out with them a couple of times so they can then meet the man of their dreams and get married. Looks like the people started in on you dating "fixer uppers" too. It's not that, it's just bad luck, timing, age, etc. Agreed, but I think I should start charging them a fee for my time....
sun_moon Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I am 6 out of 7 on my Exes marrying the next guy. For all I know my recent Ex could keep with the trend too. My friends call me the "HomeMaker". My friends that are girls beg me to go out with them a couple of times so they can then meet the man of their dreams and get married. Looks like the people started in on you dating "fixer uppers" too. It's not that, it's just bad luck, timing, age, etc. LOL this made me laugh. I fear this is what is going to happen to me, I will be the practice girl to the real relationship that ends in marriage. This has not materialized, just a fear.
EmperorR Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 ex fiance who brought me here - now engaged (prob married now) to the guy she met a week after me next girl I dated - engaged has twins from the guy she dated a month after me I know the feeling, it's like i meet them at their worse help them build up their esteem etc. again then get kicked to the curb and the next guy beenfits ah well
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