RuinedLife Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Why is it that now my relationship has ended I'm terrified to be alone? I used to be perfectly happy on my own. Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Exit Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Yup. Maybe 2-3 years ago I felt totally happy being alone, I was totally connected to who I was, I knew myself really well and I was happy. I've lost track of that for many reasons, not just the coming and going of girls/relationships. I've just lost touch with myself and what used to make me happy, but I am slowly trying to get it back. I miss being that person. And being that type of person is what attracts people to you in the first place.
light_vader Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 I used to be perfectly happy on my own. Continuing along the lines of Exit's reply. What were those things you did before that made you happy. Put them back in your life! Use this "loneliness" as a time of self-empowering.
smudge21 Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Yeah, I can recall feeling perfectly fine this time last year (just before the ex came into my life). Now it's hard to get back to how I was simply down to the fact I still miss her so much.
Good Arms Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 I think everyone feels that way after a break up. I know these are scary thoughts, but try not to make having them scare you even more. You're not going mad, I think we all struggle to be anything like our old selves during the healing process, we're all forced to doubt everything about ourselves, and there's no rule on when you should start to feel better. All you can do is try to take as many positive steps each day as you can motivate yourself to do.
Nita10 Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 (edited) I left my family and home country at the age of 18. Moved to a country where I knew absolutely no one. Was focusing on myself, education, I've always been independant and happy with myself. When I started to get closer to my ex (doing same uni course) I started to lose the connection I had with myself. I got together with him. When he left me I was an absolute mess. I never felt so dependant before. Never felt so lonely before. I felt like the four walls of my room were suffocating me. I couldn't sit there by myself anymore. Spent most of my days in the library (not even working just sitting there doing nothing). Over time, I realised that I'm not the person I used to be. Once I started to fix that the lonely feeling started to slowly go away Edited June 19, 2011 by Nita10
shortee143 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Totally know what you mean. My whole mindset my past 2 breakups "I was fine before you, so happy with you..but a mess without you". I read a quote somewhere "it's amazing how someone can effect your life so greatly by simply just ceasing to be apart of it". I always relate to that after a break up.... For me, I think the hard part that I'm seeing now (my ex and I are in a mutual social circle, see each other almost every weekend, and now 3 months post breakup I have to see him with other women) that the rejection aspect is what makes me unhappy. I dont even have poor confidence, and I never got a reason for the breakup (just the "i dont want a relationship" bs), so i just beat myself up about why I wasn't good enough, and these new girls are. I think it is kinda like a big piece of what made us happy- is gone. I'm not the type to put all my happiness into a relationship. But love is that great high in life- so when it is gone is really brings you down...even though you know you were happy before it!
thelovingkind Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I know this feeling too well. When I was in my late teens I was a remarkably independent spirit. I didn't have many friends and no relationships and I enjoyed life that way. I dreamed of living a full life on my own terms - living and working in different countries, having "lovers" rather than boring relationships, never staying in the same place more than a couple years. I wanted to end up like the old guy on Bridges of Madison County: globetrotter, no one tying my down, no one stopping me from being me. Then when I hit twenty I fell in love. Ever since that point I have been consumed by thoughts of loneliness when I'm single to the point that when I'm alone it's hard to feel like I am living no matter what I'm doing. It's hard to feel like I'm existing even because no one is there to verify it. I still have interests and ambitions but all I really want to do is find someone to love me and make a nice, quiet life together. People counsel me to "work on yourself", "focus on doing what you love", etc. but all my hobbies just make me feel like an imposter, like I'm trying to fabricate a happy, desirable existence like a spider spins a web, in the hope that some wandering prey might get pulled into it. There's a quote in the film Before Sunrise - "Isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?" When I first watched it when I was seventeen that line passed me by completely. Now at twenty three, I feel truer words have never been spoken.
Author RuinedLife Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 I know this feeling too well. When I was in my late teens I was a remarkably independent spirit. I didn't have many friends and no relationships and I enjoyed life that way. I dreamed of living a full life on my own terms - living and working in different countries, having "lovers" rather than boring relationships, never staying in the same place more than a couple years. I wanted to end up like the old guy on Bridges of Madison County: globetrotter, no one tying my down, no one stopping me from being me. Then when I hit twenty I fell in love. Ever since that point I have been consumed by thoughts of loneliness when I'm single to the point that when I'm alone it's hard to feel like I am living no matter what I'm doing. It's hard to feel like I'm existing even because no one is there to verify it. I still have interests and ambitions but all I really want to do is find someone to love me and make a nice, quiet life together. People counsel me to "work on yourself", "focus on doing what you love", etc. but all my hobbies just make me feel like an imposter, like I'm trying to fabricate a happy, desirable existence like a spider spins a web, in the hope that some wandering prey might get pulled into it. There's a quote in the film Before Sunrise - "Isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?" When I first watched it when I was seventeen that line passed me by completely. Now at twenty three, I feel truer words have never been spoken. I can REALLY relate to this. Every day feels empty to me now like I'm just waiting for my ex to come back to me, no matter how much I try to distract myself with DVDs, family, games, writing etc, I just feel empty and everything seems pointless. Its a huge effort just to stumble out of bed downstairs to the sofa, true this is partly because of my physical illness too, but still. I find it really had to enjoy anything as I used to, everything just seems dull and hollow somehow.
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