Teknoe Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Ladies and gents, would like your opinion. There's a lot of talk on the friend zone, don't worry this is not another FZ topic. But when you and a girl (or a guy, in my case I'm a guy and I like girls) just start getting to know each other, and you start to like her over time... is it dishonest NOT to let her know of your interest? I mean, there is such a thing as timing, is there not? I hear a lot of talk about "If you don't tell the girl your feelings, you're just being her friend to get closer to her and that's wrong." How does one balance timing vs. honesty? I'm starting to dig a new lady friend I met not too long ago, but we're casual friends right now. That's it. Haven't even hung out with her 1 on 1 yet. But, I see her once a week in large group settings and am admiring a lot of her qualities, plus over time she's become more attractive in my eyes. However, I feel right now is not the best time for me to pursue a serious relationship. I still got some things I need to work out. i.e. going from part time work to landing a full time job. I don't want casual relationships at this point. I want a serious relationship that can one day morph into more. I feel I need a full time job before I pursue her seriously. So, timing vs. honesty... am I being a bad guy if I get to know her casually as a friend... I mean, I am interested in her as a person too... not just as some "trophy to be won." I'm interested in her as a person. I don't think it's wise to tell her I'm interested in her right now. But I don't want to do anything that might be considered "shady" or "deceiving." Should I keep my distance until I get right? Should I keep my words short and sweet? One problem is I tend to overtalk and share too much with girls I'm interested in... which has a tendency to "effeminate" me and take away a lot of my "mystique" I've been told. Sometimes I just can't help it. Anyway, your advice (ladies or gent) would be appreciated. Thanks, and happy Father's Day!
oaks Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Anyway, your advice (ladies or gent) would be appreciated. Why is sorting your job situation (moving from part time to full time) so important that it should exclude having a relationship? Don't forget that it's important to have a fun life outside work for general well-being, and sometimes that includes having relationships. If you need your mind clear from girls to focus on landing the job then fair enough, but if she likes you it shouldn't matter where you work or what your income is. (Although, it does matter for some people... I call them shallow.)
Author Teknoe Posted June 19, 2011 Author Posted June 19, 2011 Why is sorting your job situation (moving from part time to full time) so important that it should exclude having a relationship? Don't forget that it's important to have a fun life outside work for general well-being, and sometimes that includes having relationships. If you need your mind clear from girls to focus on landing the job then fair enough, but if she likes you it shouldn't matter where you work or what your income is. (Although, it does matter for some people... I call them shallow.) It's more of a confidence thing and having enough $$ to stabilize myself, and support my future girlfriend (i.e. nice dates, or dates period lol). It'd just be nice to take care of that before I pursue a serious relationship. Oh, I should say we're meeting up 1 on 1 next month. I wouldn't call it a date at all. She made the general offer to the entire group (a fairly large group) if anyone wants to meet up and just talk she's down for it. And then I emailed her taking her up on her offer. So I can't read too much into it as she threw it out there first to the entire group. I'll be able to get to know her better from this 1-on-1 and see how we gel
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