diggb5 Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 I guess I will share my story. Three years ago, I was dating my ex gf whom I ended up falling in love with. We would see each other almost everyday, always spent together, etc. I really felt that she was the one for me. Well, I used to be a big car guy and I gave up my hobby so that I could save up and buy a nice engagement ring for her. I parted out my car and saved the money I made from everything and shopped around. Well, that plan fell through when she broke up with me, stating she did not feel the same. I eventually found out through her that she had been in contact with some other guy for well over a year, and had sex with the other guy multiples times while we were still dating. I was crushed, completely heartbroken. This was last year. She kept getting in contact with me, even came over a few times and we ended up having sex. Even though I knew what she did, I still was in love with her and tried to make a relationship work, and it really did not end until this past Jan. After all that, I ended up cutting all communication with her, blocking her from my life so that I could move on. Well recently she had contacted me a few times crying, telling me how she missed me and how much her life sucked, etc. Although I knew it was wrong, I still felt something and decided to give her a chance. Well the next day, we talked and she told me she missed me as a friend... wtf? Cut her off again. She has then since called me again in tears giving me the same story and would ask to sleep over. Even now, last week she called me asking if she could sleep over, not upset, just because she was in the area and was too tired to drive apparently. During the time that I finally stopped talking to her in Jan, I've been in and out of hookups, ironically 3 out of the 5 had boyfriends. No I did not know previously that they did and I don't even know who the girls were. That just added to my distaste for relationships and dating. But now, I met someone who I feel is datable material. My concern though is, I have hung out with this girl a few times and we have been talking for a few weeks, yet I'm not really sure if I really want to persue a possible relationship. I guess because I'm afraid of history repeating itself. I do want to get to know her better but I don't want to end up hurting her because of my past. I know that there is nothing I can do overnight to change this, but is there anything I can do to help?
Exit Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 As hard as it is, you just have to treat each person individually. There's nothing worse than being with someone who let's past scars affect a current relationship. Perhaps you just are not at that point yet if you are already questioning your ability to love someone else. You could either just distance yourself from her quietly or if you care for her and think it could work out eventually you may want to be forthright about the fact that your past has left you a bit shaky about relationships and you need to move slowly. The only mistake would be to ignore that you are feeling this way and go ahead full throttle with someone new when you know you aren't sure. Don't end up hurting someone else for something that isn't their fault.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Seriously... Just date her and get to know her on your own terms. I mean you like her, you want to get to know her better, so just be honest. Communication and honesty is the best policy. I'd say something like... "I don't want this to change how cool we are, but I just want you to know. I really do like you, and I don't wanna date anyone else right now while I'm getting to know you better. Hopefully you don't feel like i'm trying to play games with you, but in the past I had a relationship I was really invested in and had my heart broken. I just wanna take time and get this one right, so i hope you don't mind if we take this slow." Not verbatim, but it's laying your cards on the table you know? Then the ball is in her court. You can't knock a guy who's straightforward with you from the beginning.
Author diggb5 Posted June 19, 2011 Author Posted June 19, 2011 Yeah, I don't want to end up hurting this person because of my past and I do like her but I don't feel the same that I used to like I did with previous people I dated in the past. It kind of bothers me, like how I am still bitter over my ex, although its been so long. I am taking it extremely slow since shes a nurse, so she works crazy hours. But we have been texting back and forth a lot, and we've been seeing each other when she has time off, which is like once or twice a week. But I guess the problem other than that is why I am still bitter whenever I hear or when my ex contacts me. I wish I could get over it completely
Movingthrough Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 The reality is not every girl is going to be like her. You have had a bad run with her being the way she is and then hooking up with girls that have had boyfriends, thats going to make you feel like "all women" are like that. What i find myself doing is thinking that i want the feeling my ex would give me during good times, but not her, so i would at least give this girl you are talking to a chance.
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