stray Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Hi all, So I have an interesting story to share with all of you. 18 months ago, my ex-boyfriend dumped me, stating I was "too paranoid, jealous, emotional, insecure, and fill-in-the-blank". He broke up with me the day he graduated medical school; the day before his vacation "with the guys" to Thailand. Touche. I was devastated, of course. My good-looking, funny, doctor ex-boyfriend had just dumped me (an apparent psycho) and of COURSE, he was going to move on and fall in love with some hot worthy doctor woman or nurse, forget all about me and remember me as "that psycho ex he regrets ever dating". Right? Great. Fast foward 17 months - to two weeks ago. My ex texts me out of the blue, says "he feels bad about hurting me, and he wants to be friends". By this time, I've dated someone else and I'm pretty much "over" his rejection. However, I saw it as an opportunity to get "closure" with him. Plus, I got a huge ego boost, I mean, my hot doctor ex was thinking about me! Yay! Right? So we get to talking, and he apologizes for all the things he said and did, he tells me all kinds of wonderful things - how I'm a good person and a good friend and he's missed me and thinks about me all the time. I thought, "ok, maybe he's...not a bad guy. In fact, maybe he's STILL THE ONE". Then last Saturday night he texted me, asking if he could come over and "talk" - I looked like crap, so I said no, some other time. He then texted me again on Thursday (2 days ago) asking "what my weekend was looking like". I told him I was getting my hair done, and he said "you're so gorgeous, you don't need to change anything. I'll never forget how beautiful you are". I blushed, and tried to change the subject. I asked; "What are you up to tonight?". And he said, "I'm just making dinner with my girlfriend". It was definitely closure.
coltsfan1 Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 wow classy!! LAME, what a douche... But proof that you probably will hear from them again...
0hpenelope Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Damn. his current gf may or may not be a winner here. But you are!
Tony T Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 This dude is strange and off balance. I hope I never, ever get him for a doctor. Meanwhile, don't ever respond to his texts or calls again. All those long hours of interning must have gotten to him.
Author stray Posted June 19, 2011 Author Posted June 19, 2011 Oh, the way he worded "can I come over' last weekend - he was looking to cheat. Of course, I didn't know he had a girlfriend. But imagine all those times we were together, and he didn't answer his phone, and I had those *gut feelings* something wasn't right? Guess I wasn't so psycho after all, huh? I don't care what his profession is; he's a jackass. I will never respond to his texts ever again. This is someone I begged and pleaded in my mind to come back to me at a point, not being able to see his true colors. It made me realize, even if we don't get "closure" with some people who dump us, if we can only see them for who they are, that's closure enough. I'm now sickened I ever dated him. BUT when we first broke up, I was like a lot of people on this board, "how do I get him back?", and so forth. Makes you wonder, do you really want them back? If you really knew them, probably not.
Author stray Posted June 19, 2011 Author Posted June 19, 2011 And sadly, I did a lot of his homework for him during his last year (the rotations), and he smoked more pot than a jamaican hash dealer. Trust me, you don't want him as a doctor. Choose your physicians wisely. Especially at UC Irvine Medical Center
0hpenelope Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 And sadly, I did a lot of his homework for him during his last year (the rotations), and he smoked more pot than a jamaican hash dealer. Trust me, you don't want him as a doctor. Choose your physicians wisely. Especially at UC Irvine Medical Center I have nothing against pot. People don't manifest poor behaviors from it in moderate usage, but you know... I'm coming from a professional program as well and the things I can say about some now-pharmacists and other health professionals, too. :lmao:
Sugarkane Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 When I read this I thought, yeah typical dumper! Like my other ex who only calls me when he hasn't been laid by anyone else. Any other time he doesn't care about me at all. You're so luckly you're not with this Ahole anymore!
ON MY OWN Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 I agree this is definitely a good thread. He sounds like he does not hold any self worth whatsoever. His behaviour is pathetic. Thats the problem these days--- some people lack self respect. You are best off leaving that guy only a remainder of the poof of your dust you are gone so fast. Take care of yourself and get someone when you are ready that deserves YOU. Best of luck to you & follow your dreams. You will rise up higher than he will ever be able to even look.
0hpenelope Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 This dude is strange and off balance. I hope I never, ever get him for a doctor. Meanwhile, don't ever respond to his texts or calls again. All those long hours of interning must have gotten to him. And I just realized... the subject of this thread was such a jerk that he even got Tony to come out and react! :lmao:
Author stray Posted June 19, 2011 Author Posted June 19, 2011 (edited) I feel SO bad for his current girlfriend. But, the whole thing made me realize, we think our exs are going to move on to some perfect individual who has all the qualities we lack. No, in fact, when I first met him I was very insecure, my life was pretty much in shambles, I was drinking a lot, I had just been rejected to my first choice grad school, I had like zero self-esteem. And that's the ONLY way him and I worked for as long as we did. Is I had such a low self-worth, I simply believed him when he said I was too emotional or over-reacting or asking for too much. I thought, "well he has his sh*t together and I don't, so he must be right". The only person he can move on to, and many of our exs can move on to, is someone as equally insecure and co-dependent, if not worse, than we are. They can't deal with a confident, self-sufficient person who can see right through them. My ex's girlfriend was IN THE ROOM with him, when he was texting me those things. I bet after months of his indoctrination, she just figured he was texting his mom or friend, and not to question it, because then she'd look like a psycho. Our exs who used us and left us for dead, DO NOT move on to a better person. In fact, they probably move on to someone who is even more naive and less self-aware, someone who won't hound them with questions they don't want to answer. We are ALL better off, right now. Whether or not we see it. Edited June 19, 2011 by stray
Ajax Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 I think there's no more eloquent or accurate way to put it than, "my ex sucks." It's a simple statement, but it gets the point accross without wasting any more time or thought than they deserve.
Author stray Posted June 19, 2011 Author Posted June 19, 2011 I really feel the mind f**k was on him. What I got from all that, is that due to my pleading and begging when we first broke up, he thought I was desperate for him enough to settle for being "the other woman". I'm sure, he thought I was going to accept he had a girlfriend and still want to meet with him. It disgusts me that my actions after our break up, illustrated some portrait of my self worth to him, that equated to me being grateful for just his mere attention. Well, now he knows he was sure wrong about that. So if any of your exs come back, and try to pull the wool over your eyes, you let them know, you're just not that easy.
california15 Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Wow. What a Fing d*ck move from an a*shole. Major major sleazeball. I'm glad you found out before you met with him. You deserve way better and more power to you. Definitely proof. What was your NC journey like from the break up til now? LC? strict NC?
Author stray Posted June 19, 2011 Author Posted June 19, 2011 I have to admit, I don't know what "LC" means! I'm really out of the loop with online lingo. But basically, it was "pretty strict" NC. He tried instant messaging me about 3 months after our break up, like "how are you?" and I didn't respond. Then he called me/texted me last November, asking again "how are you?" and I told him I had a boyfriend and didn't feel comfortable chatting with him, and that was the last time we had any communication up until a couple weeks ago. I suspect that every time he tried to contact me, he was just trying to get laid one way or another. Apparently he realized he actually had to say "sorry" to evoke an elaborate response, but in hindsight, knowing what I NOW know, I shouldn't have responded. In my opinion, partially from this learning experience, you should never respond to their texts, calls, or messages. If they want to then write you a letter, and pitch a good reason you should talk to them, I think that can be evaluated (though likely to be dismissed as well). But anything else, is a blatant scam.
california15 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 hey - ok so LC is limited contact essentially. So like you said, anything other than communication from them that explicitly states in black and white "I'm sorry I want to be with you and fix this" is just breadcrumbs. Valuable learning experience and I'm sorry your ex is such an ass. Still.
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