Karala Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I've only had 4 relationships in my life, but they all contacted me again for a while (few months, couple of years) after I'd dropped off the face of the earth. And the couple of flings I've only ever had, they also did surface up to ask how I was, at one point or other. One of them I had been madly in love with at the beginning of 2005, and he'd dumped me. I'd stayed NC for a few months and he contacted me again. I jumped back into his bed straight away like the doormat I was then. Then in 2006, I dumped him because I was sick of his s**t. In 2007, I fell in love with the person who just broke my heart and lost all interest in the other guy. That's when the other guy started pursuing me again relentlessly. 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, he kept attempting contact, ringing me and leaving messages, even if 9 times out of 10 I would not even call back. We were supposed to be "friends", we even had luch once or twice, but now he was a joke to me. I don't think I've heard from him this year... Maybe he got it at last that this ship has passed ^^
mtd4249 Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I have been in two long-term relationships in my life - the first (which ended in 1995) last for 7 years and ended when my ex ex cheated on em -- the second (which ended in January this year) lasted for nearly 16 years and ended when my ex decided she needed "space" and to "live life to the fullest" at 36 years of age. In the past 6 months, my ex ex has tracked me down on Facebook and revealed that her now husband cheated on her a few years ago, that she was happier with me, was deeply sorry and made strong hints about getting back together -- response: a polite "thanks, but no thanks". I don't find myself attracted to her at all. My ex who I was with for 16 years, abandoned me 5 months ago and moved back to the city where her family is .... looking for "happiness". After months of NC, she messages to find out how the two dogs are that she also abandoned and to tell me (quote): "I hope you know that deep down I will always care about you" -- she might be lucky and find a committed, faithful guy who is "perfect" and she is "happy" forever. But, there's a good chance that at some point she won't be completely "happy", realize that she can't start a new relationship and get the foundations of 16 years and maybe consider that life with me wasn't that bad and, at worst, it had fallen into a rut with a guy who was 100% committed to her and always put her first. If she comes to that realization, then most likely that "always care for you" will become "wish I could be with you"!!
TheVSilent Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I guess it would also matter for the reasons you got dumped. In my case I needed to work on a ton of stuff so she let go, thus making me truely realize what I was doing wrong. Will she ever come back?
sun_moon Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I guess it would also matter for the reasons you got dumped. In my case I needed to work on a ton of stuff so she let go, thus making me truely realize what I was doing wrong. Will she ever come back? I wonder if my ex is going through the realization you did? I will probably never know.
0hpenelope Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 (edited) Here are my contributions from 2 important men in my life: my grandfather and my dad. I put in this disclaimer because I know that users from other forums shadow this board: if you Copy&Paste these stories, please give credit where credit's due. Let's share perspectives, shall we? Thanks. Grandfather's story is he had a relationship with a woman. She decided to pursue her career in the armed forces, where her orders took her to a hotspot of civil unrest. He told her that he couldn't maintain a relationship like that so if she goes, they'll have to break up. She pursued her goals (which I respect very much, even though I don't know her), thus ending the relationship with him. He moved on and met the woman who became my grandmother. Two years after he broke up with the woman, she came back, contacted him and asked if they could work things out. He said no as he had already moved on. The woman ended up taking her mother with her, went back to where her old post was (the time by then was more peaceful than when she was first assigned there) and he never heard from her again. Era? 1950s. Father's story is with this particular Girl who rejected his attempts of courtship. He let her go and attempted to court other girls (all who didn't really like him because he was super nerdy at the time), until he met my mom who accepted him and married him. One day, his younger sister took a call and it was Girl! Girl was able to get my aunt to tell her a little bit about what's been going on with him. My aunt, not knowing that this was an ex-love interest of her brother's, told Girl that he's married and a baby was on the way (who happens to be yours truly! ). Later on, my aunt informed my father of Girl calling and upon being told who exactly Girl was relative to him, she felt so bad and felt so guilty for entertaining the call that she ended up apologizing to my mother in tears and hoped that she didn't cause undue stress. The time period in-between isn't something I know and I don't want to ask for the details. Final story: My uncle is a "reformed" player. I know that he's cheated on girlfriends multiple times, but he's had 3 serious relationships that I know of. I'm not sure if he pursued these relationships in the following order but again, he's a player, so he may have had other relationship(s) in-between. He cheated on his legal wife. He met 2nd serious gf, who bore him two children. He separated with 2nd serious gf and stayed with 3rd serious gf for 10+ years - long enough that she's made it to a lot of family photos. She wasn't exactly accepted in the family and it's not entirely her fault too (hot mess of a family drama, won't get into it), so when she broke up with my uncle, I felt so relieved for her and wished her the best. They broke up when I was in high school. It took a few years, I'd say 3-4 years, but he is now back with his 2nd gf, who he will eventually marry. My uncle remained present in his children's life, so no complete NC was possible. Edited June 23, 2011 by 0hpenelope grammar
0hpenelope Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 What goes around comes around. Eventually it does. I don't wish it on my exes, but how they treated me will reflect on them. I don't need a validation that it happened, it just will. Which is why I try to keep a positive attitude about things, in spite of.
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