nycpetit Posted April 19, 2004 Posted April 19, 2004 I am still not coping well. I hate this. I just don't know what to do anymore. I still am in the place we lived in together, it is in his name, although i pay the rent, and much of his stuff is still here. That would seem to make it sound simple..move to another place and get rid of his stuff. Well, not really, I am getting donors tested now to be a kidney match for me and we are hoping to do the surgery in the summer.he had always wanted to be a match, but I had told him to forget it..because in his rages...mostly due to depression and cycling..he would make comments like "You lied to me about being sick, or if you were well, or i don't know how to find time for all this testing, etc..and it's so stressful..." And to take a stand for myself I had told him to shove off for good. Here is the thing..many of you write about no contact...hmm..k..well, did that..it took a long time given that I didn't really accept at first what our "time and space:" consisted of...in that his primary reason initially for moving was for a job...okay...so but if I go to the most recent break, at his initiating...I did not call him..and three weeks alter he did...and talked to me for a long time..and came to see me the following weekend..and came on a vacation with me three weeks after that...four days later..it's over...mostly because I realized he had not changed..still doesn;t know what he wants..saying he is coming in to see me on the weekend, and then tells me the night before that he has other plans.... I said, enough. Well, but he has still not come to get his things..because he has such bad financial whatevers...a lot of the loan companies call here for their money, and started sending the bills here again too..he said he was coming three weeks ago..to get the stuff..and bring me MY stuff..which is why i can't just dump his stuff out..he has some things of mine that are of value.... So what am I supposed to do??? I mean...will he ever come to get his things? The utilities for this apartment go to him..and my stepfather sent him a prescription slip this week to be tested..although i told them not to do it..my family insisted..as my health is declining..and it's getting hard to do"it all" all the time...three jobs, full-time doctorate student (no, I am not young, i am 34)...and well, I sure do miss having someone around too....I just wanted to shut the door though and start over..and he hasn't shown up (no, he never even called to say he wasn't coming..why would he say he was coming to get his stuff..and then never come and do it???) Thoughts on any of this mess?
uriel Posted April 19, 2004 Posted April 19, 2004 Stay strong -- you sent him packing for a reason. Ask a trusted third party to contact him and arrange for the stuff exchange to take place without either of you having to meet. He can have a good friend of his deliver your stuff and you can have your good friend / family member take him his. End of story. No way you should be thinking about him as a possible kidney donor, etc. This guy may have had feelings for you, but he isn't well enough or mature enough to take care of you or love you the way you need to be loved. You don't need any more chaos or heartbreak during this difficult time in your life. Get this settled ASAP and as quietly / sanely as possible so that you can move on. Take good care of yourself -- uriel
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