loveiscontagious Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I've been seeing a guy for over a year. Well, not seeing, sleeping together. It started off that way -- met on a site looking for that kind of thing. We were both getting over bad breakups, and not wanting anything beyond physical. We did go slowly -- it was maybe 2 months of meeting, talking on the phone, IMs, before we actually got physical. In bed, our connection was immediate and intense. Just amazing. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago -- he called me and asked if I wanted to go to a concert with him. It was last minute (as in he called me at 6 to go out at 9) so I assumed he had tickets and his date/friend had canceled. I was free so we went and had a great time. That was the first time we had seen each other out (as in, not at either of our apartments) since our physical relationship began. The show ended pretty late on a weeknight, and we had arrived in separate cars, so we parted there. Since then, we've gone out 3 more times. He's very affectionate, we have a great time, but no sex. He is more attentive than ever, calls more, sends more "just saying hi" and "missing you" texts throughout the day, and seems more interested in the little things in my daily life. He also makes hints at wanting more between us...he says things like how much he loves spending time with me, how he needs a vacation, wishes we could go somewhere together...almost like he's feeling me out before making a move. The thing is, we're both kind of shy. I like to think I've made it clear to him that I am crazy about him, at the same time I'm not sure I'm ready for a full-blown relationship. If I were, he would be at the top of my list, no doubt. When we first met we were both kind of dating around, openly. Right now, I'm not seeing anyone else, and I don't think he is either. Since we are just FWB I don't think it's my place to ask. Can anyone venture a guess as to what's going on here? Is it a bad sign that I am not comfortable enough to say "hey, what's up with the dates and no sex?" Is it better to be patient and see how things progress? In the meanwhile we haven't slept together in over 2 weeks...and I miss it!
Ruby Slippers Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 He wants to get more serious with you, and stopped the sex so you can focus on the non-sexual parts of your relationship. Do you want a relationship with him? If so, go with the flow and let it unfold naturally. But there is absolutely big truth to the fact that the person who wants it more is more out on a limb. I just met this younger guy who I don't see long-term potential with, but who I think would be perfect as an FWB -- sexy, masculine, passionate, and eager to please. The funny thing, though, is that the more casual I am about him, the more fired up he is to take me on dates and stuff. And you know that if I went for the whole gaga love thing, it probably wouldn't be too long before he'd be pulling back and being lame. This is the male-female (or just human) dance. I say as long as you are happy, taking good care of yourself, and being honest, you are good to go.
Author loveiscontagious Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Thanks, Ruby. My default setting is "it's way too soon -- I'm not ready!" But he is a terrific guy in so many ways, and I am deeply fond of him, respect him, admire him, and am so so attracted to him. I guess I would be stupid to let him go just because I'm afraid it's too soon after my last break-up. You're so right, though. If I had been the one initiating a more serious relationship, I wonder how things might have played out differently! So much of dating is just a big silly game, even between 2 mature, well-adjusted adults!
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