Teaddict Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Soo, how do you stop feeling paranoid/jealous about your boyfriends friends that happen to be girls (who are strictly friends)? Just curious! Insight would help/be appreciated
Cee Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Get to know your boyfriend's female friends. Make them be your friends, too. Once you take away the mystery, you'll realize they are simply people and not threats. My ex boyfriend had a female friend who was quite sexual and had hooked up with my boyfriend once. I was crazy jealous, but once I got to know her, I completely understand the dynamic. She was a bit of a trainwreck and I could clearly see that my boyfriend cared about her welfare, but had no interest in ever being with her. I learned to like her too, although I admit, I never fully trusted her. But I wasn't jealous anymore. Remember the only person who makes you jealous is you. You are the one playing the mind game with yourself, not the other women. Good luck.
Pianiste Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I can be a pretty pessimistic and jealous person but over the years I have learned to ignore thoughts that result from these characteristics more and more. My boyfriend is aware of these traits and they only rarely show nowadays. But a couple of years ago I was véry jealous. In the end it was just me driving myself crazy, which is pretty easy with an uncontrollable vivid imagination. I just ended up in a downward spiral that I couldn't escape from and at one point decided it was enough. I was literally getting sick of myself, don't even want to know how my bf felt at the time. I bought a notebook and wrote my negative thoughts in it everytime they arose. The notebook is now full but whenever I feel a relapse into negativity coming up I simply read a few pages in it. My bf doesn't know about this notebook but he does know that my issues with jealousy have greatly decreased and is very happy about that. Reading the stuff I wrote is enough to make me realize how silly these thoughts really were and that they didn't help me at all. I believe jealousy is simply a pattern of thoughts that your mind gets used to fall back on during weak moments, unless you break that cycle. I now rarely open up the notebook. I know hardly any of my bfs female friends as we are in a LDR and when we do see eachother hanging with friends just doesn't have a very high priority. He's a very social person though and often meets up with friends, both male and female. In some ways I do think he has a bit of a naive vision on the complexities of a male-female friendship, but I'm ok with that, and more importantly it no longer triggers the feelings of jealousy. If he wanted to do something my feelings of jealousy wont stop him, I guess realizing that, and actually believing it, was the breakpoint for me. :-)
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