youngskywalker Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 (edited) I had an excellent job offer in a different state. My g/f of 7 months and I discussed it and she thinks I should take it. She said she had a long distance relationship before and is more than willing to keep things going between us. We both have very flexible jobs and are financially stable enough, so seeing each other about every other weekend shouldn't be a problem. If our relationship is good for another 6 months she'd consider moving. So there is some light at the end of the tunnel. To her it seems like no big deal. For me, I don't know. I have a bad feeling in my gut that if we go long distance it would be signing the death certificate between us. Are LDR's a fairy tale or do they actually work sometimes? Has anyone experienced a strengthening of their relationship because of it? Lets hear the positives and negatives. Edited June 18, 2011 by youngskywalker
Sivok Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 As long as the LDR part is strictly temporary, it has a strong chance of working out - especially if you're still going to see each other every other week. If it isn't, then that's when you have a problem.
tigressA Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 As long as the LDR part is strictly temporary, it has a strong chance of working out - especially if you're still going to see each other every other week. If it isn't, then that's when you have a problem. I agree. Most LDRs that succeed are those that have a time in mind to close the distance, and both people work toward making it possible. LDRs are difficult. My longest relationship was long-distance; we were 3 hours apart and saw each other every other weekend/on my school breaks. We didn't have a plan to end the distance though, and I broke up with him before that ever came up, so I can't say what would've happened otherwise.
Teaddict Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Mine has worked for a little over 9 months now! Its mostly about trust and communication. If you trust her/you communicate everyday, then you guys should be fine. Plus when you guys see each other after a while, its more passionate
heartshaped Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 We are two years into our relationship. A year of which has been long distance. We go about a month and a half between visits and are fine so I think every other weekend would work out good. All relationships are really just about the work that you put in.
Stung Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 When I met my husband, I actually lived only an hour away from him-- but was just about to move almost 1000 miles away. We were interested in each other and stayed in regular touch as friends for almost a year via IM and email, communicating several times a week, and then things got outright romantic one week when I was visiting his area to see my family, and everything snowballed from there. We carried out a serious whirlwind LDR for another six months, flying to see each other every other weekend, spending a week together whenever schedules would allow some time off. We were on the phone every day, and he flew his daughter up to visit too. We knew it couldn't last forever like that, but we felt so strongly about what we had found in each other that I decided to sacrifice the life I was building myself in the other state and move back to be with him, and move in with him and his daughter. Now it's about five years later and we are happily married, I get along great with my awesome stepdaughter, and we have a beautiful little son together as well. Worked out pretty good, in my case.
Citizen Erased Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Ours worked in that it's now over, we got through it and our relationship was happy even when we were apart. I can't tell you if we are any stronger from starting our relationship in that way but it'll be a very long time before I take for granted just being in the same room as him.
RoseBloodSweet Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Review the Situation The time period allotted for this romantic distance has to be something you can actually handle. If it’s a newer relationship and one of you will be gone for a while, it’s time to have “the talk” to see just how serious you both are about this relationship. If you’ve been committed to each other for a while, it’s all about how you deal with the time apart. If you’re someone who will turn to the company of strangers when left alone for longer than a month, then the problem isn’t with him, it’s with you. End the relationship now. Ripping off the bandage might hurt, but doing it slowly is worse. "Trust" Without trust, this long-distance relationship is doomed. Not only do you need to trust him, but he needs to trust you. That means continual support so he can actually do that. If he suddenly transforms into a paranoid freak, it means this ingredient is lacking and the situation is now a recipe for disaster. If you turn into a paranoid freak, he’s either a) giving you good reason to feel this way or b) you have too much time on your hands. "Share Everything" Just because he’s not there on a daily basis doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be party to your daily life. Mundane as it might be, it will help you both feel a part of things. That said, repeatedly talking about the new guy at work or sharing all the exciting things you’re doing is only going to unleash the Green Monster within. You might think jealousy will keep him in line but odds are it’ll push him into more accepting arms. "Stay In Touch Often" Sporadic conversations and occasional communication will only cause suspicion, or make the gap even bigger. If your phone bill is getting high, get creative with emails. Forget technology entirely and romance each other with long, luscious love letters. Record tapes of you sharing your daily routine (along with intimate whisperings) for him to listen to. That said, obsessive phone calls or messages every hour is stalking, not talking. "Make Reunions Count" Hopefully distance has helped you to appreciate each other more, which makes for even steamier reunions. It’s important to enjoy the expectation that comes with waiting. Knowing you’ve got a flight booked makes the lonely night pass faster. Make sure when you do meet up, you treat it as quality time together, and not catch-up time with the rest of the planet. Consider reunions a vacation if possible, meeting up in places that neither of you are living in. Think “love nest,” not “family and friend potluck." "Schedule Time Accordingly" While reunions are wonderful, if they’re too far apart, stress will build up. The more frequent the reunions, the more “normal” your relationship will feel. That way, if you do have the odd weekend that requires heavier discussion, you won’t have lost out on a rare moment. If frequent reunions are impossible, try to deal with issues as they arise rather than waiting to spring them on him like a cold shower when you’re finally together. "Dream Together" Okay, so the “now” sucks as far as your relationship is concerned, but there’s no reason you can’t share future dreams. Planning your future together can make for a great pick-me-up. Just make sure you’re both planning the same thing, otherwise you might be left with delusions rather than dreams. "Keep Talking" It’s important to keep sharing your fears and hopes and encourage him to do the same. That means letting him get a word in edgewise, or even forcing him to actually share what you might be dreading. Things might have been working great at the start, but distance can weaken even the strongest link. And if you are the weakest link… good-bye. Patience and priority are your two “game plan” words. Think of it this way: long-distance relationships are like trying to eat a double-scoop ice cream cone on a hot, summer day. If you can keep up the pace, you should be able to enjoy everything to the end. If you can’t, all you’ll end up with is a big mess. Know yourself, give it a shot, but be prepared to ditch the remaining cone if necessary.
Author youngskywalker Posted June 19, 2011 Author Posted June 19, 2011 (edited) Thanks to everyone for your wonderful posts. I'm happy to hear that other people have found what I'm hoping for in a LDR. This can be a true test of our love. If we are right for each other and we're both willing to put in extra effort, it can turn out to be something magnificent. I do agree, in any LDR there needs to be some light at the end of the tunnel. Meaning, if things are going well for say 6-12 months then effort needs to be taken to bring us together once again. We have discussed this and she said she will move to my location if things go well. I think it would be awesome to experience truly missing someone and know you can't possibly be apart. It could build confidence that will last for years to come. If it fizzles out then it should be looked upon as a good thing and we can move on with no regrets. Edited June 19, 2011 by youngskywalker
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