speedster Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 my beautiful wife of 4 years (together 10) recently, in a quiet moment, admitted she cheated on me 8 months ago at her HS reunion (supposedly she went back to her hometown to care for her grandmother) and then again in early may with the same guy, and at least one other. she wasn't happy when she went back "to help grandma" the last time- but never in a million years would i have thought she would cheat. since she told me she has been apologetic, angry, resentful, accusatory toward me- digging to see if i have done anything wrong (haven't). she resisted counceling, rejected articles on rebuilding trust i have given her, and seems much more concerned with how all this is affecting her, and giving little to no thought about my feelings. she says she wants to work on it, but has done little to no research and hasn't come up with any real answers as to why, why she kept it secret for 8 months, and why she even told me. i would have never known- well, maybe down the road i'd have figured it out. the phone records and card purchases tell a story of heavy alcohol use, but she was sober enough to drive. i do not believe she has told me everything. there are too many unaccounted late night calls and texts. i trusted her implicitly. so a therapist told her she cannot work on her marriage while she is away (staying at her moms) and so she wants to come home, but wouldn't talk about restrictions and said she needs to work on herself. no mention of me. i feel she wants to come back to build a nest-egg to utilize when/if divorce happens. she does not work, i provide everything. i had few if any restrictions on her, as i trusted her with my life. i am sure i am leaving out details, so please ask any questions. what do you think of this?
Woggle Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I would lawyer up and prepare for divorce. You can't have a happy marriage with a woman like this.
Author speedster Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 i contacted a lawyer, made sure my assets are protected but have no filed. the fact i talked to a lawyer infuriated her.
anne1707 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I am a former WS and I would agree with Woggle on this. If she is not willing to do whatever it takes to makes things work and shows no remorse for her actions then there is no marriage to save. Do not let her use and abuse you. 1
Woggle Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 i contacted a lawyer, made sure my assets are protected but have no filed. the fact i talked to a lawyer infuriated her. It made her mad because it shows you are thinking and aren't just taking the steamroll.
anne1707 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 It made her mad because it shows you are thinking and aren't just taking the steamroll. Plus taking control - something she thought she had and definitely wants to keep. Don't let her. This is your life, not hers.
Entropy3000 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I see no mention of kids. If there are no children I suggest you sever this relationship now. No real point in going on. A lot of deceit. You don't know how much yet. There were multiple guys. You have no idea how long her activities have gone on. Do both of you a favor and start your lives over ... apart. If you were to stay together, for some reason and did have children you run a good chance of raising someone else's kids. I would not let her come back.
Woggle Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 She expects you to keep begging her like a little puppy and twisting yourself into knots to please her so you can fix whatever it is that made cheat. While you are doing this she will continue to betray you and prepare to roast you over the fire in family court. You did the opposite and now she doesn't know what to do.
Entropy3000 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 i contacted a lawyer, made sure my assets are protected but have no filed. the fact i talked to a lawyer infuriated her. The thought of my wife banging some number of guys would infuriate me no end. Follow through with the Lawyer.
nyrias Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 i contacted a lawyer, made sure my assets are protected but have no filed. the fact i talked to a lawyer infuriated her. So? Infuriate her more. That is just revenge on your part. I will file asap. Are you in a state with no fault divorce? If so, unfortunately, since u r the provider, she will get a chunk of your money
Author speedster Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 no kids thankfully. i do feel like she expects me to just take it in stride. she seems to have no empathy at all for me, the crushing pain of betrayal, the magnitude of the loss of trust. i don't understand how a person cannot feel for someone they love, and hurt.
Tayla Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 i contacted a lawyer, made sure my assets are protected but have no filed. the fact i talked to a lawyer infuriated her. Texas is a community state and alimony state, you sure you spoke to a divorce attorney? I would recommend a second review on this matter, you may have been mislead into believing your protected. As to her behavior, guilt does crazy things...its hers to overcome.
Bryanp Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 My guess is that your beautiful wife screwed these other guys (hopefully you both have been tested for STD's) because she thought she could and because she is beautiful she figured you would never file for divorce. She screwed a couple of guys behind your back. Sorry she does not sound very beautiful to me. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes.
Author speedster Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 So? Infuriate her more. That is just revenge on your part. I will file asap. Are you in a state with no fault divorce? If so, unfortunately, since u r the provider, she will get a chunk of your money according to my lawyer, she gets half of what was earned which isn't much the past few years. my assets were mine long before i met her, and she has had jobs during our marriage. the lawyer thinks i am in a good position.
Author speedster Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Texas is a community state and alimony state, you sure you spoke to a divorce attorney? I would recommend a second review on this matter, you may have been mislead into believing your protected. As to her behavior, guilt does crazy things...its hers to overcome. texas has no alimony. it does have spousal support but it's very rare. she's a top attorney, but a second opinion would be prudent.
Woggle Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Is she the main breadwinner? If so you can go for spousal support. You know if the roles were reversed she would do the same. 1
nyrias Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 according to my lawyer, she gets half of what was earned which isn't much the past few years. my assets were mine long before i met her, and she has had jobs during our marriage. the lawyer thinks i am in a good position. Great. But an legal opinion is just that. It is probably best to settle things (preferably in ur favor) asap so there will be no surprises.
Author speedster Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Is she the main breadwinner? If so you can go for spousal support. You know if the roles were reversed she would do the same. no, i have investments earned and purchased long before we met. i am not opposed to mediation and giving her enough to get on her feet, but i won't bankroll a lifestyle. i have already done that, and got crapped on.
bentnotbroken Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Based on her behavior, she told you because she was about to be busted. If she were truly remorseful she would be working to regain trust. If the other guy had a wife or girlfriend, they may have found out and threatened to tell you. So she tried to beat them to the punch. It has been demonstrated that truly remorseful WS seek any way and every way to try to repair the damage they have caused and look for ways to understand their choices and heal so that it does not happen again. I agree with the others, get a second legal opinion.
Author speedster Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 ok. a second opinion will be scheduled ASAP. i am in counceling btw, started right after this was dumped on me. as someone stated above, i have no idea how long this has been going on. looking back on phone and bank statements she actually went out and partied while i was in the hospital clinging to life a few years back. i think for most people that would be enough. there are LOTS of texts and calls in the early AM and the numbers are not tracable. ok. so i'll get a second opinion and go from there. i guess i knew the answer. thanks for the help.
Bryanp Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 In the past she went out and partied while you were clinging to life? That should of been a deal-breaker right then. She sounds like a real piece of work.
Author speedster Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 In the past she went out and partied while you were clinging to life? That should of been a deal-breaker right then. She sounds like a real piece of work. of course i didn't discover this until much later when going over bills. but yes, several bars, high end restaurants, late nights. made me feel special alright.
Entropy3000 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 So? Infuriate her more. That is just revenge on your part. I will file asap. Are you in a state with no fault divorce? If so, unfortunately, since u r the provider, she will get a chunk of your money Money is not the issue. Staying ina bad relationship is not smart at all. Mobve on. Actually if it is revenge or not does not matter. He does not have to take the high road. He can play scorched earth if he desires. There is no virute in being a doormat. Nothing says you have to play fair. Though I think you are. Getting a divorce is not revenge. It is doing the right thing.
Entropy3000 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 ok. a second opinion will be scheduled ASAP. i am in counceling btw, started right after this was dumped on me. as someone stated above, i have no idea how long this has been going on. looking back on phone and bank statements she actually went out and partied while i was in the hospital clinging to life a few years back. i think for most people that would be enough. there are LOTS of texts and calls in the early AM and the numbers are not tracable. ok. so i'll get a second opinion and go from there. i guess i knew the answer. thanks for the help. Just noticed this. Ok that is it kick this ***** to the curb. She is toxic.
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