Reconnection after 10 years is headed towards sex only! How do I change it?

[Anya P]

About ten years ago, I was sort of seeing this guy in my neighborhood. However, my family soon moved from there, and with that, we lost all contact with each other. Now, after so many years, the wonders of technology have got us in touch with each other again.

He was so surprised to hear my voice and there was an instant reconnection. We began the whole texting, talking phase etc. He asked me if I was single and if I wanted to get together. I said I'd like to see where this goes.

That night he called and he said that he would prefer to have a fwb relationship with me, because there was somebody that his parents wanted him to be with, and that he would have to look at her as a possible long term partner. In his own words he said "When i told you I was single, what I meant was that I'm single, yet unavailable."

You can imagine how that crushed me. It took me all the effort in the world to tell him that it didn't affect me. I didn't want to scare him away by insisting on a something serious.

So he calls everyday, and texts, and he likes me... and we still haven't had sex yet, but I know it will happen soon!

I really like this guy, and I think fate is just a b**ch for weaving such complicated situations around it. What do i do? Because I am going mad here!

[JazzyFox]

That night he called and he said that he would prefer to have a fwb relationship with me, because there was somebody that his parents wanted him to be with, and that he would have to look at her as a possible long term partner. In his own words he said "When i told you I was single, what I meant was that I'm single, yet unavailable."

!

 

Arranged marriages? This sounds so antiquated or un-northamerican. I cant help but place my own cultural biais to this situation and tell you that in those circumstances there is no f-ing way that I wold even consider being fwb with him.

 

First of all, for him to mention his sexual desire before even seeing you (and after 10 years) is incredily juvenile. Second of all, sex should come as an extension of a great connection "in person" not as an introduction. Now I understand that some men (and women) use sex to express their feelngs for another person, but that's not what we are talking about here. He seems to want to sow his oats and put a few notches on his belt before he gets saddled by his family with the "right girl" for marriage.

 

So do you want to be another notch?

[geegirl]

So he calls everyday, and texts, and he likes me... and we still haven't had sex yet, but I know it will happen soon!

I really like this guy, and I think fate is just a b**ch for weaving such complicated situations around it. What do i do? Because I am going mad here!

 

It's not a complicated situation. He's chosen to comply with his parent's demands and pursue the other woman as a long term partner. He's decided to pursue you as a mere f*** buddy. He's made two straight forward choices for himself.

 

You really like this guy and will at some point after sex, get emotionally attached. You're already giddy with the non-physical attention that he is giving you. And of course he likes you, you're going to be giving him the goodies! He has to call, text, to keep the attention going so you remain interested, soon bringing his FWB request to fruition.

 

You'll go even more mad when you're caught emotionally and feeling used as a person that he only hangs out with when he wants to get sex, while he builds long term plans with the other woman.

 

And who wants a man that's promising a future to this woman while he's sleeping with others. If he's doing it to her, he'll do it to you. You're establishing the role of f*** buddy. Most likely you'll never get promoted when you've demoted yourself to someone that just provides him with a benefit.

Edited June 18, 2011 by geegirl

[Kilty]

It's not a complicated situation. He's chosen to comply with his parent's demands and pursue the other woman as a long term partner. He's decided to pursue you as a mere f*** buddy. He's made two straight forward choices for himself.

 

You really like this guy and will at some point after sex, get emotionally attached. You're already giddy with the non-physical attention that he is giving you. And of course he likes you, you're going to be giving him the goodies! He has to call, text, to keep the attention going so you remain interested, soon bringing his FWB request to fruition.

 

You'll go even more mad when you're caught emotionally and feeling used as a person that he only hangs out with when he wants to get sex, while he builds long term plans with the other woman.

 

And who wants a man that's promising a future to this woman while he's sleeping with others. If he's doing it to her, he'll do it to you. You're establishing the role of f*** buddy. Most likely you'll never get promoted when you've demoted yourself to someone that just provides him with a benefit.

 

 

Couldnt put it better myself - and you must have really low self esteem to be even considering it.

[Anya P]

Well, you're all right! I can't argue with that... Typically, I would've been the one giving the advise to stay away. Somehow, when you yourself are confronted with these emotions, it can be very difficult to make the obviously right choice. But I think I am going to drop it... though it's going to take a lot from me! But that is the only way for me to be at peace... Thanks a million for all your

suggestions!

Anya

[D-Lish]

It's a no brainer- run.

 

You have to respect yourself. You have the outcome in your lap already mapped out- do you really want to go there?????

 

Respect yourself, don't get involved.