california15 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 after a long day at work when I ran into target to get something real quick. No make up, I'm sure I looked like complete crap - At this point, 3 weeks post break up.m I think its great that I can get up and go to work and not cry. I'm not at that stage where I feel like I need to get dolled up everytime single time I go out. Thus = looked like crap. Except he looked sooo f***ing hot standing in line, holding his motorcyle helment, all tan and sexy and wasn't even trying. Brought all these memories back and I was literally speechless and my heartbeat got all irregular and I could feel it. literally. Awkward eye contact. I pretty much blew it because I was walking towards him, he saw me, I saw him and literally did a 180 and walked the other way, straight out to my car, didn't buy anything, and cried the whole way home. Didn't even try to play it cool. I'm sure he's thinking something like "wow. she looks like crap. Good thing shes gone and I got a new gf whose prettier" I always thought when I'd see him after the breakup I'd look damn good and he'd be sad to see what he's missing. But nooo. Crapella over here blew it and left and he knows I literally turned around and left because of him. Ego stroke. Awkward, horrible moment over I guess. At least I didn't cry in front of him. Just wished I didn't look like crap and was strong enough to have kept walking.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I'm trying to imagine this in my mind. I don't know what he is into but I would probably feel more turned on by what you did rather than you walk up all "prettied up" and try to play it cool. but then again I don't know what he's into and I'm more of a casual laid back guy.
stray Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Omg, that sounds horrible. BUT, don't trip. You just THINK he looked hot because you're not over him yet. To all other observers he probably looks pretty average. And to all other observers, you probably looked fine. I highly doubt he saw you and thought "she looks like crap". He probably saw you and was like, "oh f**k!", exactly as you thought. He probably didn't keep his cool either and went into frozen mode, and you left and he probably doesn't even know you left. Anyway. Point is, don't let it set you back. Same thing happened to me about 5 years ago with my ex, who I at the time thought was super hot. THEN, because I was SO insecure about how he saw me, I forced a meeting with him like 2 months later looking REALLY hot (got hair done, went to the tanning salon, got down to such a low weight people were calling me anorexic, etc.) and he slept with me, and then rejected me immediately afterwards. What I'm saying is no matter what you look like, he is still a huge jackass. And if I remember your story correctly, this guy is like a HUGE jackass, and I live in Los Angeles and thus have dated some serious bottom feeders. But even I'm shocked by what a huge as*hole he is. Anyway, do not worry. He doesn't matter. I would never get back with the ex I just referenced now. Never. But it took a while to "get better" and realize i "deserved better". It's gonna take you a couple months, maybe longer. But I PROMISE you will feel that way, and you won't care what he thinks, eventually. Just stay strong.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Pfffft. Natural beauty is gorgeous, and yeah you just think he looks hot because of course he's attractive to you. Guess what? You saw your ex... and you lived through it. He didn't see you cry, and you probably scared the crap out of him because you did the unexpected. You turned right around and left! he was probably like Omg... she just left? Wtf? So don't beat yourself up. You're awesome cali. Stay strong.
sun_moon Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Gosh reading your response made me cringe, just imagining me being in your shoes. looked sooo f***ing hot standing in line, holding his motorcyle helment, all tan and sexy and wasn't even trying. Um yeah, I would be in that situation as well. Hell, everyday I hear motorcycles zooming by, especially now that summer is here, each damn noise is a constant reminder of him, don't get me started on seeing couples on a bike. I'm really glad you didnt go up to him and talk to him though, in my eyes, its still more than a partial victory!
sun_moon Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Pfffft. Natural beauty is gorgeous, and yeah you just think he looks hot because of course he's attractive to you. Guess what? You saw your ex... and you lived through it. He didn't see you cry, and you probably scared the crap out of him because you did the unexpected. You turned right around and left! he was probably like Omg... she just left? Wtf? So don't beat yourself up. You're awesome cali. Stay strong. haha I second that, you mind ****ed him....tehehhehe
Author california15 Posted June 19, 2011 Author Posted June 19, 2011 thanks guys. I'm just glad he wasn't standing with her. THAT would have been way worse, and this was bad enough. I don't even want to go there. I not expecting any reach out... esp after the nasty gram but I started checking my phone more... When I saw him part of me wanted to run and jump in his arms and kiss him and run my fingers through his hair at the back of his neck like we did all the time and then part of me wanted to just go off and push him and rip him a new one because I'm hurting. Actually, I'd like us to be cordial if we were to ever run into each other YEARs down the line. Damn. Maybe one day I won't be attracted to him, but just seeing him made me realize just how attractive I think he is. I hope that goes away soon. sunmoon and teary - yeah I think he was shocked too but I didn't want to stick around to see if he was going to acknowledge/ignore me. He's probably over thinking it too, because he used to do that every now and then. stray - what you said hit a nail on the head; about being insecure. The breakup definitely makes me feel like that now. I think I feel like I wasn't pretty enough for him or something and he had to find someone better, that when I saw him next I wanted him to be "wow shes so attractive" and realize [like i just did when I saw him]. I'm sorry to hear about your story. That would just devastate me if that happened to me too. and yeah... a little bit of an a** at times Heartofapheonix; I'm more of a laid back girl too usually - every once and while I do like to feel girly and get my nails done or my hair or something (I'm not not so much high maintence or really girly) but i remember one day he told me I should spend more time getting ready and try harder to try to look my best for him all the time and since he did the same for me he expected the same and I think maybe that sparked that I felt I had to be all dolled up all the time for him or something. I don't know. But you make a good point - like KNOWING they look all done up because they're trying. So in that aspect, thanks for making that point. I would probably feel worse if I did get all dolled up and he still ignored me or made a comment about trying too hard or something I used to never care this much about appearances. Now I'm paranoid about target haha...
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