Goatsbreath Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Any opinions on this? I've done this before with girls and I don't know, It's has led to bad results. Usually what happens, i meet a girl we text text text and then slowly you start to notice the texts drop off and automatically you start thinking, "oh crap, what's up, am I losing this one." Now, this girl, I only get to see her like once a week or sometimes every 2 weeks due to distance and some other circumstances I just don't want to go into as I want to keep this about the texting. So I try to rationalize it like well we have to text but still I think its bad. Whats the take on this?
youngskywalker Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 From my own experience and many others in this forum will tell you to stay away from texting. Do a search on it.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 In the beginning of the "relationship" you only text to make plans, not have conversations. If you text conversations, things can be misunderstood, and you'll be written off easier, and you wont be able to defend your remarks. Then you text sometime before the date to confirm, thats it. You always assume they will flake until you actually see them.
thatone Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 i've been thinking about this too. being generally hard headed and unwilling to quit something until i've theoretically perfected it, i've been contemplating a way to overcome the issue without abandoning texts altogether. since my most recent more-than-first-date is away with her parents for father's day weekend and mine live out of state i've got nothing else to do on this friday/saturday so i'm plotting on it, because there's gonna be a lot of texts in the next couple days . here's my theory: texting is conversation like anything else. i think people detach it from real conversation, but if you were to put MORE effort into the texts, rather than less, you might be able to keep interest going with it rather than kill interest with it. depending on the person on the other end of the line, of course. the details of that are obvious, you gotta limit the texts until you have something worthwhile to say, that's going to lead to a conversation she'll want to have. of course it's a potential minefield, you have to be careful that your points come across in text the way you want them to, so you don't create the wrong idea. we all stumble across these things all the time. for example: girl i went out with recently responded to a text of mine about doing some sort of activity, i forget what it was, but she used the phrase "a bit" and commented that she's been saying that a lot lately and "a bit" is her new phrase. i instantly responded that no it was not hers, it's MINE (all caps just like that) because i say "a bit" all the time and she can't have it. she instantly got the flirtatious/sarcastic tone of that, and it progressed to a conversation about how brits say that phrase all the time, and as it turned out we both had friends in the UK, etc. so it went well. we wound up both sending flirtatiously confrontational/sarcastic things back and forth to each other for quite awhile that day. now, she could've taken that all caps confrontation two different ways, either playfully sassy or flirtatious, which is what it was and which she picked up on, or she could've taken it as a weird annoyance on my part about something she said. so while it happened to turn out well, it could have not turned out so well unless we knew each other well enough already to get those sarcastic/flirtatious points across without being face to face. so with that in mind, this is my new policy on texting. i don't send mindless stuff back and forth. i keep something to say in my pocket for when it's needed. i'm not gonna start with the "hey what's up" openers anymore. i pick a time when i know she's likely to be not busy, and start the texts with something interesting, that invites further conversation. in short, just like a phone call, because it's on a damn phone after all (makes sense right?) you don't call people to say 'what's up' and then hang up 30 seconds later. you call when you have something to say. applying the same principles to texts, i think, would work. but you have to be skillful about it and make sure the points come across how you want them to.
youngskywalker Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 In the beginning of the "relationship" you only text to make plans, not have conversations. If you text conversations, things can be misunderstood, and you'll be written off easier, and you wont be able to defend your remarks. Then you text sometime before the date to confirm, thats it. You always assume they will flake until you actually see them. My view is the opposite. In the beginning of a relationship texting should be avoided at all costs. Never plan a date through a text message. It encourages the wishy-washiness [you] seek to avoid. I've blown a couple of relationships through chronic texting and learned the hard way. My advice is: if your soon to be date starts texting you just give a belated response and keep it very simple. Don't feed their need for attention. Call them on the phone and make a date.
AmericanHoney Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I personally hate when people text. My ex did that all the freaking time and I hated it! First off I never could read him through texts so I never knew how he was feeling,etc and maybe just maybe if we had actually talked instead of text back and forth I could of read him and had known he was up to no good.
D-Lish Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 My view is the opposite. In the beginning of a relationship texting should be avoided at all costs. Never plan a date through a text message. It encourages the wishy-washiness [you] seek to avoid. I've blown a couple of relationships through chronic texting and learned the hard way. My advice is: if your soon to be date starts texting you just give a belated response and keep it very simple. Don't feed their need for attention. Call them on the phone and make a date. So may people hate the phone- it seems weird to talk to someone before you meet in person. I have anxiety about the phone so I avoid it at all costs. I want things to develop this way: (Assuming we are talking online dating) Exchange e-mails .Feel comfortable enough to move to texting- then arrange a meeting. I am so busy, I can't text 20 times a day. I get to it when I can. One thing I can tell you- if I like someone, I will make myself more available.
Author Goatsbreath Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 I am so busy, I can't text 20 times a day. I get to it when I can. One thing I can tell you- if I like someone, I will make myself more available. Another trouble, too available! Sounds like you are probably playing it right but for me I make myself too available I think. There is a fine line. When I'm responding to every text within a hour I think that is too available. I don't know, like I want to respond. I feel like I'm playing a game if I don't just respond like I want to. But..I guess you need to play this game.
D-Lish Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 (edited) Another trouble, too available! Sounds like you are probably playing it right but for me I make myself too available I think. There is a fine line. When I'm responding to every text within a hour I think that is too available. I don't know, like I want to respond. I feel like I'm playing a game if I don't just respond like I want to. But..I guess you need to play this game. It's just a crap shoot until you meet in person. You can think you have a method that works, but until you meet and decide there is chemistry, it is what it is- a crap shoot. Edited June 18, 2011 by D-Lish
Author Goatsbreath Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 I know this person actually so it's not that I don't know her. We have actually hung out in same group of friends many times. I didn't know her great then but now that we are communicating "just us" I've come to know her a lot better, mostly through texts.
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