Woggle Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 This woman seems to think so. http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/when-a-woman-cheats-shes-looking-for-more-than-satisfying-another-man/2011/06/16/AGf0f6XH_story.html I read this and people wonder why I have such a hard time getting past my trust issues.
alexandria35 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Ugh...I read the article and I think the author has a really misguided sense of what female empowerment really is. I see nothing liberating or powerful about participating in lies and deceit. If anything, I would think that day to day lying would eventually erode a persons sense of power and selfworth, because if we are truly liberated and free then we don't need to keep our actions hidden in secret. The more I mature the more upfront and open I become. I don't pretend, I don't lie, I don't sneak. I live my life the way I want to, but I do it openly, and I'm feeling more free and liberated all the time.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 It boils down to this.... What are YOU going to do about it?
threebyfate Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 *scratches head* That's weird. I'm a feminist and have never cheated. Better start working on this now so I too can join with my sistahs!
threebyfate Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 As we're all perfectly aware, cheaters never lie to justify themselves.
Author Woggle Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 I don't think cheating has anything to do with the feminism but this an example of the kind of people who have hijacked the movement.
threebyfate Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Some dumb woman who was naive enough to believe her lying, cheating and deceitful friend, does not equal the entire movement being hijacked.
Mr.Harris Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 most women cheat to get emotional fulfillment... No, they don't.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 The point is that you won't find someone pitching cheating as male empowerment in the Washington Post or the NY Times.... but you you will find women saying that. How many men have we seen recently lose huge by having an affair? I have yet to see 1 woman suffer ill effects.
Author Woggle Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 The point is that you won't find someone pitching cheating as male empowerment in the Washington Post or the NY Times.... but you you will find women saying that. How many men have we seen recently lose huge by having an affair? I have yet to see 1 woman suffer ill effects. If there were a famous woman caught not all woman would support her but she would have a good number of cheerleaders.
rafallus Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I don't think cheating has anything to do with the feminism but this an example of the kind of people who have hijacked the movement. Again, they're trying to make themselves look better in the end. As seen here, it doesn't work too well.
Taramere Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I think it's a very misguided form of feminism. Here's the thinking it seems to stem from... Even supposedly enlightened women’s media outlets push the message that male satisfaction should be our primary objective. Just take a look at the latest issue of Cosmopolitan: The massively popular women’s magazine, which takes the phrase “Fun, Fearless, Female” as its rallying cry, devotes no fewer than three of its seven cover lines to the pursuit of male gratification. (“His 6 Secret Sex Spots,” blares one headline. “What Men Crave in July,” promises another.) The care and feeding of men, we are told, is paramount. (“How do you keep your man from cheating on you?” My question to that journalist would be "what or who is it that encourages women to feel blameworthy when their partners cheat on them? Men?" Well, looking at the examples she's given, women make women feel blameworthy for it. Groups of women getting together, women's magazines etc. Things I've read in the OW section substantiate that opinion. I don't see a lot of men coming on here and telling women "you got cheated on because you are a crappy person/not good enough in bed/not interesting enough" etc. Sure there are some wind-up merchants or trolls who will do that, but I think more commonly men will take the view (with regard to cheating) that it's about variety...and some people's craving for variety will prevail at the cost of their closest relationships. The ending of her article... This month, a group of Malaysian women launched the Obedient Wife Club, which purports to teach women how to be more dutiful to their husbands and therefore prevent male adultery.) Women should feel lucky to get what they can, and while they can get it. That's like looking a Stepford Wife type over and getting all big eyed and sympathetic about how oppressed she is by society. She made the choice to dress like that and to behave like that. The fact that society extends more approval (in theory, at least) to women who conform doesn't mean mean that women have no choice but to conform. It's not liberated to deal with anxiety and abandonment issues by cheating. If a woman has those anxieties and issues, the more liberated thing to do is surely to try to free herself from them by learning not to have a kneejerk "it's all my fault" response to the choices other people make, and developing a shield against others - such as the women's magazines and women's groups the journalist in that article cited - who try to keep her confined and miserable by that "I made him cheat...I wasn't good enough" mentality.
OldOnTheInside Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 (edited) Many of the initial ideals of feminism are long gone anyway (at least in the western world...there are obviously places where a bit of equality couldn't hurt). It is a perfect example of something that sounds relatively reasonable on paper, being manipulated into something comepletely different when implemented in real life. In this case, you are looking at a simple coping mechanism a person can use to reduce the significane of their own actions. So if anyone here does have any grand, revolutionary ideas...don't expect things to turn out the way you planned. Edited June 18, 2011 by OldOnTheInside
quankanne Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I don't think cheating has anything to do with the feminism but this an example of the kind of people who have hijacked the movement. nope, it doesn't – in my eyes, cheating is the ultimate act of lying, betrayal ... and let's face it, stupidity. If you want someone that bad, you get out of the other relationship and *be* available, not grab whatever it is you want and then justify your actions to two people who believe they've got sole possession of your heart! as far as "feminism" goes, the people who loudly tout it have lost touch with what feminism is truly about: Making the most of your womanly gifts, not trying to one-up men
sally4sara Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 The history of man is not one completely free of oppression, but when it happens it is a situation of human oppression; everyone but a few living under enforced limitations. Gender discrimination has been the history of women. To be expected to be monogamous, make vow to be monogamous and then betray this hasn't always been accepted and still isn't completely. But when it has been accepted (or even just ignored) in our history, it has been men and even justified by the suggestion that it is asking some heroic amount of self control for a man to accomplish monogamy. How would one man know how much easier it is for a woman? How would he even know if all men find it as hard as he does? And then the assumption that it is easy for women to be monogamous. Based on what? All this causing some vibe of not being monogamous is so fun AND a privilege. If striving for equality means removing all gender restrictions and the expectation of monogamy gets promoted to be nigh irresistible, its naturally going to be a target by those getting no acceptance for it. Its so awesome is it? Well lets find out for ourselves..... What is embittering is that this is how men rolled excusing it by claiming promiscuity is your natural state and monogamy your burden while you think that same state is easy for women. The cherry on top, this thread's premise, is that when a woman doesn't live up to monogamy, it has to be some act of gender hatred to you Woggle. Has it be an act of gender hatred all along when men cheat?
Author Woggle Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 The history of man is not one completely free of oppression, but when it happens it is a situation of human oppression; everyone but a few living under enforced limitations. Gender discrimination has been the history of women. To be expected to be monogamous, make vow to be monogamous and then betray this hasn't always been accepted and still isn't completely. But when it has been accepted (or even just ignored) in our history, it has been men and even justified by the suggestion that it is asking some heroic amount of self control for a man to accomplish monogamy. How would one man know how much easier it is for a woman? How would he even know if all men find it as hard as he does? And then the assumption that it is easy for women to be monogamous. Based on what? All this causing some vibe of not being monogamous is so fun AND a privilege. If striving for equality means removing all gender restrictions and the expectation of monogamy gets promoted to be nigh irresistible, its naturally going to be a target by those getting no acceptance for it. Its so awesome is it? Well lets find out for ourselves..... What is embittering is that this is how men rolled excusing it by claiming promiscuity is your natural state and monogamy your burden while you think that same state is easy for women. The cherry on top, this thread's premise, is that when a woman doesn't live up to monogamy, it has to be some act of gender hatred to you Woggle. Has it be an act of gender hatred all along when men cheat? So this justifies cheating in your mind? I have a hard time figuring you out. Sometimes I read your posts and fully agree with you and then a read something like this and you sound like a misandrist. I read one time that you actually cut off a friend for cheating on a guy but then you encourage it in this post so I don't know.
sally4sara Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 So this justifies cheating in your mind? I have a hard time figuring you out. Sometimes I read your posts and fully agree with you and then a read something like this and you sound like a misandrist. I read one time that you actually cut off a friend for cheating on a guy but then you encourage it in this post so I don't know. The reason for your confusion is that you assume my attempt to see things from a view point I don't value is an act of encouragement. Say your whole life you were told scrapple was a delicacy women could barely resist and you couldn't have any of it because you were a man. You know that your dad and grand dad would have been socially shunned if people knew they'd eaten scrapple. And beyond, even older generations of men had been beaten or executed for eating scrapple. Then you go off to college and meet a group of guys in your age group planning to do something bold - eat some scrapple as an act of defiance. Are you telling me that not joining them but understanding why they were confused enough to idealize eating scrapple is the same thing as encouraging them to eat scrapple? So why do some women get the idea that infidelity is what really good? Same damn reasons for why we as consumers think of diamonds as being the best gem - we are taught to and because we believe it, diamonds ARE idealized. As well diamond sellers sit on huge amounts of diamonds making them seem rarer than they are. If they put them all on the market, the first thing that would happen would be everyone who couldn't afford or didn't have diamonds before the market became flooded with them would run out and get as icy as they could. Then next thing that would happen would be the value of diamonds would plummet and no one would care about them. Same formula. Tell these folks you can't resist something something they can't have and that something becomes idealized. You still haven't seen the shadow of your own line of thinking and its why you see the big bad mean women everywhere you look. I'll ask again. Has it always been an act of gender hatred when men cheat? Why is it only an act of gender hatred to you when women cheat?
Entropy3000 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 This woman seems to think so. http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/when-a-woman-cheats-shes-looking-for-more-than-satisfying-another-man/2011/06/16/AGf0f6XH_story.html I read this and people wonder why I have such a hard time getting past my trust issues. Pretty nauseating. I am seeing more and more of this attitude. She admits that the husband did not deserve to be cheated on. So this guy gets screwed over in the name of cheering on her sistah. Messed up. But now becoming all too common an attitude.
Author Woggle Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 All cheating is not an act of gender hatred but the view from the author and it seems you in this thread that men deserve to be betrayed as an act of feminist revenge is about gender hatred.
Entropy3000 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 The point is that you won't find someone pitching cheating as male empowerment in the Washington Post or the NY Times.... but you you will find women saying that. How many men have we seen recently lose huge by having an affair? I have yet to see 1 woman suffer ill effects. It is becoming way too acceptable for women to cheat. After all they deserve it. You see them get cheered on by many women and some men. Usually men whose wives are treating them like doormats. Not saying they get a total pass yet but the pendulum is swinging that way. Legally there is not big penalty for this behavior that I have seen. Hypergamy.
Author Woggle Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 But when men defend porn and strip clubs we are horrible pigs. Somehow looking at an image on a computer screen is worse than actually having sex with another man.
Entropy3000 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 All cheating is not an act of gender hatred but the view from the author and it seems you in this thread that men deserve to be betrayed as an act of feminist revenge is about gender hatred. Totally agree.
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