GivenUp0083 Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 It's been 7 weeks since my relationship ended, and I think I am ready to meet new people. I used to online date, but there's no way in frozen hell I'll ever go back to that worthless approach. I've tried talking to friends about setting me up (most of my friends are engaged or married) with one of their single lady friends, but I can't seem to get them to help me out. Mainly because they claim they don't know any and because they don't like being in the middle of two friends and a dating situation. Has anyone tried speed dating? There seems to be quite a few websites that have events in the Chicago area where I live, so there's definitely an abundance. Has anyone had success? I'm not exactly looking for insta-relationship, I'm just looking to get out there an meet women who are intelligent, funny, looking to see if we click at all. For those of you who have done it: How many people were there? How many people did you circle "yes" for? How many people did you get matched up with? What were the people like for the most part? How old are you? I'm 28, but some of these events are ranging from 25-35, would I be considered too young?
thatone Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 they sound like paying the cover charge at a bar only not being able to pick and choose who you talk to and when.
Cee Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I've done speed dating twice, but once it was more of a hipster "let's do speed dating" thing. I don't think it's worth $30, but it's kind of interesting. It's good to go with a friend. Most women bring a wing woman along. And guys do that too. My friend who is a speed dating veteran said, "There's always a drunk girl and a girl who is dressed slutty." He was right. I went with him and we were at the 35-45 crowd. He's 42 and ended up matching with somebody. He nicknamed her "hot body" and didn't think she'd like him. I will vouch for her good looks- she was like a trampy Sophia Loren. But she matched with him and they went on a rock climbing date, but it didn't lead anywhere. I, however, totally flopped and got a "let's be friends" from one guy. I didn't like the 8 minute date concept because you basically want to talk to one person there more in depth and not have to move along. Go ahead and try it, but don't take it too seriously. Your age is perfectly fine. In fact, people out of the age range join the group. I talked to a guy who was 31 and asked him why he was in the 35+ group. He said he didn't take the age thing seriously. Turns out he was the most popular guy there. During the break, mixer period, he had women swarming him.
grkBoy Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I dunno. I think you should research online and really find out which events get the nice mix of genders and which ones end up as total duds. I've never done speed dating, so you can totally dismiss my opinions if you want. Had several friends try it, but they were all disappointed in the results. They were all guys, and in the different times they went, they ran into similar scenarios where a chunk of the women were not even looking to date anyone in general (or they claim that because they've already assessed that they or all the guys are "unworthy"). I think those particular women more or less "came along for moral support" of one friend who is actually seeking a boyfriend. One colleague even said he found out pretty much all the women in the speed dating picked NONE of the guys. Meaning they didn't pick anyone and basically stated they didn't want to know any of these guys. I don't know if this will be you. You could go in, meet attractive women, and end up with loads of numbers or emails. I just think you should research and look to make sure ANY group/event you decide to hit up has a good reputation (so you're not wasting your time). I also think you should go in with no expectations. Just socially meet people, see what happens. Good luck.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 I don't have expectations of meeting anyone special, I just like meeting new people and I feel like I need to get out there an do something. Again, with online dating I just don't have great pictures and I don't know how well my profile's have been written in the past, but I always did very very well on the actual dates (I'm a very social person, I'm in sales, I make friends easily, I make very good conversation). So I guess I'm trying to play to my strength. I'm sure there's mixed reviews about speed dating overall but I'm sure there's some good ones. The site I'm looking at says they've been doing speed dating for 4 years in all major cities, and they say if you go an don't meet anyone that you're interested in, they'll let you come back again for free. That's somewhat of a success guarantee in my eyes, so I might give it a shot. I'll try to convince my buddy to go with, but I figure it would be awkward if we picked the same girl and both started dating her.... How many people are at these events usually? What's the ratio of men to women? During the mixer period, what's the point of that? I'd think that if I met all the girls during the speed date, and there was one I was really interested in, then saw her flirting away with another dude afterward, I'd be discourage to even pursue her. I guess I don't know, I've never done it before.
NicoleM Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I did speed dating once and weird part was there were more woman than men and alot of them were older like over 40 and the women were under 35.
Imajerk17 Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I don't know. You're in a really big city, it's summer, there *has* to be hotties out and about in the park, at Safeway, at Target, in their summer dresses and flip-flops showing skin and looking great. There's probably quite a few of them where you are, and unlike those in a small town, a large enough fraction of them are single. Why not just approach those women?
Dust Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Seems pretty lame especially for a guy in his twenties. Just go to the park, beach, festivals, etc. and meet women while entertaining yourself and having a good time.
fishtaco Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Some speed dating events are "loaded". They run into the same problem as online... more men than women. So the organizers would ask their female friends to sit in and pose as potential dates. Of course, after the 5, 8 minute chat, they will never mark you down as a possibility, because they're only at the even as a favor to their friends, not to look for a date. Speed dating events are also usually held at clubs/bars. So what some people do is they show up to the club, NOT participate in the speed dating event, then hit up on the women once the event is over, since participants are more likely just hanging out. I guess they get a slightly higher percentage than just hitting up on women at a random bar, because these women are already in the mindset of "looking". With that said, I met one of my ex's at a speed dating event. She was participating, I didn't even know there was an event there. I just showed up because it was my Wednesday night spot. I have fairly large social circle, and I go out all the time. That's how I generate new opportunities. But I do enjoy large social circles, I enjoy having many friends, and I enjoy going out. So for some people doing things this way may be torture.
Arikel Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 The idea of speed dating intimidates me .. meeting a bunch of people and not being able to sort of pick who you want to speak to. On the other hand, I guess it does force you to look beyond your own little 'comfort zone' and explore new possibilities. I can't imagine having the same conversation with like 8 guys in 30 mins, I can be very chatty and bubbly, but doing it to 8 different people (whom I may not be remotely interested in) in a row might grow old. If I didn't online date, I think I might go for those matchmaking services that people up for dates like Lunch Actually or something
Cee Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I did speed dating once and weird part was there were more woman than men and alot of them were older like over 40 and the women were under 35. Oh I forgot about that part. They try to make speed dating 50/50, but one time there were more women so we had to sit out a round. So GivenUp, the male/female ratio tilts in your favor. But remember you might at best talk to 8-10 women. I think meetup.com or social events is better in the long run. And yeah, they try to do speed dating where the men are older and the women are younger. I guess that's okay for the men as well. I say go for it, but have zero expectations. You'll likely have a pleasant time, but it's pretty artificial.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 (edited) I don't know. You're in a really big city, it's summer, there *has* to be hotties out and about in the park, at Safeway, at Target, in their summer dresses and flip-flops showing skin and looking great. There's probably quite a few of them where you are, and unlike those in a small town, a large enough fraction of them are single. Why not just approach those women? Seems pretty lame especially for a guy in his twenties. Just go to the park, beach, festivals, etc. and meet women while entertaining yourself and having a good time. Honestly, I get out plenty, I'm very social. I work a lot and I have been working out a lot as well. The thing is.....random girls at the beach, street festivals, I just don't really meet girls that I like at any of those events. My focus when I'm out isn't to cater to women, my focus is to have fun and enjoy the event or being out with my friends. I don't really give a rats who else is at the bar and I don't like pursuing women in that environment. Otherwise picking up a girl becomes your focus or goal, you approach a few, maybe have some fun conversation that goes nowhere/maybe get shot down, and you feel like you failed. EFF THAT! I go out to enjoy myself and I'm plenty busy with my group of friends. It's just not my thing. I have no interest in meeting women that way. I'm just trying to get creative here. I don't have expectations. I think we're so much more easily fooled into thinking online dating or websites will generate any kind of dating results. I know my strengths, and it's one on one conversation with women that I KNOW are looking. Out at bars, beaches, more public events...you have no idea what these girls are looking for, who they're involved with, why they're out, or even if they would be interested in you. It's a major shot in the dark, and I guess puting a lot of effort into meeting random women is not something I'm willing to do. Speed dating seems like it's much easier...they set up the event, they get women who are seeking to show up, and I get 5-8 minutes to talk to them (which I'm very good at). So I figure it might be worth a shot. I'm not banking on it to find the love of my life like some of you presume. Edited June 18, 2011 by GivenUp0083
Dust Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Honestly, I get out plenty, I'm very social. I work a lot and I have been working out a lot as well. The thing is.....random girls at the beach, street festivals, I just don't really meet girls that I like at any of those events. You’ll meet even less girls at a speed dating event. You have the opportunity to possibly hit it off with an infinite amount of girls when out and about just living your life. Example you’re at the mall buying a gift there will be women all around. You spot a girl who makes your day and decide hey I’ll strike up a conversation should be fun “I know you don’t work here but can I ask you a question” she smiles and nods “I’m looking for a gift for my mother I wanted to buy her some nice soap what do you think of this?” before you know you’re having fun and you have an idea of if you like her and she likes you. Then you take chance “thanks, I like talking with you, lets get dinner at a great place I know.” You don’t have to ask them out if you get the feeling they are annoyed or what ever but I just shoot for it the annoyance is often them being shy. So what if they are annoyed as long as you were polite and enjoyed being so close to a pretty girl. My focus when I'm out isn't to cater to women' date=' my focus is to have fun and enjoy the event or being out with my friends. I don't really give a rats who else is at the bar and I don't like pursuing women in that environment. Otherwise picking up a girl becomes your focus or goal, you approach a few, maybe have some fun conversation that goes nowhere/maybe get shot down, and you feel like you failed. EFF THAT! I go out to enjoy myself and I'm plenty busy with my group of friends. It's just not my thing. I have no interest in meeting women that way. [/quote'] If you do something like speed dating you are actually putting yourself in a more unnatural less fun setting then if you were just out and about and having conversations with women you found attractive. So, what if it goes no where you should just enjoy the conversation. Same goes with a date so what if it goes no where just enjoy the date. Stop feeling like a failure because the same thing will happen if you let it anywhere. No one said to go after women at a bar. I personally think hitting on women at a bar is as awkward as it gets and the least likely to work. So much easier to strike up a conversation with a woman when you are out doing something like such as looking at an art exhibit then out drinking. For me personally though part of the fun of going out to bars when I was single was me and my friends trying to dance, kiss, pick up girls. (I really was more shocked when it actualy worked then when it failed.) So please realize that by just having fun and talking to girls with no expectations other then to enjoy and see where it goes is more natural and less of a focus then going speed dating. I'm just trying to get creative here. I don't have expectations. I think we're so much more easily fooled into thinking online dating or websites will generate any kind of dating results. I know my strengths' date=' and it's one on one conversation with women that I KNOW are looking. Out at bars, beaches, more public events...you have no idea what these girls are looking for, who they're involved with, why they're out, or even if they would be interested in you. It's a major shot in the dark, and I guess puting a lot of effort into meeting random women is not something I'm willing to do. Speed dating seems like it's much easier...they set up the event, they get women who are seeking to show up, and I get 5-8 minutes to talk to them (which I'm very good at). So I figure it might be worth a shot. I'm not banking on it to find the love of my life like some of you presume.[/quote'] Don’t get so hung up on this “women you know are looking thing.” If the girl has a conversation with you she might be looking. If she goes on a date with you then you know she is looking. There are no guarantees you can have a kid with a woman and she will still leave you. Stop being so scared. It’s less effort to have fun and strike up conversations with the many beautiful women you will encounter in your day to day life then to be in an awkward pay for dating game situation. Speed dating seems like a game and just like internet skewed in womans favor to become really picky and judgmental as opposed to a more natural meeting.
Recommended Posts