confused1989 Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I'm coming up on 3 months of NC and I must say that things definitely get easier as time goes on. The best thing I could have done was delete my Facebook which I only did a few weeks ago but I think that's the thing that may have helped the most up to this point. The reason I'm posting is because I've heard from my ex every week or two and I thought I had gotten rid of her 3 weeks ago because I chose to delete her off of Facebook due to many reasons (her posting pictures with a new guy, her having me on limited profile, and me being tempted to check it and having relapses from checking it). The reason I felt like she was gone for good this time was because she texted me a sarcastic b*tchy text saying "hahahahaha don't know why you felt the need to delete me but anywa hope all is well". So fast forward to today and she's still texting me the whole "hi (myname)!!! how are you:)" and I guess it's still catching me a bit off guard. I have no desire to get back with her because she has put me through hell and back in my last year of university when I could of used her support the most. I feel like she completely turned on me out of the blue after she had pneumonia for a month and I took care of her. I feel like she took everything for granted and she talked down to me a lot. So, I know I don't owe her anything and I know I can live my life just fine without her being in it although I still do think about her a lot, but not in the same way as I did before. I find the timing weird because she's coming home in a few days after being away for a summer course for 6 weeks and I feel like she's just trying to get things back on good terms incase she ever bumps into me, I'm not too sure. The other side of me is saying that it's been 3 months so what harm could be done by replying? But I don't know, I guess I'm pretty confused. I'd rather her not message me at all and I'm worried about opening up to her and replying because she's going to ask what I'm up to etc., and I've been up to a lot and have a lot going for me right now but I don't feel a need to rub any of it in her face. I'm sure she might have things going for her too that I'm not too sure I want to hear about. I guess I'm going to be told to stick to NC but I just wanted to post here and hear some opinions anyway. I feel like after 90 days of NC I should be able to respond to her although when I think about it I don't know what difference it would really make either way. I guess being the type of guy that I am I kind of feel guilty still about not replying when she reaches out with "friendly" text messages, although it was only a few weeks ago that she sent me that b*tchy one.
batsheba Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 i am on day 77 of NC, 3rd month. do not break NC if you can. it will only put you back to the square one. do not know the nature of your break up, but usually if we stick to NC, the better the healing. i believe i am almost there. but then again we have different circumstances.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 maybe she's having regrets about the break up and wants you back, maybe she is just trying to get on good terms... who knows? you said you have no desire to get her back so I would definitely stick to NC. if you do want her back i would reply but keep it short and friendly, and also do not reply right away. I'd say if it's a text message just wait a few hours before replying.
Author confused1989 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 (edited) The nature of the breakup was not good. I have a few threads if you want to go check them out and get the details, I'm actually to the point now where I don't even remember a lot of the details but I know the breakup was very rough, got me to book a trip with her, kicked me out of it, went cold on me kind of out of no where, talked down to me, etc. I don't know but she didn't respect me very much at all during the relationship or after it. There's something that obviously keeps her coming back and texting me but I'm not sure what it is and I try not to put much thought into it. It's been going on for months though and it gets a little hard on the head sometimes. It's like when you start moving on and living your life without them they suddenly appear again. I'm just getting a little confused again because I don't feel like I should keep ignoring her, it doesn't sit well with me but at the same time I don't know what would happen if I responded either. It feels like a lose/lose to me. About a month ago she messaged me and I caved and responded (but it was a day later) and she ignored me back and shortly after posted a pciture of her cuddling into another guy which drove me to delete her off of FB. I just don't trust the girl. Her mother used to love me as did the rest of her family but when we were breaking up my ex tried to put all the blame on me. Felt like I couldn't breathe and she would be crying and saying how bad of a person I was when I wasn't even doing anything and she couldn't even explain to me why she was crying or how I was "hurting her". So then I get texts from her mother who is obviously upset seeing her daughter upset all the time (i don't blame her for that) but her mom basically told me off and told me to stay away from her when I wasn't even doing anything wrong in the first place, my ex was just crazy emotional. Honest to god I don't feel like I did anything to deserve any of that treatment, and it ended things on a rough note. Her mom texted me kind of indirectly apologizing and said how great of a guy i was but it was rough seeing my ex turn on me and see her turn her family against me and stuff. I dunno it sounds like a junior high relationship when I say those things, I know. I just really have my guard up I guess but my ex gets into my head from time to time. Edited June 17, 2011 by confused1989
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 It feels like a lose/lose to me.first get out of this mindset, whatever happens happens and you will be the victor. get into the mindset that you are the one that got away and not her. with that said IF she wants another chance at the relationship it should be HER that wins over your heart. About a month ago she messaged me and I caved and responded (but it was a day later) and she ignored me back and shortly after posted a pciture of her cuddling into another guy which drove me to delete her off of FB.should have said this in my last post, if the message is just a simple "whats up?" just ignore it. only respond to messages that show a sense of direction and then reply later (gives you time to think, and her a chance to see that you have other things going for you). as for her ignoring your response it sounds like her initial message to you was something insignificant and she just wanted to see if you would respond (you fed her ego). and after she thinks that she has you wrapped around her finger no matter what she will do whatever she wants because she thinks you will always be there.
ludachris Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 hey man im on my 3rd month too and my ex actually texted me a couple days ago telling me she was sorry for anything she had ever done to me. and she told me that she just broke up with her new bf that she got 2 months after her and i broke up. I responded but with short answers letting her know in a way that i actually didnt wanna talk to her. I still do not wanna talk to her because i know if i do i could eventually start going back to what i was when we first broke up. giving her short answers didnt really set me back so much but i was thinking about it a lot that night and the next couple of days. Its up to you man but i say you should stick with no contact. until you feel its completely okay to talk to her you should. and you are soooo right deleting my ex's facebook helped me a ****load.
batsheba Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 hello batchmates LOL that is, 3 months NC all of us. i say, just move forward and NC more. otherwise, simply say in an email or text, unless our communication is in the nature of reconciliation, there really is no reason to keep in touch for now. however harsh that may sound, it will help to clear the air and move on, really. for me going NC was easy. my ex tortured me big time that i was looking for relief. again, our circumstances are different. he emailed me recently wishing me well and saying sorry for everything that happened. i didnt reply, what for? i am like ludachris in a way that..i really do not want to talk.
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