WhisperinnWinds Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I've been with my partner for nearly 3 years. To some extent, we have been happy together. But there have also been long periods of doubt, upset and anger. I sometimes feel happier when he walks out the door for work. In the beginning of our relationship he was still hung up on his ex and made sure to bring me down on that ship with him for the first year, year and a half. We mostly recovered. I still have some self-doubt and envy lingering from that, but I have mostly moved on. I started having serious and persistent doubts about our relationship nearly 2 years ago. He can be very self-centered (definitely in bed) and likes to dominate conversations. If I have a point of contention, he likes to overshadow me, complain we've already talked about it (even if it was months ago - feelings change!), or shoot down my feelings. Sometimes the comments will consist of, "You're just making up stuff to be unhappy." I don't think that this is true. Last night (I detailed this in another thread) he pointed out that he sees my weight as a 'negative feature' and 'unattractive.' While deep-down I know most men hate fat women, hearing that my boyfriend found my body unattractive hurt me. I want to keep completely covered up for the rest of my life. I feel ashamed, embarrassed and hurt. I don't know if I can be with someone who invalidates my feelings - if he disagrees, I'm 'making it up.' But at the same time, I feel like I'm always just going to meet men who are either happy that I'm overweight because it makes them feel secure, or men who want to change me. For the record, I've lost 20 pounds and will continue losing weight regardless of the men in my life. When did you know it was time for you to leave? I have serious doubts at least once a day, though usually multiple times a day. I often fantasize about other people and what I could do if I were single. Moreover, I think about packing up all of my stuff and leaving. Is there any hope for a relationship when it gets to this point?
batsheba Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 if you can, consider some time off for yourself first and evaluate the moves you truly want to take. consider break up as a forever thing, not just to hurt yourselves. if you can write him an email then it would help, that is if a face to face talk would seem impossible. but do think about it very carefully. you must also assert your right to be heard and tell him things that hurt you. pray and think before doing it. if afterall this you think you still want to take the leap of faith, then do it.
Annalisa Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Before breaking up with my ex, I'd been unhappy for awhile. One day, I asked myself why I was with him. The only answer I was able to give myself was "I don't know". And from then on, I knew we had to break up and I knew it had to be soon.
JazzyFox Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 He can be very self-centered (definitely in bed) and likes to dominate conversations. If I have a point of contention, he likes to overshadow me, complain we've already talked about it (even if it was months ago - feelings change!), or shoot down my feelings. Sometimes the comments will consist of, "You're just making up stuff to be unhappy." When did you know it was time for you to leave? I have serious doubts at least once a day, though usually multiple times a day. I often fantasize about other people and what I could do if I were single. Moreover, I think about packing up all of my stuff and leaving. Is there any hope for a relationship when it gets to this point? Well, this is comng from someone who also felt he was not listening, and then finally just packed my bags and QUIT. Is there love? Do you care for him? If so, then dont quit without one more effort ... Write it down, organize what you want to say, share it with him (preferable face to face), explain to him that if he cannot control his behaviour to within your boundaries then you should discuss separation. Be clear, concise, and unemotional. Make the list about what YOU expect from the relationship, not about HIS behaviour. Subtle nuance. Boundaries such as: - communicating and listening, without bullying - eliminating the putdowns, criticisms and comments about your weight - letting other relations and external situatins shadow and infect your relatinship - appreciating you and the things you do for the relationship And then once your expectations are clear, ENFORCE or leave. He had his warning call. And you will never regret having packed your bags.
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