LittleMonkey Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Ever since I went to her place after 5 days she's been ignoring my calls and she told me she's broken up with me already, I've been having recurring bad dreams. Every night I'm haunted by the breakup, I'm seeing her in my dreams, attempting to change her mind but she wouldn't. It's been getting worse about two weeks ago when I found out she has a new boyfriend (thanks to facebook, photos posted, profile pic of them together, wall posts of how she loves him and happy, and relationship status change a few days after that). Last night was a really vivid dream of seeing her and how she doesn't want me. Waking up at 4-5 AM (no matter when I go to sleep) depressed every day. I can't manage to fall asleep again, seeing her every time I close my eyes. I don't have any appetite, only eating when I feel my stomach grumbling. It's been 29 days of NC today, and she hasn't contacted me at all. I see some people getting texts or calls and ignoring them, but nothing like that for me... I'm trying to take care of myself, meeting friends and trying to go out as much as possible, running, exercising, buying new clothes, finding a job, moving to another city for a while... Everything reminds me of her and how I lost her, smells, places, items.. Each time a memory surfaces and strikes me like a knife in my broken heart. I'm feeling guilt, longing, emptiness, alone, loss... I really don't know what to do.
geegirl Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Just keep at what you're doing. Meeting new people, making friends, working out, etc. What you are going through is normal. It's only a month of NC. It gets worse before it gets better! This is a process LittleMonkey. There is no quick fix. I had bad dreams for months. Getting up at odd hours in a panic. Crying in my sleep and waking up with my pillow and face wet with tears. The dreams were so real. This was because my mind was like a hamster in a wheel. My mind was focused on the ex and the break up. But as you keep going NC and slowly detaching yourself, your thoughts will change itself around, the dreams will subside, and you'll be able to start coping again. It won't all go away in an instant but one month of NC is just the tip of the iceberg of your healing process. The only way past is through. It may seem like nothing is working, but it is. It's baby steps.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Ok you... no more self pity. Your ex decided that she doesn't WANT you, or your relationship anymore. Regardless of how much you love her, Regardless of how much you miss her, no matter what! She's moving on, and is probably relieved not to be hearing from you. Now matter how hard you would fight to make it work with her, she doesn't want it. Pissed yet? You should be. She threw what you guys had away and left it for the garbage man. Not to fear though, you're not alone. So... you've been making active steps trying to distract yourself which is great. I know it gets tiresome sometimes, because I feel that way too, but it is essential. Just make sure that you are taking the time to realize that you do have to experience some pain and hurt because it's part of the process. You miss her, which is normal, but you don't miss the girl that she is now, you miss the one you fell in love with. However... she permanently changed into the girl who's now with another guy and "is happy" and "loves him". You're better than being just a memory for someone who didn't value what you had to offer. So keep doing what you need to do to feel good about yourself, and to heal. You'll make it. Best of wishes in the future.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Just keep at what you're doing. Meeting new people, making friends, working out, etc. What you are going through is normal. It's only a month of NC. It gets worse before it gets better! This is a process LittleMonkey. There is no quick fix. I had bad dreams for months. Getting up at odd hours in a panic. Crying in my sleep and waking up with my pillow and face wet with tears. The dreams were so real. This was because my mind was like a hamster in a wheel. My mind was focused on the ex and the break up. But as you keep going NC and slowly detaching yourself, your thoughts will change itself around, the dreams will subside, and you'll be able to start coping again. It won't all go away in an instant but one month of NC is just the tip of the iceberg of your healing process. The only way past is through. It may seem like nothing is working, but it is. It's baby steps. I completely agree with geegirl. Gotta love her advice.
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 Ok you... no more self pity. Your ex decided that she doesn't WANT you, or your relationship anymore. Regardless of how much you love her, Regardless of how much you miss her, no matter what! She's moving on, and is probably relieved not to be hearing from you. Now matter how hard you would fight to make it work with her, she doesn't want it. Pissed yet? You should be. She threw what you guys had away and left it for the garbage man. Not to fear though, you're not alone. So... you've been making active steps trying to distract yourself which is great. I know it gets tiresome sometimes, because I feel that way too, but it is essential. Just make sure that you are taking the time to realize that you do have to experience some pain and hurt because it's part of the process. You miss her, which is normal, but you don't miss the girl that she is now, you miss the one you fell in love with. However... she permanently changed into the girl who's now with another guy and "is happy" and "loves him". You're better than being just a memory for someone who didn't value what you had to offer. So keep doing what you need to do to feel good about yourself, and to heal. You'll make it. Best of wishes in the future. I'm trying but I can't seem to be able to feel good about myself, all this guilt is killing me..
GivenUp0083 Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I think you're doing many of the right things, it's just going to take time. What you can change is getting rid of ANYTHING that will remind you of her. I not only BLOCKED my ex's facebook profile (so neither of you can see each other at all), but I also removed all of our mutual friends and I asked my close friends who were friends with her on facebook to remove her as well (and they did, because they care about me). That way there's no way I can see anything regarding her on facebook. My ex was one that contacted me after a full month, but I wish she hadn't. She never wanted anything, she wanted to be FRIENDS with me, as if breaking up wasn't causing enough pain, she wanted to torture me some more. I too had a dream last night (I don't remember dreams very often) but I dreamt that somehow she managed to send me an email on facebook despite me blocking her. I can't remember what it said, because in the dream I was so annoyed that I just responded to it without reading. What I said was: "What part of 'I don't want to be friends' is confusing to you? Don't ever contact me again" I was very hurt after my breakup too for a month, I cried many times weeks after it was said and done and I missed her a lot. Now I'm so disgusted and annoyed with her I almost have no respect left for her and there isn't a sum of money that exists that could convince me to give her another chance. She's dead to me, and I played nice the first couple times she contacted me. If she ever does get the balls to contact me again, I'll let her have it.
radiodarcy Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 i had a nightmare about my ex the other night - - i dreamed that i broke down and looked at his facebook page and saw that he was in a relationship and there were all kinds of gushy messages between him and his new gf posted on his wall definitely one of those dreams that you wake up from and feel thankful that it was just a dream. not to mention it strengthened my resolve to stick to NC for the most part though my ex comes and goes when it comes to my dreams. there are times when he's there and times when he's not. and with the exception of the facebook dream - - very few of them are memorable. it doesn't really bother me either way. it's just a dream.
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 i had a nightmare about my ex the other night - - i dreamed that i broke down and looked at his facebook page and saw that he was in a relationship and there were all kinds of gushy messages between him and his new gf posted on his wall definitely one of those dreams that you wake up from and feel thankful that it was just a dream. not to mention it strengthened my resolve to stick to NC for the most part though my ex comes and goes when it comes to my dreams. there are times when he's there and times when he's not. and with the exception of the facebook dream - - very few of them are memorable. it doesn't really bother me either way. it's just a dream. Your dream is my reality, I almost went insane when I saw her new profile pic with another guy, and couldn't help myself not entering her profile to see the most terrible things I've ever seen, in the pic he's smelling her hair, the photo was part of an album called "sweet day with my handsome", on her wall she wrote "The best day ever! How I love (whoever the **** he is)!!!", He posted on her wall some song from youtube called "I have a girlfriend" and she 'Liked' it, some other creeps (probably his friends or whatever) posted on the pic "is the handsome guy in the pic (whatshisface)?" and she answered "lol yes", other guys wrote crap like "congratulations!" and "you've beaten me!(to get her)" A few days later she switched back to the previous pic she had, but changed her status to "In a Relationship" with that other guy. All this within about 2-3 weeks since she dumped me. I'm telling you this was (and still is) the worst thing that ever happened to me in my entire life. I've never felt so bad. ever.
RuinedLife Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Yes geegirl knows best!! Listen to geegirl! And one day, when you put all those baby steps together, you'll be a happy dancing monkey again! And who knows, put enough of those baby steps in the right order and one day you might even be as smooth a move as this kid!
radiodarcy Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Your dream is my reality, I almost went insane when I saw her new profile pic with another guy, and couldn't help myself not entering her profile to see the most terrible things I've ever seen, in the pic he's smelling her hair, the photo was part of an album called "sweet day with my handsome", on her wall she wrote "The best day ever! How I love (whoever the **** he is)!!!", He posted on her wall some song from youtube called "I have a girlfriend" and she 'Liked' it, some other creeps (probably his friends or whatever) posted on the pic "is the handsome guy in the pic (whatshisface)?" and she answered "lol yes", other guys wrote crap like "congratulations!" and "you've beaten me!(to get her)" A few days later she switched back to the previous pic she had, but changed her status to "In a Relationship" with that other guy. All this within about 2-3 weeks since she dumped me. I'm telling you this was (and still is) the worst thing that ever happened to me in my entire life. I've never felt so bad. ever. oh my. yes, see that's why it's always a good idea to delete/block an ex from facebook. in fact, if you can, stay away from facebook altogether. when my ex dumped me we agreed to be friends. well that lasted as long as i checked his facebook page which apparently he had had up for two months at that time and i just happened to come across it via a friends suggestion. funny he never added me. so, i added him. the minute i did i was sorry i had. lo and behold i see posts of him wishing all kinds of girls happy birthday (mine came and went and i never got a happy birthday from him!). but the real kicker was the flirty exchanges between him and some other woman with him telling her how beautiful and talented she was (something he had never told me). long story short i said something to him (i know i shouldn't have but i did) he got angry told me to move on and well, that's how i wound up here on loveshack. really, nothing good comes from looking at your ex's facebook. all it brings is misery. just follow mine and GivenUp's lead and delete her and her mutual friends. you will feel MUCH better once you do that.
Author LittleMonkey Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 oh my. yes, see that's why it's always a good idea to delete/block an ex from facebook. in fact, if you can, stay away from facebook altogether. when my ex dumped me we agreed to be friends. well that lasted as long as i checked his facebook page which apparently he had had up for two months at that time and i just happened to come across it via a friends suggestion. funny he never added me. so, i added him. the minute i did i was sorry i had. lo and behold i see posts of him wishing all kinds of girls happy birthday (mine came and went and i never got a happy birthday from him!). but the real kicker was the flirty exchanges between him and some other woman with him telling her how beautiful and talented she was (something he had never told me). long story short i said something to him (i know i shouldn't have but i did) he got angry told me to move on and well, that's how i wound up here on loveshack. really, nothing good comes from looking at your ex's facebook. all it brings is misery. just follow mine and GivenUp's lead and delete her and her mutual friends. you will feel MUCH better once you do that. Look, I still miss her like hell, and I don't want deleting her to be misinterpreted as something childish and spiteful. Don't want to give her the power or satisfaction of knowing how she hurt me. I don't check her facebook since then, even before that I didn't I just couldn't help myself seeing her changed profile pic..
stray Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Listen, I know it's hard to hear, but you have to deleter her off your Facebook. You staying friends with her, is like you saying "you can keep me on the back-burner, I'm ok with being #2, or #3, or #4 even. I'll wait until you get bored or lonely enough to care about me". Really, truly, that's the message she's getting. I know it hurts that she's with someone else; I'm sorry. But you will meet someone else too. Except her relationship, is probably a rebound and won't last. And hopefully your next relationship will be legitimate. Ask yourself, why do you miss her? Why do you ACTUALLY miss her? Because of how she acted in the beginning? Because of the "good times" you guys had? You'll have those good times with anyone. Real relationships are based on mutual trust, respect and values. She doesn't share your values, so you need to find someone who does.
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