Eternal Sunshine Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 This happened to a friend of mine. A girl dumps a guy because he is not experienced in bed and tells him so. She claims that everything else is perfect, but he only slept with one girl before and it shows. She actually told him that she needs someone with more sexual experience.. Poor guy
Kaplan Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 These experience threads aren't all real are they? There are so many of them.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 These experience threads aren't all real are they? There are so many of them. This actually happened recently in my group of friends. The guy is shattered. The girl claims she is just being honest.
oaks Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 If the question is "insensitive or honest" then I'll go with "both". I don't think there's ever a good way to tell a guy that he's not up to par in bed, but if he's not delivering what she thinks she needs then she should say so. Hopefully he recognises that there will be people with whom he is more compatible. Hopefully she gave him the chance to learn/improve with a bit of direction about what she wanted rather than just dropping this bombshell on him with no warning, but if she didn't then it's rude as well as insensitive.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 If the question is "insensitive or honest" then I'll go with "both". I don't think there's ever a good way to tell a guy that he's not up to par in bed, but if he's not delivering what she thinks she needs then she should say so. Hopefully he recognises that there will be people with whom he is more compatible. Hopefully she gave him the chance to learn/improve with a bit of direction about what she wanted rather than just dropping this bombshell on him with no warning, but if she didn't then it's rude as well as insensitive. They only had sex twice......
oaks Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 hmm. Well, he should take it for what it is: inexperience. That doesn't mean he's bad in bed, just that he's got a lot to learn.
EasyHeart Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 This happened to a friend of mine. A girl dumps a guy because he is not experienced in bed and tells him so. She claims that everything else is perfect, but he only slept with one girl before and it shows. She actually told him that she needs someone with more sexual experience.. Poor guy They only had sex twice...... I'd go with "stupid". Possibly "rude" or "bitchy", but "stupid" is probably the best description. Sex always gets better as you get to know the other person. And as my first boss told me long ago: "the cure for inexperience is practice".
TooAccepting32 Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Her loss. She's just as responsible for her sexual fulfillment as her partner. I think the part she didn't tell him was that she's just not that into him... or really immature. Surely if he meant a lot to her she could open the lines of communication and create a situation in which they could learn together about what they need to feel satisfied. It's not the sort of thing one needs several partners in order to learn about.
kooki Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I agree with the last poster. Sex can get better with practice, everytime you start a new relationship with someone, it's adapting to that persons needs and that takes some time, patience and adjustment (and sensitive communication). Personally, I would never dump a guy if the sex wasn't good in the beginning. I would give it a chance. I think dumping someone like that is insensitive, immature, and not very compassionate. Sex is about communicating your needs mutually so both partners are happy.
sally4sara Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Well hey; she helped him gather more experience right?
Movingthrough Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I think in the general sense of being honest with yourself to avoid future problems this is good. But some could argure that if she really had the feelings for him that she would guide and teach him. If he has no sexual past then thats why he is the way he is, which isnt really a bad thing.
betterdeal Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Lucky for him he's out of the relationship sooner than later if that's how she handles bumps in the road. I hope that with experience she'll start enjoying growing with her partner instead of giving up so quickly.
oaks Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Her loss. She's just as responsible for her sexual fulfillment as her partner. Maybe, but she took responsibility for stopping something that wasn't sexually fulfilling for her. Maybe she bailed too soon (things can be bad the first few times even with 'experienced' partners), but perhaps she thinks she has some better options and can get her sexual fulfilment elsewhere.
LittleTiger Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 A willingness to learn and a desire to please would be my 'key indicators' with an inexperienced partner. If he showed both of these, then what she did was nasty. If he showed neither of these then what she did was ..... actually still nasty. It's totally unnecessary to kick a guy in the balls like that. Men have a hard enough time as it is. (Just to clarify - I'm a woman!) How would she have felt if he'd said "oh I really like you and everything's going great, but I need a woman who knows what she's doing in bed?" Nasty! We were all inexperienced once and probably most of us are cr*p to start with. With the right teachers, most of us can turn into awesome lovers. Even with a sexually experienced partner she'll still have to teach him what works for her because we're all different. There's no 'one size fits all' (no pun intended) when it comes to sex. To be honest, if everything else in the relationship was good, I think she's a fool for not giving him more of a chance. She'll be sorry if some other woman turns him into a stud - what a missed opportunity!
BetheButterfly Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 This happened to a friend of mine. A girl dumps a guy because he is not experienced in bed and tells him so. She claims that everything else is perfect, but he only slept with one girl before and it shows. She actually told him that she needs someone with more sexual experience.. Poor guy I have to admit, I don't understand this. One thing that blows my mind is how it seems some people do not know how or do not want to connect on a deeper level. Sex without love and without a deeper emotional and/or spiritual connection is just brushing the surface of pleasure. Even if this man had sex with a 1000 women and was a porn star, that doesn't mean that sex with him would be amazing. It just means he'd be an experienced robot who does what he's been taught. Would she prefer that? is having sex with a porn star what she wants? To me, that is not insensitive, but rather very empty and I feel sorry for her. Sure it's good that she's honest, and actually, I think he is better off not having a woman in his life who is just wanting to scratch the surface, and not wiling to develop a deep connection that is worth more than experience with other people. Deep connection is gold. Experience with other people is plastic.
Lorelai Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Inexperience isn't a negative in my book. It means there are fewer bad habits learned from previous sexual relationships -- I have a blank slate to work with, essentially. Also, most of the inexperienced guys I've been with have done a *lot* of reading on technique, hoping to put it into practice someday.
Sanman Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 It is funny how often the term 'honesty' is used to excuse shallowness or a lack of character. People couch these things in terms of being honest to relieve themselves of their guilt and rationalize their bad behavior. Here are a common list of 'truths' one can throw at another person: 'You are bad in bed' 'I am not as attracted to you now that you gained weight' 'I am leaving you because I found someone better' 'I settled for you because you were the best I could do' 'I don't really love you, but am using you for sex or attention' 'I am only with you because you are physically attractive' 'I am dating several other people I like better than you' ' You are really awesome, but not good looking enough for me to date' These are common thoughts people may have that they do not share. Would any of these 'honest' thoughts benefit the other person or will they simply remove guilt from the person thinking it?
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I think that was a wretched thing for her to do. Since she was not interested in him, why not let him down kindly. Sounds like she wanted to feel the power of being able to cause him pain.
threebyfate Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I don't get this need for "skill" in the sack. Sex is one of life's natural pleasures and if someone needs a lot of skill to bring them to orgasm, they need to question why their bodies' don't function properly.
EasyHeart Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I don't get this need for "skill" in the sack. Sex is one of life's natural pleasures and if someone needs a lot of skill to bring them to orgasm, they need to question why their bodies' don't function properly.It's what happens when you separate sex from emotion. Sex becomes a physical act engaged in strictly for sensation, so the ability to stimulate sensation becomes the only parameter for judging the quality of the encounter. It sounds horribly lonely.
threebyfate Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 It's what happens when you separate sex from emotion. Sex becomes a physical act engaged in strictly for sensation, so the ability to stimulate sensation becomes the only parameter for judging the quality of the encounter. It sounds horribly lonely. No doubt strong positive emotions towards sexual partners do greatly enhance the experience. But also, people are spending too much time with their vibrators and masturbating to porn, so they become insensitive to physical sensation, have so much foundational baggage they can't orgasm or are sleeping with people they don't trust enough to relax enough to enjoy the experience. IMO, other people don't "give" you an orgasm. The two of you enjoy pleasure together and your own body orgasms in response.
grkBoy Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 This happened to a friend of mine. A girl dumps a guy because he is not experienced in bed and tells him so. She claims that everything else is perfect, but he only slept with one girl before and it shows. She actually told him that she needs someone with more sexual experience.. Poor guy The question I'd pose to the girl is: "How's that logic working out for you?" I've met several women in my past who were like that. They wanted a guy who made a certain amount of money (when many rejected guys made decent incomes), or she wanted someone with loads of sexual experience (but can't seem to find such a guy who isn't a man-whore). Whenever I encounter one, I simply ask them how that logic is working out for them. It's the hard truth because these very people can claim to death things are great and they have loads of options...but you see the reality in that they're chronically single and can't seem to find a guy who fits her standards AND wants to commit. Usually they meet guys with big incomes and/or sexual experience, but these guys only want fun and sex. The rest will commit, but suddenly they're not "good enough". It's cold and insensitive, but I think your friend who got dumped is better off. I guarantee this girl will be single this time next year, and the only guys she encounters will just want to bang her, nothing more. I'm not saying this as a guy trying to belittle women like her, but stating fact based on my own experiences. It's amusing how many women who hold insane standards are the ones who seemingly never find a solid RL and are single for years on end...lamenting on how there are no "decent guys". Tell your friend to move on...and hopefully he'll meet a girl who isn't that picky on stupid things.
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