sweetblubrry Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 It has been 5 months since we broke up. I have a date tomorrow night and I'm just like meh...... I feel so broken that I can never trust anyone ever again. I'm tired of going through this and it happens with every guy. They pursue me, claim they love me, we date for months and months, and then one day they decide they don't know what they want and leave. All while leaving me in the dust sad and confused. So frustrated with him b/c he's avoiding talking to me about serious things, but yet will still joke around with me and pretend like nothing ever happened (his lies, etc). I hate it! But yet I still miss my ex so much. Even though he does not deserve me at all. I am going to go tomorrow night anyway, but this is depressing me more. Because I miss him that much. It also isn't fair to the new guy. But I don't know what else to do to help myself move on.
LjHappyDays Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Hi, I think from the sounds of this you should go completely NC with your ex. Its hard but it works, the more you keep talking to him the more your gunna be thinkiing about him constantly. Go out and enjoy your date, flirt and be confident, having your ex in the back of your head will only ruin your confidence and the night. Of course you miss him, and the reason you cant stop thinkin abouit him is becos your leaving the door open 'In Case' He comes back, your maybe thinking 'If i dont talk to him, i may loose the chance of getting back with him' you shouldnt think like this, do not speak to him and he will soon come running becos your not there at his beck and call. I have realised this recently.
thelovingkind Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 I recently did the first date out after a break-up. At first I was looking forward to it, feeling good about myself for pulling things together and moving on, then as the meeting time came I became more and more anxious and began dreading it. The date itself was okay - had more of a friendship vibe to it which was for the best. I did feel "off" the whole time, like it was all fake, like it shouldn't be happening - I just wanted to be doing the same thing but with my ex, with the friendly, louche, intimate vibe of a relationship instead of the awkward politeness of a date. It didn't help that we went to the same movie theatre I always went to with my ex and hadn't been to with anyone else. I came home and cried afterwards. Nevertheless, I feel good for having done it. You have to go out there at some point. Just remember, you don't owe anyone anything on or after a first date. First dates are all about gauging where it's at, and this means not just where you're at with your date but where you're at with yourself. The key for me was to get out of the mindset of using the date to try and prove something to myself or others, or to try and give myself a kick in the backside. I felt worst when I told myself "Come on, you can do it, God knows your ex is out there having a good time with new people". Just focus on reading your feelings about it all - too soon? Okay dating but not the right person? etc. Use it as an opportunity to take stock of where you're at, not to push yourself in the "right" direction.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Don't sweat the first date. Just think of it like going on a play date lol. Seriously... like meeting one of your friends you haven't seen in a long time. Try to do something light like bowling, movies, anything that has a fair amount of distraction in it. As far as the ex, sounds like you're still getting over him. Realize the guy you love and miss no longer exists. He got buried in the person he is now. You can miss the past guy, but... it's not going to affect who he is today. I know distracting yourself gets tiring sometimes, but just try to keep him out of your head until your heart and mind do it naturally.
Author sweetblubrry Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 Well I just got my transfer at work... so as of July 1st I will no longer be working with him. So that will help with the no contact. It also kinda makes me sad b/c I wonder if he will forget about me. But I am doing this for myself. Part of the problem was seeing him at work all the time and he would seek me out and talk to me. That makes it so much harder. I still miss him but I guess I can only see what happens from here.
RIO5 Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 If your not completely over your ex then you are wasting your time by going on dates. In fact, your wasting the other person's time as well...which is worse because he may think that you have nothing going on in the background (like you missing your ex!). It seems like your not even going to enjoy the date so why even bother with it? When moving on with your life, its best to proceed with a 'clear mind' but I dont think you are there yet. Maybe you should wait until you flush your ex completely out of your system and THEN get back into the dating scene. I am not the only one who thinks this but if I took some girl out on a date and she was still missing her ex...that would equal to a waste of time. I cant take her seriously if she still have feelings for someone else.
radiodarcy Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Well I just got my transfer at work... so as of July 1st I will no longer be working with him. So that will help with the no contact. It also kinda makes me sad b/c I wonder if he will forget about me. But I am doing this for myself. Part of the problem was seeing him at work all the time and he would seek me out and talk to me. That makes it so much harder. I still miss him but I guess I can only see what happens from here. i actually breathed a sigh of relief for you when i read about the transfer. because this is going to make your healing go much faster and NC so much easier to stick to. this is really the best thing you could have done for yourself and i'm glad you took steps to make it happen.
Author sweetblubrry Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Well the date ended up going well! I had a good time. Don't know how I feel about him or anything. I just feel so numb to anything that has to do with relationships or dating right now. I hate this, it sucks. Yes I know it is good I won't be working with him, but I still have him on facebook. Luckily he doesn't go on it that much, but I can't bring myself to delete him on that. SIGH.
thelovingkind Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I'm happy it went well The feeling will come back with time. Remember, I'm sure that incredible first spark and connection happened with other people before your ex, and it will happen again after too. Even when you are well on the way to full closure and moving on, it can still be hard to convince yourself that you didn't use up all your spark and passion on your ex. The numb, listless feeling of a first date back will not stay forever. Regarding Facebook, the most important thing is to take them off your news feed. It can't guarantee you'll never see their name or face pop up somewhere, but you won't have to see or hear anything about their life.
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