harual21 Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me last Friday. He has a history of leaving me and then returning but on all prior occasions we have only been “seeing each other” and not in a relationship. We’ve been doing this for 3+ years. He asked to see me Wednesday so that we could sit down and talk about things…. He has a lot going on in his life at the moment which requires his focus. His inability to focus too much on our relationship caused a few arguments and hence he has come to the decision that for now he needs to be alone. He told me that he knows he will regret this and ideally would like a few months reprieve to sort himself out and then re-evaluate after I return from Europe (August). He said he really didn’t want to break up but knows that it is the right thing for him for now and does not expect me to wait around as most girls wouldn’t. I told him not to give me false hope as we are already broken up so there is no point in stringing me along for something that will never happen – he said he was unsure what the future would hold but is feeling there is a strong likelihood that we will be back together (he indicated his feelings were 80% back together, 20% not and then said probably even more chance together). I agree with what he is saying. We do need a break as the way things were needed to change and for us to change he first needs to sort out the rest of his life. Now here’s my question….. I have access to his facebook account (something I need to stop, I know!!!) and have seen private messages to two different girls in the past week asking to “catch up over drinks?”. Is this him rebounding? Is he seeking casual solace as he knows that any comfort I provide will then lead to more complicated matters ie relationship? Is he leading me on? Am I being completely naïve in holding on? I know we are broken up, I know that I can go off and do what I want and not be judged, however, it’s hurting that its only been a week and would rather be with these girls than me . Please, please, please help!!!
dangerstranger Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic. I don't think his actions are indicative of rebound behaviour, it sounds more like a guy that wants a break so he can test drive other women. He can have a little fun, then have the option of coming back to you should none of those trysts work out. Everytime you remain openly available to him when he breaks up with you, everytime you take him back, you are letting him know that you accept that kind of treatment. He knows he can get away with this because you always take him back. The fact that he immediately started asking out other women should be a huge red flag to you. I think you have to ask yourself if you want to be with a guy that breaks up with you once a year so he can be free to have sex with other women. I think you should think long and hard about waiting around for someone like this. You have a real opportunity to get him out of your life and start fresh with someone who won't treat you like this guy does.
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