goinbananas Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) she nuts***** guys this is long as heck but id really appreciate advice, i have nowhere else to turn. id like to think its an interesting story so i met a girl at the beginning of april on a site. we texted back and forth every other day until i went out with her at the end of april. she seemed super quiet on the date but we talked for hours after she opened up. it went well, ended with a hug. we continued to text more. she said she was really nervous on the date (the most nervous shes ever been) and she had a really good time and def wants to do it again. she said she found me very attractive. in this time i also learned she had depression, and was living at home going to school part time because of various issues. i also notcied once we became friends on facebook shed been adding a LOT of guys on there that i assume were from the site soon after, she said she had a rough day and we talked on the phone. she seemed upset. she confessed to me that she was seeing another guy too, but she thought that had ended that day (never said why). i told her i was seeing someone as well. she then told me she liked me the most and it scared her how much. i said i really liked her too. for the next days we talked on the phone for hours about all sorts of stuff, some romantic, some not. she mentions im the youngest guy shes ever dated (im 22, shes 19. she claimed she dated a 31 year old manager at her gym for four months...seemed weird, i guess he was a douche to her too). we planned to hang out as soon as i was home from school, and she wanted to watch movies, drink wine, take me out for grad, all this stuff. she was making plans for our third date before we had our second. she also told me she was part time because she almost got killed in a fight with another girl at her school (realllllly shocked me) she texted me saying she was feeling really low, and that only i could make her feel better. this scared me a little but w/e. she also told me she doesnt want me to physically hold back. she began randomly throwing tidbit comments about guys in geeral showing her attention, ie at the gym or whatever. she didnt say she liekd it but they seemed to have no point other than to say it. sure enough, when our second date came around, she flakes and says she has a dr's she forgot about. the next day she flakes too. i called her out on it, and she sounded kinda bratty and mentioned medication to me, family problems, and she really did have an apt and that she didnt know why i was doubting her...i end up driving to see her instead of her taking the train to me as planned. i was stressed about several things and assured her my mood wasnt because of her. we did hang out, she seemed so different and down, and hardly spoke (just like our first date). we ended up having coffee and talked about our feelings. she said she still liked me n all that. we ended the night making out. i had put my arm around her earlier; she didnt seem to like or dislike it. the next day she apologized for being down the night before. we talk for a while and she mentions how it takes a long time to let people in. then sure enough, a week after she said he was gone, she says how the other guy is back. she says she still likes me more, but that hes there. i overreact and get mad and say "dont say that if it isnt true". she assures me it is, and apologizes, and says she didnt mean for it to happen. i say "i dont know if i can believe that". i shouldnt have reacted so strong but i figured it was a total @ss move to lead me on with all this stuff then spring this. we dont talk for a bit, she said is got scared by how close we got so fast, she says she needs to keep things really casual, that she still has feelings for the other guy, that our arguement scared her, that she was afraid that i got so mad and that she just wants to keep dating random guys offline. i stay cool and tell her to date the other guy (i dont compete) and ensure her that casual is all i wanted to begin with. she said the arguement didnt ruin everything but she just needs casual 5 days no contact. she messages me saying she misses me. i dont say i do in return. we talk for an hour. she randomly mentions how some guy she was hooking up with once asked during it if she was doing this with like, 20 other guys (boosting her own worth in my eyes???) based on how shy she was, i would never think shed even be hooking up with anyone. she keeps saying how bored she is and has no friends and is going crazy (yet dates all these guys??/). i say she should come up to the beach with me. she says she will, just doesnt know when. she says she wants to hang out, i say "as friends?" she says no and that she just isnt good at relationship stuff. i have to go and she says shell def talk to me soon. two nights later she asks me to hang out for coffee the next day. i say i can. we agree on 6, and i propose we meet in the middle this time. she says shell get back to me. thats the last i ever heard from her. that was 16 days ago. last saturday i was in her town and left her a vm, she never returned it. i deleted her off facebook yest and got rid of her number. what is her deal?? did she just like the other guy more? shes constantly logged in on the dating site were on so she cant be too exclusive with him. is she nuts? does she display any mental instability signs beyond depression? did i ruin it?? it seemed to be going sour before the fight. is she just really immature? id like to at least hear from her for some closure...she kept saying how honest and straightforward she is, it seems weird shes just gone. is she attention hungry? mad that i didnt chase her when she disappeared? i mean, she blew off her own plans. i obv know that we will not date anymore. how can so much attraction (possinly fake) go down the tubes so easily? i guess what hurts is thati wonder how she could possibly be dating other guys if she seems sooooo unstable with me...she said the other guy is older too....who would put up with this (lying?)?? i owe anyone that read this mess a sixpack. Edited June 16, 2011 by goinbananas
molimo140 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I'm sure you've heard the saying "Girls are insane", but this one realllly sounds like it. She sounds scattered and fickle. In all honesty I'd move on. Red flags to me were the re-introduction of the guy she said she had ended it with, the flaking, being shut down when you guys were hanging out even after saying she's really into you, etc.. That's just way too many red flags, man. It's obvious that this whole situation has been bothering you considerably, you need to step back and ask yourself it's actually worth it.
stillafool Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 She's tied up with another guy. Too many options in her life right now to settle down with one guy. Don't call her again, just move on. She tried to be honest with you that she doesn't want anything that is going to tie her down. If you don't want to compete with other guys move on.
Author goinbananas Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 thanks dude. yeah i agree. i was thinking she might even be bipolar. like, she was a DIFFERENT person our second date than when we talked on the phone 3 days earlier. i figure i should just let it run its course. i will not initiate again (err, well, i cant, i dont have her fb or number anymore). it only really bothers me because i wonder why her and this other guy seem to be working while it got screwed so badly with us. then again, who the hell knows what the truth actually is with her. ehh.....good story if nothing else...
Author goinbananas Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 She's tied up with another guy. Too many options in her life right now to settle down with one guy. Don't call her again, just move on. She tried to be honest with you that she doesn't want anything that is going to tie her down. If you don't want to compete with other guys move on. true that. i just cant believe all the exclusive stuff she was saying to me merely days before. i even asked her whats shes looking for and said i wasnt looking for a relationship when i was 19, and she said thats what she wanted and kinda implyed that it would be me.
stillafool Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 and she said thats what she wanted and kinda implyed that it would be me. She is probably telling everybody the same thing and that's why she has so many guys chasing her around.
Author goinbananas Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 She is probably telling everybody the same thing and that's why she has so many guys chasing her around. yup. women; cant live with em, cant shoo.... on another serious note. yeah, idk i think shes just so insecure and immature that just the idea of guys giving her attention gets her going. oh, should i note, she knew this other guy before she knew me, and had been out with him multiple times before we even went out. ughhh idk i wish she'd just call to be honest, the mystery is killing me. im more interested in her just disappearing rather than dating
Cee Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 She sounds like she has serious issues. I have no idea what they are. I know you want answers, but it's not like she can tell you what's wrong. She's in a cycle of using men to meet her needs and she's deeply unhappy. But she doesn't know exactly how to get better. The fact that she's in treatment and on meds is a positive sign. You saw something normal and wonderful in her. It's her job to reach within herself and bring that out. You can't save her. And if you tried, you'd only be hurting her by trying to control her. I hope what I wrote helps. If you want to somehow do something, I would read up on mental illness and make a donation to a suicide prevention group or something. A lot of people with mental illness try to kill themselves. So if you help to prevent suicide, then you are helping her in a way. Best wishes in your healing process.
Author goinbananas Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 She sounds like she has serious issues. I have no idea what they are. I know you want answers, but it's not like she can tell you what's wrong. She's in a cycle of using men to meet her needs and she's deeply unhappy. But she doesn't know exactly how to get better. The fact that she's in treatment and on meds is a positive sign. You saw something normal and wonderful in her. It's her job to reach within herself and bring that out. You can't save her. And if you tried, you'd only be hurting her by trying to control her. I hope what I wrote helps. If you want to somehow do something, I would read up on mental illness and make a donation to a suicide prevention group or something. A lot of people with mental illness try to kill themselves. So if you help to prevent suicide, then you are helping her in a way. Best wishes in your healing process. i truly appreciate your time to read and respond. i have to stop blaming myself for things not working. its not like shes out having a fantastic, balanced relationship with the other guy even if she is seeing him. as i heal more and stop expecting a wonderful hollywood ending, i realize that she has true issues; many of which ill prob never know. she seems to date compulsively rather than for fun. i could go on and on. half of me thinks ill never hear from her again while the other half thinks shell call any minute. just gotta make the first one more than half
Author goinbananas Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 Bump...what's really killing me is her cold turkey no contact and transformation in merely a months time...wow, I can't believe that was a month ago already....depressing
oaks Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 She's crazy and not too interested about letting you in so that you'll understand it. Run, don't walk.
Andy_K Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 With a flaky emotionally driven girl like this, you'd need to sex her ASAP. She's got so much male attention she's definitely going to be doing somebody, and whoever she's doing most is going to be the one she goes for. From the sounds of it circumstances prevented this possibility for you, so just chalk one more to craziness and move on.
Author goinbananas Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 With a flaky emotionally driven girl like this, you'd need to sex her ASAP. She's got so much male attention she's definitely going to be doing somebody, and whoever she's doing most is going to be the one she goes for. From the sounds of it circumstances prevented this possibility for you, so just chalk one more to craziness and move on. Lol while I would agree I feel like she's a different....caliber of crazy. Plus (and she could be lying) she told me she "practically died" when our legs bumped each other at dinner....with her being so shy I jus don't see her banging around. You def cud be right tho...maybe the other guy(s) have more access to her....im 45 min away and only went out with her twice
Author goinbananas Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Figured id bump this one more for sh*ts
Cee Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 C'mon bananas, you had 2 dates with a woman you barely know over a month ago. You need to move on. And if you are obsessing about this truly, go talk to a counselor. Have a good weekend.
bac Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 anyone else? please? She told you that she had a depression which is a very serious mental disorder. Depression might be a feature of bipolar disorder or borderline personality dosorder. She has many other symptoms from the bipolar d. and Borderline PD. She might help yourself with medications. Also, she is 19, so, it is going to take about 10-20 yrs for her to manage to deal OK with her mental conditions. Perhaps, she is not so sick mentally but she is just a 19 y.o with no common sense because her parents did not put any common sense in her head. It might take about 10 yrs for her to gain some common sense on her own.
Author goinbananas Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Figured id bump this one more for sh*ts C'mon bananas, you had 2 dates with a woman you barely know over a month ago. You need to move on. And if you are obsessing about this truly, go talk to a counselor. Have a good weekend. Hahaha that made me feel better actually. I only start getting down on myself when I think of the "what ifs" and stuff and I start blaming myself again. Even if I hadn't done "this" or "that" she still has these problems and its not like some other guy and her are having some perfect, balanced relationship now (my other fear). She has to bear the burden of her problems, not me. She's the one who has to change and it shouldn't me Have a good weekend yourself!
dispatch3d Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I read about 3, maybe 4 paragraphs. This sort of thing does not appeal to me. Not sure what you are really enjoying about anything you wrote there.
thatone Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 soon after, she said she had a rough day and we talked on the phone. she seemed upset. she confessed to me that she was seeing another guy too, but she thought that had ended that day (never said why). i told her i was seeing someone as well. she then told me she liked me the most and it scared her how much. i said i really liked her too. for the next days we talked on the phone for hours about all sorts of stuff, some romantic, some not. she mentions im the youngest guy shes ever dated (im 22, shes 19. she claimed she dated a 31 year old manager at her gym for four months...seemed weird, i guess he was a douche to her too). we planned to hang out as soon as i was home from school, and she wanted to watch movies, drink wine, take me out for grad, all this stuff. she was making plans for our third date before we had our second. she also told me she was part time because she almost got killed in a fight with another girl at her school (realllllly shocked me) she texted me saying she was feeling really low, and that only i could make her feel better. she is a dime a dozen. there are thousands upon thousands of women like that out there. the fact is the 31 year old gym manager was probably never gone. she was looking for a second man to be whatever he isn't, while she's still screwing him. don't dwell too much on it, you'll find plenty more of those in your mid 20s. as you get more experienced with such types you'll spot them a mile away and use them for what they are. they are effectively cheating on their boyfriends non sexually anyway, so you won't have any problem with advancing things to a sexual point early on when you see that you've stumbled across such a woman. the only thing to take away from all of it is such women are not relationship material, and you should not let them become that.
Author goinbananas Posted June 19, 2011 Author Posted June 19, 2011 Yea man I think its jus a bad combo of immaturity/lack of sense/actual mental problems. As for finding this attractive....it really took me taking a step back and venting this story to realize how totally fu<ked the situation really is, and how I shouldn't care at all. I also realized that prob the only reason she stopped calling is bc I stopped playing her stupid crap games and she realized she couldnt string me along for her every demand. W/e just another crazy late teen... Yeah that very well could be, idk she told me that that relationship had ended in december with that guy but she doesn't seem that honest about anything in her life so yeah. Im sure she's just an attention vvhore who is looking to get it wherever she can, playing games to lure guys To the brink of insanity. I think I did myself a huge favor eliminating myself from the equation. I guess my ego was what really hurt and not losing her, I spent all day with another girl today. I do kinda wish I got with her but then again I truly never had an opportunity at all. Plus I think she might be a lil too crazy to be considered for a sexy freak-in-bed I think she's more like the ill-go-to-cops-and-plea-rape. Thanks for all the support guys and gals Peace
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