My Wifes Affair - How I'm Coping With the Pain.

[dale_gribble]

The thing is Sole that its going to be hard to prove any of this because of the number of people invloved, as well as the WW spouse's given track record. First off, she was a willing participant in her affair wit Rick- that is well known. Then the BW found her husband in sexual relations with Karen in thier own home. Her assault on her(Karen) was justified given the circumstances- WW Karen, is not going to go to the authorities and tell them she was assaulted for ****ing her friends husband... to humiliating. Then by her returning to the "scene of the crime" the story doesn't make sense- her credibility is shot because there is no evidence of rape whatsoever. She's pretty much ****ed now. Not only that, but she's a social pariah. All in all her "story" just doesn't make any sense- she's lying, in my opinion. Headspin- you really got your work cut out for yourself. I'd leave tis woman right now. At least you can say that you don't put up with cheaters and save what little dignity you still have.

[nyrias]

The thing is Sole that its going to be hard to prove any of this because of the number of people invloved, as well as the WW spouse's given track record. First off, she was a willing participant in her affair wit Rick- that is well known. Then the BW found her husband in sexual relations with Karen in thier own home. Her assault on her(Karen) was justified given the circumstances- WW Karen, is not going to go to the authorities and tell them she was assaulted for ****ing her friends husband... to humiliating. Then by her returning to the "scene of the crime" the story doesn't make sense- her credibility is shot because there is no evidence of rape whatsoever. She's pretty much ****ed now. Not only that, but she's a social pariah. All in all her "story" just doesn't make any sense- she's lying, in my opinion. Headspin- you really got your work cut out for yourself. I'd leave tis woman right now. At least you can say that you don't put up with cheaters and save what little dignity you still have.

 

Assault is NEVER justified. If you found your spouse sleeping with someone, and you kill him/her, you will still be guilty of murder .. second degree murder, but still murder.

 

Ditto with other forms of violence.

 

She certainly CAN file charges of assault if she wants to.

[dale_gribble]

Now one is talking about murder here. She got her ass beat becaue she was ****ing he friends husband. I can guarantee you she will not follow-up on this for this humiliating reason, as others who got their ass beat over the same thing. Give me one instance where this has been the case.

[Headspin]

There are a lot of problems here, but I am shocked that everyone so easily glosses over the reported rape. Not sure if everyone considers this a complete fabrication, or maybe just true and just deserts. I would just like to point out that even adulterous wives can be victims of rape and if so, it is every bit as much a crime, and harmful, as the rape of the purest virgin on the planet.

 

And let's not forget that Karen may have been specially targeted by the predator, Steve, based on his knowledge of her extramarital affair. That, along with her heavy drinking and very poor choice of companions, made her more dramatically more vulnerable to attack by him and also provided him safety against accusations.

 

Additionally, Susan criminally assaulted your wife. All in all, to me your story is mostly about your wife being the victim of several felonies. The affair is secondary.

 

Whatever else you do, please ask your wife to visit a rape crisis center for counseling.

 

You aren't the first one to mention rape to me. My family member that I've been talking to said the same thing. I was wondering when someone on this board might mention it. Thanks. I will consider your thoughts.

[Mr.Harris]

Assault is NEVER justified. If you found your spouse sleeping with someone, and you kill him/her, you will still be guilty of murder .. second degree murder, but still murder.

 

Ditto with other forms of violence.

 

She certainly CAN file charges of assault if she wants to.

 

If I came into my home and saw my woman riding another man assault is justified. You can't predict everyone's reactions when coming home looking at something so graphic and traumatic as that.

[Headspin]

Dude, I don't you you, but as a man- If some mother****er talked to me like that he's gonna get an ass beating now matter what- PERIOD! First this guys Rick speaks to you in this manner(without respect); then this other guy Steve chases your wife around the house harrassing her into more sex? Don't take this the wrong way, but you need to do someting about that QUICK. In all actuallity, your wifes story seems a bit off. Why would she be showering in someone elses home anyway? She put herself in this positon in the first place. But, YOU need to man-up, andlet these guys know that they can't **** wit your family, bro. I'm actually gonna beat the living daylighs out of he OM when I run into him. He knows I don't give a **** about landing in jail for a couple of days if h decides to rat me out either, which I know he won't do because as men there's an unspoken code that this kind of thing doesn't get handled by the authorities; it gets handled in a "MANLY"... know what I mean. If you don't stand up for yourself right now, believe you're gonna regret it- BELIEVE IT!

 

I hear you Dale. I want to hurt them bad! I think about it all the time. I have a couple friends that want to help! One thing to consider is one of them is connected with the HA. Do I want to go there? What about my family? There's a lot to think about.

[dale_gribble]

"One thing to consider is one of them is connected with the HA."- When I was younger(I'm 34) I was also aquaintances with some roughnecks myself, and they don't participate in **** like this. They deem it a paersonal issue and your considered a pussy if you need back-up for such matters. If you bring others into he pictes then its on, but if you go it alone, like you should- they stay out of it because these guys believe in the idea of "one-on-one."

[michelangelo]

Long story.

 

Divorce her.

 

I agree, she has sunk too low.

 

Get out and free yourself of this disturbed woman. She is not going to change into the fantasy you hold of what you thought she is.

 

Your wife has no respect for you or for herself.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I hear you Dale. I want to hurt them bad! I think about it all the time. I have a couple friends that want to help! One thing to consider is one of them is connected with the HA. Do I want to go there? What about my family? There's a lot to think about.

 

I can understand your feelings... but they are not the ones who stood before family and God swearing to be faithful to you. They owed you nothing.

 

I am also highly skeptical of the story your wife tells regarding the second guy.

[seibert253]

I can understand your feelings... but they are not the ones who stood before family and God swearing to be faithful to you. They owed you nothing.

 

I am also highly skeptical of the story your wife tells regarding the second guy.

 

^^^^^^

This

[nyrias]

Now one is talking about murder here. She got her ass beat becaue she was ****ing he friends husband. I can guarantee you she will not follow-up on this for this humiliating reason, as others who got their ass beat over the same thing. Give me one instance where this has been the case.

 

Even assault is not justified. There are other resource.

 

May be she does not because it is humiliating. But TWO wrongs does not make one right. Same principle as revenge affairs.

 

Or are you applying a double standard and only think that revenge affairs are wrong but revenge "beat-them-up" is ok?

[SoleMate]

The thing is Sole that its going to be hard to prove any of this because of the number of people invloved, as well as the WW spouse's given track record. First off, she was a willing participant in her affair wit Rick- that is well known. Then the BW found her husband in sexual relations with Karen in thier own home. Her assault on her(Karen) was justified given the circumstances- WW Karen, is not going to go to the authorities and tell them she was assaulted for ****ing her friends husband... to humiliating. Then by her returning to the "scene of the crime" the story doesn't make sense- her credibility is shot because there is no evidence of rape whatsoever. She's pretty much ****ed now. Not only that, but she's a social pariah. All in all her "story" just doesn't make any sense- she's lying, in my opinion.

You're making my point for me. What you just said is the kind of thinking - that if the woman has acted outside the norm sexually in any way, such as an EMA, she is fair game for any predator - that has prevented many women from reporting rapes. Many people feel that "pariah" women, like cheaters, prostitutes and homeless women, deserve whatever violence they receive and it is in fact "justice" for them to be raped (by the husband) and beaten (by the wife). (Loathsome couple by the way .) This thinking also emboldens people like Steve to commit their crimes and the sad fact is that many, perhaps the large majority, will get away with it.

 

I agree that this would most likely be difficult to prosecute. That is why your wife's first visit should be to a rape crisis center. They will assist her in making the decisions and reporting to the police. Willingness to visit a rape crisis center and accept their assistance will also tend to corroborate her story.

 

What would you do if you found your husband/bf having intercourse with an unconscious woman in the garage? Beat her up? Not me. I'd call an ambulance. I hope I would also have strength to call the police.

[SoleMate]

If I came into my home and saw my woman riding another man assault is justified.

Many people are serving time in US prisons and jails because of this attitude. The "enraged spouse" defense to assault just doesn't cut the ice it once did. Police now investigate, DAs now charge, and juries are perfectly willing to convict these days.

[Mr.Harris]

Many people are serving time in US prisons and jails because of this attitude. The "enraged spouse" defense to assault just doesn't cut the ice it once did. Police now investigate, DAs now charge, and juries are perfectly willing to convict these days.

 

Not if one claims self-defense. And the judicial system is internally corrupted.

[Headspin]

You're making my point for me. What you just said is the kind of thinking - that if the woman has acted outside the norm sexually in any way, such as an EMA, she is fair game for any predator - that has prevented many women from reporting rapes. Many people feel that "pariah" women, like cheaters, prostitutes and homeless women, deserve whatever violence they receive and it is in fact "justice" for them to be raped (by the husband) and beaten (by the wife). (Loathsome couple by the way .) This thinking also emboldens people like Steve to commit their crimes and the sad fact is that many, perhaps the large majority, will get away with it.

 

I agree that this would most likely be difficult to prosecute. That is why your wife's first visit should be to a rape crisis center. They will assist her in making the decisions and reporting to the police. Willingness to visit a rape crisis center and accept their assistance will also tend to corroborate her story.

 

What would you do if you found your husband/bf having intercourse with an unconscious woman in the garage? Beat her up? Not me. I'd call an ambulance. I hope I would also have strength to call the police.

 

I better clarify, my wife was not unconscious while having sex with Steve. She was "blind drunk"; like sleep walking. You are conscious but not aware of what you're doing. I have seen her in this state once or twice before. I remember one time, having a late night conversation with her when I realized she wasn't really comprehending what I was saying. But, she was functioning fine.

 

Allowing yourself to get to that point is unacceptable and also very dangerous and risky behavior, given the company she was in. I believe her story, we have discussed it to no end. We've also talked to the other people that were there, trying to piece it together. She doesn't know for sure if they were having sex, she assumes she was because she was undressed from the waist down. She really doesn't know. Her first recollection was being attacked by the wife.

[SoleMate]

Thanks for the clarification. It's clear that your wife was not competent to consent to sex, and that Steve nevertheless performed some sort of sex act on her. That is sexual assault.

 

Agree totally that her behavior was unacceptable in a marriage. (Sounds like you both have serious drinking problems, BTW. I recommend AA for that.) The violent (raping, beating) couple's behavior is unacceptable under the criminal law. That's the point I'm trying to make.

 

Please ask your wife to visit a rape crisis center as soon as she can. I don't know where you're located so I've just included a random website from Maine. But you can Google "rape crisis center" and find one close to you. http://www.sarsonline.org/

[dale_gribble]

"that if the woman has acted outside the norm sexually in any way, such as an EMA, she is fair game for any predator"- First off, I never said that. What I said was that she has a track record of being a bit "hazy" when it comes to her explanation of the situations she finds herself in. Furthermore, you have to prove these accusations(rape). Just because a woman cries rape; it doesn't make it so(see the Duke lacrosse team). You have to prove these things. If this were the case why doesn't she immediately go to the authorities? And don't give me the "I didn't know what to do bit" either.

 

"Many people feel that "pariah" women, like cheaters, prostitutes and homeless women, deserve whatever violence they receive and it is in fact "justice" for them to be raped (by the husband) and beaten (by the wife)."- I never said this either. What I said was that her credibility is shot. Its like a drug addicted fiend turning states evidence- there is no way to corroborate his/her story with true accounts: it just won't hold up.

 

If she was actually raped, I do think she should pursue justice, but it just seems like there are many "holes" in her story. Her own husband has doubts, you think a jury won't have their own doubts.

 

"What would you do if you found your husband/bf having intercourse with an unconscious woman in the garage? Beat her up? Not me."- This is HER version of the story. You would have to ask the friend herself, how she saw it go down. Remember there are always two sides to a story, with the truth being right smack in the middle.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Thanks for the clarification. It's clear that your wife was not competent to consent to sex, and that Steve nevertheless performed some sort of sex act on her. That is sexual assault.

Agree totally that her behavior was unacceptable in a marriage. (Sounds like you both have serious drinking problems, BTW. I recommend AA for that.) The violent (raping, beating) couple's behavior is unacceptable under the criminal law. That's the point I'm trying to make.

Please ask your wife to visit a rape crisis center as soon as she can. I don't know where you're located so I've just included a random website from Maine. But you can Google "rape crisis center" and find one close to you. http://www.sarsonline.org/

 

Personally, I simply do not believe her story. I doubt she was that drunk. It was most likely sex with full and mutual consent. Otherwise the OM would probably reacted differently.

 

Besides... how could you ask a judge or jury to take a woman like that seriously? I would struggle to believe her if she claimed the sky to be blue. It's the inherent problem with being a liar.

[jnj express]

Hey headspin---1st as to your daughter---she needs to go into a long term program in house, where she is treated 24/7 for as long as it takes to get her sober---then she CANNOT come back to her old digs---she would just start all over again---she has to go somewhere where the people who caused her to spin out of control are completely and permanently OUT OF HER LIFE

 

As to you and your wife---where were you while your wife was gone for days here and there, drunk and screwing other men

 

You didn't know you were disconnected maybe, but what H., lets his wife stay out night after night, get drunk night after night---where were you while all this was going down

 

Forget you had your revenge A., that is another sad story all to itself---you both threw your morales out the window

 

So with all your talking, what have you both decided to do about any future problems---what are you doing about fixing your wife's problem, of just going off and being with other men, instead of trying to work out marital issues with you??????

[Headspin]

Hey headspin---1st as to your daughter---she needs to go into a long term program in house, where she is treated 24/7 for as long as it takes to get her sober---then she CANNOT come back to her old digs---she would just start all over again---she has to go somewhere where the people who caused her to spin out of control are completely and permanently OUT OF HER LIFE

 

As to you and your wife---where were you while your wife was gone for days here and there, drunk and screwing other men

 

You didn't know you were disconnected maybe, but what H., lets his wife stay out night after night, get drunk night after night---where were you while all this was going down

 

Forget you had your revenge A., that is another sad story all to itself---you both threw your morales out the window

 

So with all your talking, what have you both decided to do about any future problems---what are you doing about fixing your wife's problem, of just going off and being with other men, instead of trying to work out marital issues with you??????

 

As far as my daughter is concerned - in exactly one hour from now we are meeting with her team of psychiatrists, social workers, and doctors to admit her to an adolescent treatment center. She has some mental disorders that my wife and ex-wife and myself have been doing EVERYTHING we possibly can to help her. Her problems have absolutely nothing to do with her home life. She has no idea that there are, or ever has been, any problem with my relationship with my current wife or ex-wife. One thing we all agree on is putting the kids 1st and showing them unconditional love. I held her last night as she cried in my arms. I told her how much I love her. She wants to get the help she needs and to break the cycle of self destruction.

 

Secondly, my wife wasn't gone for "days" screwing other men. There were only a handful of times (and they were recent) that she didn't come home. Also, it was one guy that she had an affair with. It was prearranged that she was staying at a "friends" house for various reasons (i.e. Superbowl party or whatever). She truly did go to these things because I saw pictures. It was after the party when she would meet the OM. I believed she was staying at her girlfriends house. How or why would I suspect anything at the time? As far as I knew she would never have done that. She did have friends there. I met them all and new where they lived. Looking back now, I wish I would have tracked it better. But, WTF am I supposed to do about it now? In ten years together she never strayed. We did everything together and I know there was no opportunity to cheat and nor did she want to. It was only the last few months when her doubt and fear (that we were falling apart as a couple) came between us. A very convenient opportunity was presented to her by a very persistent guy on the rebound. It was too easy to get away with and she let it happen. She is full of remorse and is doing everything to win me back. She's quit her old soccer teams (that was a given). She doesn't meet with any of the girls from the team any more and of course has no connection with the OM. She has disclosed everything. She answers all my questions. We are going to counseling and we quit drinking too. At least we can admit our problems and have the courage to face them head-on.

 

Thanks for your concern.

Edited June 20, 2011 by Headspin

[jnj express]

Hey---good luck with your daughter---lets hope she does well with her program, and afterward you find a place for her to recover

 

I understand you got caught unaware---that is the problem---you knew your wife---yet you didn't know this woman that she became

 

Besides, the dropping of soccer, and alcohol, and the alcohol is a complete must, as to being stopped---it fueled everything that went wrong----what boundaries are being put in place

 

I am sure you are not gonna just trust her unconditionally, so what have the 2 of you come up with to prevent this from actually happening again---I say this cuz, mge., is hard, and it is full of problems, and what will the 2 of you do in dealing with future problems

[Richard Friedman]

Dude, I don't you you, but as a man- If some mother****er talked to me like that he's gonna get an ass beating now matter what- PERIOD! First this guys Rick speaks to you in this manner(without respect); then this other guy Steve chases your wife around the house harrassing her into more sex? Don't take this the wrong way, but you need to do someting about that QUICK. In all actuallity, your wifes story seems a bit off. Why would she be showering in someone elses home anyway? She put herself in this positon in the first place. But, YOU need to man-up, andlet these guys know that they can't **** wit your family, bro. I'm actually gonna beat the living daylighs out of he OM when I run into him. He knows I don't give a **** about landing in jail for a couple of days if h decides to rat me out either, which I know he won't do because as men there's an unspoken code that this kind of thing doesn't get handled by the authorities; it gets handled in a "MANLY"... know what I mean. If you don't stand up for yourself right now, believe you're gonna regret it- BELIEVE IT!

 

Great idea. Get a felony assault on your record and ruin your employment prospects just so you feel you "got one back." Won't change the fact that your whore wife willing took loads to the face from this guy. He owes you nothing. Work on improving yourself and moving on.

[StoneCold]

Good Christ what a mess....

 

Lets rewind a bit...what do you mean that "inhibitions were lost" on your honeymoon?...did something happen with her and another guy?

 

It's hard for me to say for certain because I was not involved but.... you sure you want to stay with this girl? because it reads like everywhere she goes she goes looking for cock. Its not the cheating that stands out with me as much as it seems like shes just too damn reckless. This woman is a walking disaster that is going to cost you one day.

 

...and people in as much as it is possible... you really dont buy the rape thing do you??? This girl wasnt raped she was just a willing participant in drunken sex with another drunk person that she likely initiated (IMHO)....She clearly loves cock, has a fight with Rick (her sex fix), then goes looking for whos left at the party...and then she just "awoke" to steve banging her??? lol I tell ya I dont buy it...its possible.... she could have been roofied but all the events leading up to this point elsewhere...especially when you take into account that she continuosly lies even when cornered only to come clean when you come back with new information but only on the issue at hand...leaving more lies on the table.

 

Bet my last dollar she didnt just "awake" to anything.

 

 

Dawg..... Your little girl needs her daddy BADLY...collect your daughter and bounce...

Edited June 20, 2011 by StoneCold

[jnj express]

Hey stone cold---the reason he had bad feelings at his wedding was that she was already getting it on, with rick, even as she was taking wedding vows

 

I agree with you completely, as to the whole black eye night escapade, being a very large lie-----she was allegedly passed out drunk, or sleeping somewhere in the house, and all of a sudden she wakes up IN THE GARAGE, getting screwed---i don't care how blind drunk she was, she would have woken up, and she sure would have known if someone was having sex with her----she is just leading her H., on a merry goose chase

 

This woman Karen, she doesn't seem to have much in the way of moral boundaries, she drinks to excess, she stays away overnight before and after games----she is only 30 min. from home---why was she not coming home

 

I am sorry, but her H., just let way toooo much get away from him

 

Question is now what is gonna happen---she is still gonna play soccer, but on a woman's team, is he gonna demand she comes directly home, after those games---I WOULD SURE HOPE SO---cuz coed or women only, members from amateur sporting teams of all kinds tend to party, the thing is most of them are single so what they do doesn't matter---Karen is married, SOOOO---she needs to just play her game, and come directly home, cuz these parties will still be crawling with men looking to have sex with the women at the party---if that doesn't happen---this whole thing is gonna start all over again, the minute she is unhappy about something, or if things get boring for her, as they probably did just recently!!!!!!!

 

Oh Well---I wish him luck

[OldOnTheInside]

If there is one thing that I have learnt at my age...

 

Life is too short to tolerate sh*t.

 

That doesn't mean that you have to divorce or stay with her, or act like an overly agressive idiot, it just means that you should have enough respect for yourself to not lie back and take what she is giving you.

Edited June 21, 2011 by OldOnTheInside