usa Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Here's my story and I want to be honest, hence the title. I'm from Florida, as is my ex. We are both in our 20's and were together for a year. We were very happy together and got engaged. She was/is such a great women. I always did my best to look after her and she was the first one to admit, even after the break up, that I made her the happiest she has ever been. (which I know sounds crazy given the title of this thread!) However, a few months into the relationship, I started becoming controlling and emotionally abusive. I didn't see or realise I was doing it at the time, but after we had been seperated for a month, I saw what I had done. Examples of my behavier are as follows... I would get moody and difficult with her if she wanted to see her friends. I would accuse her of being attracted to other guys for no reason. I would sulk and withdraw my affection if I was angry with her. You get the picture! I will say that would honestly have never got violent with her, ever. I just don't have that in me. Anyway, a few months ago she left me. Of course I begged and pleaded for her to re consider(I know, that's what abusers do!) but she didn't want me back. She said she wanted to, but she just couldn't trust me. Once I reconised what I had done, I tried to get some councelling for my own sake, but after a few sessions the councellor told me that I had made great progress by myself and to only come back if I felt I needed to in the future. So I spoke to my ex recently about this, but she still couldn't bring herself to trust me. She won't talk to me anymore, which I understand. Why should she! But that leads me to now.... I don't deserve anyones sympathy, I know that. But I am still a person and I am heartbroken beyond belief. A few months ago I had a fiancé whom I loved more then anything in the world and now she won't even talk to me. I understand why and I know I can never get her back. But it dosnt make it any easier to deal with. She dosnt hold any bad feeling towards me. The last time we spoke, she said she knew that I really did love her and I always did my very best to look after her the best I knew how. I know she didn't want to leave me but she felt she had to. But more then anything, I feel so so guilty for what I put her through. All the times she cried because of me and all the times I hurt her feelings make me feel so distraught sometimes. I was supposed to be the man looking after her and protecting her. And I failed. I let her down. And i'm going to have to carry that weight on my shoulders for the rest of my life. I wish more then anything that I could change what I did and how I was, but I can't. I'd love nothing more then to make it up to her because I think the world of her. But I know I will never get the chance. All I can hope is that she finds a man that will look after her properly, because she deserves it more then anyone. I know I'm going to get a hard time from you all. And I know I derserve it. I'm just writing all this because iv lost my fiancé and I'm having to face up to the fact i was abusive and I don't know where else to turn. Thanks for Reading
nikkinicole36 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Yes you realize you are an abuser. So now that you realize it, there is no need for me or anyone else to bash you over the head about it. Honestly I think you should get back into counseling. I'm a domestic violence counselor, and while you aren't a physical abuser, you are not by any means close to being cured after a few sessions. This might be part of the reason why she has such a hard time believing you. I've seen way too many men tell clients of mine that they are better after a few sessions and crying only to get back into the relationship and be just as abusive. I'm not saying that is the case with you, but the statistics don't lie. I think for now you have to give her room and space to make this decision on her own. The last thing she needs right now is addtional pressure, which you are seriously putting on her wether you realize it or not. Focus for now on yourself and what is the root of your obvious anger.
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