sally4sara Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 One of our friends is having a tough time since he and his wife headed down the divorce war path. I believe he was used for citizenship. Anyway, he has been single for about a year now and began dating about 4 months ago. He is educated, funny, attractive, open minded and for those of you who think it takes money and height to attract women, he even has those bases covered. All in all, someone I would point a female friend towards if I had a single one I thought he would be even remotely interested in. He gets good responses when he is out and socializing. On his dating profile, women he messages will respond. But when it comes to the first date planning - damned if the ladies can not be flaky and inconsiderate! They will talk and what not, make plans, but when date day comes "something" always comes up and they can't make it. "Oh I'm sick." "Oh I forgot about (fill in blank)". "Oh my sister's best friend's aunt died and I have to help her bake a cake". I realize I haven't been in the dating scene for years now but WHAT?!? This has been happening too often for all these excuses to be true. And initially he would be all "its okay maybe next week yeah?" More chatting or phone talk. A new first date plan will be made and then the same chick will have another "Oh I forgot about" reason for why she can't keep those plans either. And then the next week the same till he moves on to meeting someone else. Rinse repeat with a new lady. He is getting to the point where its one strike and you're out. Talking to other guy friends about his problem only reveals that this is just par for the course for men when dating. Ladies? What's with the inconsideration to other people you make plans with? If you don't really want to date them, why keep making plans? Just because you got a vagoo doesn't mean you should be rude like this.
tigressA Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I agree, it's total crap. I think many women don't know how to be assertive enough to say no/back out of something without appearing flaky, or they are afraid to be assertive because assertive = bitchy in their eyes. It's like they'd rather have a reputation as a flake than be more forthcoming and say "No thanks, I'm not interested". It's sad.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 One of our friends is having a tough time since he and his wife headed down the divorce war path. I believe he was used for citizenship. Anyway, he has been single for about a year now and began dating about 4 months ago. He is educated, funny, attractive, open minded and for those of you who think it takes money and height to attract women, he even has those bases covered. All in all, someone I would point a female friend towards if I had a single one I thought he would be even remotely interested in. He gets good responses when he is out and socializing. On his dating profile, women he messages will respond. But when it comes to the first date planning - damned if the ladies can not be flaky and inconsiderate! They will talk and what not, make plans, but when date day comes "something" always comes up and they can't make it. "Oh I'm sick." "Oh I forgot about (fill in blank)". "Oh my sister's best friend's aunt died and I have to help her bake a cake". I realize I haven't been in the dating scene for years now but WHAT?!? This has been happening too often for all these excuses to be true. And initially he would be all "its okay maybe next week yeah?" More chatting or phone talk. A new first date plan will be made and then the same chick will have another "Oh I forgot about" reason for why she can't keep those plans either. And then the next week the same till he moves on to meeting someone else. Rinse repeat with a new lady. He is getting to the point where its one strike and you're out. Talking to other guy friends about his problem only reveals that this is just par for the course for men when dating. Ladies? What's with the inconsideration to other people you make plans with? If you don't really want to date them, why keep making plans? Just because you got a vagoo doesn't mean you should be rude like this. These women have no intention of ever meeting with your buddy and are just using him for attention/validation. Unfortunately, online dating sites are full of this type of women. My solution to this problem is to appear interested but never actually ask the woman out first. If the interest is mutual, she will at some point suggest the meet herself.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Women do not speak a language in which the word "No" exists. They never say no to your face or ever. They either make excuses and flake out, or they just straight up tell you they like you and ignore you for the rest of their life until the guy "gets the hint". That's just the way it is man. Which is exactly why I just do what I want, act like I don't care, and sometimes be a little bit of a jerk around women....they'll do the chasing. I've put my work in and it's got me nothing but frustration and heartache. I'm done making an effort.
sumdude Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 It's the online dating conundrum. It's like they're window shopping.
Woggle Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Some women just want the validation to know they are attractive and when they get that they move on. It's why many guys just start to treat women like they don't care.
oaks Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Talking to other guy friends about his problem only reveals that this is just par for the course for men when dating. Ladies? What's with the inconsideration to other people you make plans with? If you don't really want to date them, why keep making plans? Just because you got a vagoo doesn't mean you should be rude like this. I had a few of these last minute cancellations for unlikely reasons... ate something bad at lunch, suddenly have to go on a business trip tomorrow so need an early night, babysitter cancelled, have to leave the country (two girls). When they then disappear rather than rescheduling, or keep talking but are continually unable to reschedule, it seems likely that the excuse was a fiction and they just didn't want to go on the date. Yes, it's rude. Oh, one of the girls who left the country did go on a date with me when she got back. Then she pulled the same stunt... and I got bored really fast.
Mrlonelyone Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 What you described is the original reason "gay" which bused to mean happy now means homosexual male. Women are taught that such behavior is lady like.
laRubiaBonita Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 hopefully he has just been Lucky! and none of these loser chicks worked out..... he is certainly playing the odds and i bet all will be well when he least expects it!!
stepka Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Is there an age difference between this man and the women he's trying to date? I never pulled that, even when I got to the meeting place and saw that the guy had gained 150 lbs. since his last pic was made.
Author sally4sara Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 Is there an age difference between this man and the women he's trying to date? I never pulled that, even when I got to the meeting place and saw that the guy had gained 150 lbs. since his last pic was made. Yeah, I've gone home early sighting no chemistry, but never out right cancelled or continued to make someone make plans with me while I never keep those plans. Thats awful; they could have made plans with someone else! He only mentioned one that was of any significant age difference (younger than him) and she messaged him first and kept plans with him. She just wanted to screw and kinda do the every so often lets hook up deal. At least she was honest about that. But he said it was pretty obvious any deeper connection was not desired by her and they didn't have much in common other than being horny.
Author sally4sara Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 What you described is the original reason "gay" which bused to mean happy now means homosexual male. Women are taught that such behavior is lady like. Not really true. I certainly was not taught that this is lady like behavior. But then I didn't have daddy around to tell me what a pretty princess I was. My husband's take on it was that men act like they're a dime a dozen so women have come to think of them as dime a dozen. I mean consider - he had nothing in common with the one that messaged him first, she stated interest in only a hook up situation reliant on nothing tangible - whenever she wanted not whenever he wanted - and he slept with her anyway. Kind of a dime a dozen move IMO, but I get that it had been a while for him.
Author sally4sara Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 There are no good or bad dating habits but this one is annoying. I would give them one chance to respond and set something up. After they are a no show I would cut contact. This is not a strategy to get her more interested. She can't follow through. There is no point in proceeding. If she tries to get in touch afterward then I would ignore it. There is nothing one could say to improve a poor situation. In the best case, she'll try to turn it around on you and you'll put your foot in your mouth or concede the point since you were taught not to beat up on women physically or verbally. This I feel is the counterpart to the dime a dozen treatment. The old saying about the hero may die in battle but the coward dies many deaths before their day. When a man uses intimidation to get the result he wants out of women, he forces them into the coward's shoes because the size/strength favors him and they know it. Women get hateful toward men when they've had to die a few coward's deaths this way. And there is no nobility in it for the man; its not sporting to pit a lightweight fighter against a heavyweight so I don't know how they feel good about it when it gets them their way. Its certainly not heroic. Perhaps this seemingly common inconsideration is born of that sauce?
Author sally4sara Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 That's feminine thinking. "If I get more picky then I'll be of higher value. If I act like I am more special, unique, and highly prized then I will be." Men don't think that way. Men are geared toward "I will take all opportunities as they present themselves" more often than not. It is in a man's biological nature to pursue all women he wants while it is in a woman's biological best interest to be quite selective. So you're calling her a man? She wasn't being very selective since they'd only talked twice before the date where in they ended up in bed together. And it also sounds like you're calling my husband a woman. He wasn't telling his friend he should have held off and not had sex with the girl, just that the common man's sex drive has him accepting anything rather than what he considers the best in the pool and this comes off like having no standards to their target audience - women. Maybe your boxes don't fit everyone?
Author sally4sara Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 There will always be looser women. It doesn't change anything. When a man decides to marry or cohabitate with a woman his thinking becomes more feminine. Women don't have much of an issue with that except they do get jealous of the other girls as if they are competing with them even when they aren't. A man with standards like a woman will have a very hard time on the dating market. It will be worse than that of a woman. Have you ever checked out a reference book to learn more about a subject only to find it is full of stuff you've already seen proven to be horse crap? I'm getting that feeling now. Good day sir.
irc333 Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Yeah, there was this local woman I was talking to...she was interested in takling to me on the phone. I asked for her number and she gave me this, "I beleive a man should hand over his number to me" So I gave her my #, and asked when she planned on calling. She never responded, and never did call me.
daphne Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 It's not crappy dating habits. It's the way women are. They are naturally flakey, and will cancel plans without hesitation, even though it shows poor manners and is inconsiderate. I have girl friends who crap out all of the time on plans, and we're not dating. I just had it happen this week, and she waited til the night before, when I couldn't change my plans, to let me know. I'm not sure why, but for some reason a large percentage of women don't feel the obligation to stick to their commitments and leave everyone else in the lurch. It is what it is.
Mrlonelyone Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 It's not crappy dating habits. It's the way women are. They are naturally flakey, and will cancel plans without hesitation, even though it shows poor manners and is inconsiderate. I have girl friends who crap out all of the time on plans, and we're not dating. I just had it happen this week, and she waited til the night before, when I couldn't change my plans, to let me know. I'm not sure why, but for some reason a large percentage of women don't feel the obligation to stick to their commitments and leave everyone else in the lurch. It is what it is. It's cultural. Males are drilled from age 7 onward about their responsibility to other people. "A mans word is his bond." Women receive no such training( except in the case of their children). Feminist write much about male privilege without considering male obligations.
thatone Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Not really true. I certainly was not taught that this is lady like behavior. But then I didn't have daddy around to tell me what a pretty princess I was. he didn't say it was taught by men.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Talking to other guy friends about his problem only reveals that this is just par for the course for men when dating. Ladies? What's with the inconsideration to other people you make plans with? If you don't really want to date them, why keep making plans? Just because you got a vagoo doesn't mean you should be rude like this. Honestly, when I was dating it often felt like the women were simply dizzied by the options of online dating. The ones that didn't multi-date were always better and smarter about evaluating guys. I see both men and women who multi-date really struggle to get beyond the most shallow points. I can't say for sure how it is dating men, but with women often times the rejection criteria is borderline obtuse. My friend who is 5'6" does very well with women in person. Online he just gets piles of rejection. Why? Because women who would love him to death in person and have miles of chemistry... reject him offhand because he doesn't fit a height requirement. Anyway... this is just my guess. Either way... Neither sex really cares to be nice to the other anymore.
Mrlonelyone Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 @UT Online it's even worse. Those women don't "reject" him personally online. They don't look at the profile. On most sites height can be set up as a filter. Any men who fall below a certain height are simply invisible.
EasyHeart Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 @UT Online it's even worse. Those women don't "reject" him personally online. They don't look at the profile. On most sites height can be set up as a filter. Any men who fall below a certain height are simply invisible.Very true. Same goes for age, build, hair color, ethnicity, etc. It sometimes seem like women are shopping for an accessory, rather than looking for a boyfriend.
oaks Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Very true. Same goes for age, build, hair color, ethnicity, etc. It sometimes seem like women are shopping for an accessory, rather than looking for a boyfriend. Nothing wrong with having a preference, and when there's an easy way to look at just the handbags in your favourite colour/style then why not take advantage of it? It's not just women. I don't usually message really short women, because I have a preference for those who are taller.
oaks Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 It's not crappy dating habits. It's the way women are. They are naturally flakey, and will cancel plans without hesitation, even though it shows poor manners and is inconsiderate. Daphne, thanks for confirming what some of us have suspected for years.
EasyHeart Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Nothing wrong with having a preference, and when there's an easy way to look at just the handbags in your favourite colour/style then why not take advantage of it? It's not just women. I don't usually message really short women, because I have a preference for those who are taller.Oh, there's nothing wrong with having preferences -- we all do. As with most things, it's a matter of degree. I've noticed more and more women with a "shopping list" mentality who create a ridiculous number of "dealbreakers" that eliminate pretty much everyone from their dating pool: "I'd never date anyone who isn't a really good downhill skier", "I'd never date anyone who didn't work in financial services", "I'd never date anyone who has hair on their chest", "I'd never date anyone more than 3 years older than me", "I'd never date anyone who didn't graduate from a Top Ten school", "I'd never date anyone who doesn't like pasta", etc. It gets quite silly.
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