Kristie16 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Tomorrow will mark 11 weeks since he broke up with me. I started NC two days after the break up and haven't talked to him since — blocked/deleted him on facebook, his phone number and gchat. I have to be honest, though, I thought HE would have reached out to me by now. I just completed my short term job and am freelancing while doing some traveling this summer, which means I have more time on my hands and more time to think about everything. I feel like I'm no better off than I was immediately after the break up. I broke up with him first and although it was for the best, I missed him. We tried to work things out and got back together but a month later he broke up with me in a mean way. When I broke up with him, I said some things I regret. Not because they weren't true but because I never wanted to hurt him. But when he asked if he was making me a better person, I was honest and said no. Our relationship and its dysfunction had made me become a jealous, paranoid, depressed, angry person. It wasn't healthy. But I know all he heard was that he wasn't making me a better person. When we got back together I tried to explain all that to him, but we never truly talked it out. Now I regret that. I feel like I never got to explain my thinking and now he probably thinks I just hate him since i blocked him on everything (And I did that because I couldn't take the constant "my life is so great" FB updates and photos with new girls every few days after he broke up with me). I admit, some days I do think I hate him, or more accurately, I hate how BOTH of us let things happen the way they did. But deep down, I know I could never hate him. I still care about him deeply, but we just aren't good together. But I fear that he is forever going to think I hate him and don't think he's good enough for me. It's not that I don't think he's good enough, I just don't think we're compatible long term. But as realistic and analytical as I am about that, I am also emotional and miss him like crazy at times. I just thought I'd be a lot further along in the healing by this point.
RuinedLife Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Its ok we all heal at different rates and you are not alone! Its been over 5 months since my break up and I still feel the heartbreak of my break up as if it just happened yesterday:( It is total agony and I can never shake that feeling that my ex may still love me and want me back. Sounds like your relationship had a lot of problems though and if you were making each other so unhappy with jealousy and anger issues then maybe it is for the best. My insecurities ruined my relationship and I hate myself for it everyday. I know I have to try and move on but its a struggle. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone! We're all here to help support each other through our heartache in anyway we can. And there is no time limit on how long the healing process takes it seems, is different for different people and different situations. I wish after a few days we could all just snap out of it and get on with our lives but sometimes the love we have for our ex is carved deeply into our hearts and it can take a long time to heal such deep wounds.
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