My ex(who I dumped) is now seeing someone else it's making me want her back

[Cheem]

Hi

I posted in the break up section but got no replies. Would appreciate some opinions and advice.

I broke up with my ex gf (we were together years) and we are both in new r/s now. I really didn't ever entertain the idea that I would ever want to get back with her. We are being friends now and I was not even so sure about that. Wanted a clean break. To live my life ... or so I thought.

I think my current gf is a rebound though at first she had all the qualities my ex lacked. I recently saw my ex, we met up for a drink and I felt jealous when she told me she was seeing someone. Even though I have been seeing my new gf for far longer. Basicaly I still fancy her.

What is going through my head. How can my feelings change so much or did I just never really get over her? Was I too rash in breaking off with her or has this extra time between us just rekindled what may always be? Thanks for reading LSs.

[Hopeless_1116]

Hi

I posted in the break up section but got no replies. Would appreciate some opinions and advice.

I broke up with my ex gf (we were together years) and we are both in new r/s now. I really didn't ever entertain the idea that I would ever want to get back with her. We are being friends now and I was not even so sure about that. Wanted a clean break. To live my life ... or so I thought.

I think my current gf is a rebound though at first she had all the qualities my ex lacked. I recently saw my ex, we met up for a drink and I felt jealous when she told me she was seeing someone. Even though I have been seeing my new gf for far longer. Basicaly I still fancy her.

What is going through my head. How can my feelings change so much or did I just never really get over her? Was I too rash in breaking off with her or has this extra time between us just rekindled what may always be? Thanks for reading LSs.

 

What were the reasons for your break up in the first place? I think it's normal to feel uncomfortable with the idea of your ex being with someone else, even if you are just friends. After all, at one point you were presumably in love with this person and shared a life together. If you still find your ex physically attractive, this could be the root of the matter. You state clearly in your post that your new girlfriend has the qualities you believe your ex was lacking but that you wanted in a partner. I have no idea what the qualities your referring to are, but chances are your ex is still the same person - we are who we are! If these all-important qualities were enough to be dealbreakers the first time around, the two of you will inevitably break up again.

 

It's possible you jumped into a rebound relationship to try to get over your ex, but seeing her brought about some genuine feelings that you had been surpressing. Are they enough to sustain a relationship the second time around? I don't know - only you can answer that. Time heals wounds and we tend to forget the bad. I'd carefully assess the relationship as a whole before making any decisions on how to proceed. You may very well still love your ex and want to try to rekindle things or this may be nothing more than a passing feeling of self doubt brought on by the fact that she's isn't waiting in the wings pining over you anymore.

[Cheem]

Thanks - it may just be a passing phase but my feeling are all - consuming at the moment and I can't devore my time to me current gf.

My new gf is quieter and actually more 'needy'. My ex wasn't needy at all, she gave me space, we shared mutual friends and interests but also had our own friends and interests and she was confident in herself. I responded to her attitude by feeling like she didn't care, but deep down I knew she did and she showed she did. I am now with someone who feels they need to control what I do in as she's so insecure. At first I craved that type of attention as I never had it from my ex now realise how suited me and my ex were.

But...I have gone from finding my ex quite annoying actually (for a few months) and just feeling obliged to keep in contact to 'heeeellloo!' in a mere few days.

We broke up because we were arguing too much about everything and neither of us had been happy for the last year of our r/s.

Now I think my change of heart may have come too late.

[gallop30]

don't talk to her. not now at least

[pd8mxq]

I dont agree with some of the things here. A person can change because we all grow and breakups make us learn to become a better partner. Well, unless that person is stupid. I am talking about mature sensible persons here. So if yr ex is a mature, I am sure she learned from the past and she will apply the things she learned e.g. try and communicate more between her and her new bf....this is what you two were lacking which leads to arguments.

 

All relationship, especially you two have been for years, hit rough patches and these are normal. No relationship is perfect and r u telling me every time u enter a relationship and ended up arguing few years down the line, you will breakup and move on? So how is htis possible.

 

What I am syaing is that, time passed and you two healed. You two did only 20% (apparently) of breakup couples can do...by staying friends.

 

Most people do not stay friends but if u two managed to be in touch, there's a bond. Given your long term relationship, you two are each other's best friend.

 

If you really still have feelings for her and love her dearly, let her know of your feelings. She might not feel the same about you anymore. But if she does, I believe you should give it a try.

 

But like Hopeless mentioned above, only if you know what your true feeling is, it could be just a passing thought, that jealousy.....give it a week or two to see if you still feel the same/ analyse your feeling. Just ask yourself, is it because you really love yr ex and you miss her and this is why you are upset? or is it jealousy. If its jealousy, I think you should not disturb and dont tell her that. YOu have to vbe fair to your ex, you dumped her, she probably got so upset and took her a while in moving on and evetually found this new guy. So if you are jealous and want to ruin the party, I wouldnt think that's fair to her.

 

If you truly love her, I will find the right moment to tell her that. You two built up so much (as in many long relationships) just not to give it another try.

 

People do change and you might find her a newer gf. Again, relationships hi rock at some stage and you cannot just give up everytime it hit the rock.

 

Good luck.