The opportunity we've been waiting for so why the BUT?

[scaredandalone1223]

My husband got some very exciting news yesterday. He has a job opportunity in Colorado! We currently live in the south which we both hate! We have lived here all our lives and have always been in agreement we don't want to live here forever and do not want this to be the only home our children ever know. We are both about as nonsouthern as you can get as far as our perspectives on most social issues. We are surrounded by bigots, racists and hypocrites and it drives us insane. I am a stong Christian but we don't attend church because the values they teach and values they practice are two TOTALLY different things. My husband is not a Christian but has more morals and family values than 90% of the ones I do know. Since Obama was elected the culture in our area has increased dramatically. It's hard to teach your kids that everyone is created equal and not to judge others based on race, religion or sexuality when all their peers and other parents do exactly the opposite. For that reason we want to move our kids to an area where, although there is this mentality everywhere, it will hopefully not be as prevalent and easily accepted. My husband has traveled various places with his job and Colorado is by far his favorite. The job wouldn't neccesarily be a move up, more of a lateral move although he would get a cost of living bump. He would go from being a plant manager to a QA manager. Most of his work history is QA and he would actually be managing more people and a more prestigious plant in his current company.

 

Now for the BUT! My grandparents raised me as my dad had to travel a lot with his job and my mom was well a POS! I am very close with my dad but he wanted me to have a stable two parent home growing up and my grandparents very much provided that. My grandfather is not my dad's dad but he treated me better than I could ever imagine a blood relative treating me. The problem is my grandparents health has rapidly declined in the past few years. My grandfather has dymensia and my grandmother has congestive heart failure and COPD. My dad is also disabled and due to diabetes is almost completely blind. I had a great job which I left in May 2010 so I could be on hand whenever they needed me. I still live over an hour away but I am able to help. My grandparents still live alone and basically the two of them make one. I do have a brother who lives with my dad and he helps out as much as possible. Leaving my family is the ONLY drawback.

 

I'm worried that my grandparents may not live another 5 years....some days I worry they may not make it 1. I know they would want my husband and I to follow our dreams but I know it would be extremely difficult on them. My grandad has another biological daughter who lives in CA so she isn't around to help either.

 

If my husband turns this down we will have other opportunities to move but it more than likely won't be to a CO and that is where we really want to go long term. If we move and I get a job we could easily afford a place there and our home here until it sells. I know the job market is tight but his company offers spouse employee assistance as part of their relo package and I have a great resume so I feel optimistic about finding employment. I'm a SAHM now only because of wanting to help out my family so going back to work is not going to be a let down to me. As a matter of fact I prefer working!

 

I'm not sure what my question here is...guess I just needed to vent a little. The thought of the move is so exciting and there is ONLY one drawback but man oh man what a BIG drawback it is.

[scaredandalone1223]

Yes, unfortunately it's the guilt. Plus they would never let me pay to have someone help them. They are way too stubborn! Up until now that stubbornness has been their best asset and biggest hindrance all rolled into one.

 

They are not extremely wealthy but have saved well so they could afford someone to help them out but even the mention of having someone stop by once a week to vacuum and dust was met with STRONG disagreement.

 

I think my biggest fear is part of what keeps them motivated is they still feel they need to look out for me. In their eyes even though I'm in my 30's with 2 kids I'm still their baby. This, at times, is extremely irritating but I know they have good intentions. I'm worried our move would speed up their health decline and I also feel that when one of them passes the other will not be far behind because they are both kind of living for the other. My grandad with be 87 in August, my grandmother just turned 77.

 

If we had have made this move 10 years ago when their health was good I wouldn't have thought twice. I hate to have to look at it this way but if I'm being realistic I know their time here is limited and I'm terrified of moving and only getting to see them a few more times. My oldest son is also extremely attached to them and with all the positives this move presents him with I know leaving them will be equally as difficult on him. My oldest has always been extremely mature for his age. Since I was a working mom from the time he was 3 until he was almost 13 he spent almost all school holidays with them and much of the summer. Since they are an hour away he would usually go for a week at the time, sometimes 2 or 3 weeks only coming home for the weekend. I used to send him down for them to take care of him....he goes now to help take care of them. My youngest has maybe spent the night with them a total of 5 times...maybe. He has always been more hyper than our oldest and he also had a steady daycare since I was a working mom so there was no added expense or trying to find someone to keep him just during school breaks, etc. My youngest loves them dearly but doesn't have nearly the same attachment.

[jmsclayton]

Hi

 

I used to work for seniors in their home and the concern they had always was with having control over their situation. If you can let them find a way to have control over the situation -I am sure they would like to have the help so you could move. is that possible. ?

 

 

Thoughts?

 

Judith