BlindLead Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I've been seeing this man for nearly 8 months now... I don't know where I stand with him. I love him and have a great time with him, but I'm starting to feel as if he doesn't care about how I feel about ANYTHING. In the last 8 months I have had a few issues with things, and have discussed them with him fully, he ALWAYS is patient and apologises. He acts as if he's so understanding. It's great, except nothing changes. I'm really concerned right now. He has this friend who is a drug dealer. The guy is having a going away party this weekend, the drugs will be flowing, as well as the liquor. I REALLY don't want him there for many different reasons. I've told him how I feel and he said he understood. This was a week ago, last night he told me he was going out with the boys this coming Sat. night, I was thinking perfect, wouldn't mind the night to myself. He then tells me that after they see the show, he's going to that party. I immediately get upset and he starts to laugh at me. I said once again that I really didn't like it and he just continues to laugh and tries to hug me. It's bad enough that obviously you're going to go, but seriously?? Laugh in my face too? I have put up with a fair amount thus far, I don't know if I'm overreacting but I'm really not comfortable with this. He KNOWS how I feel about it. I didn't yell, I don't care if he goes out with the boys, I never put restrictions on him, but this is too much, I don't want him going to a coke party. Should I try talking to him again, leave it alone and wait? End it? I do love him and the idea of breaking up with him kills me, but I don't want to be involved with someone who does this kind of thing. Or doesn't give a hoot about how I feel regarding it.
vsmini Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Should I try talking to him again, leave it alone and wait? End it? I do love him and the idea of breaking up with him kills me, but I don't want to be involved with someone who does this kind of thing. Or doesn't give a hoot about how I feel regarding it. Well there is your answer. He's going to do those kinds of things and doesn't give a hoot about how you feel about it. You've already talked to him about it. You can A) talk again....and waste your time..what would change his mind this time? B) Wait around and show him you have nothing better to do or be with C) High tail it out of there because deep down you know he's not changing.
Woggle Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 As long he isn't cheating or using himself what is the problem? I have been at parties where there were long lines of coke on the coffee table and I only tried once out of curiosity. Drugs and liquor are a part of life and unless you plan on living a very boring life you will be around it. He should have never told you he wouldn't do it though.
vsmini Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 As long he isn't cheating or using himself what is the problem? I have been at parties where there were long lines of coke on the coffee table and I only tried once out of curiosity. Drugs and liquor are a part of life and unless you plan on living a very boring life you will be around it. He should have never told you he wouldn't do it though. Yea - I agree - but if she doesn't like it and he's not listening or changing (and nobody says he has to) - time to leave.
SingVoice Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Drugs are a part of life? Hmm...not my life...or any of my friends. I can't believe he laughed at you. That doesn't sound like a reaction from someone who takes you seriously. I'm so sorry...but you know...you even said you had "put up with a lot." Why would you continue to if he isn't willing to compromise as well?
vsmini Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Drugs are a part of life? Hmm...not my life...or any of my friends. QUOTE] Ha - yea I agree with this as well. Drugs don't have to be a part of your life if you don't want them to be. You aren't missig out on much.
Woggle Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 So you have no friends who smoke or addicted to coffee or pop pills or any of that. Not a single one of them is addicted to any kind of substance. Even if you are talking about illegal drugs even if your friends don't do them if you go out or go to a concert or whatever somebody there is doing them.
Author BlindLead Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 Thanks for the replies. I have a choice now. Put up with it, or leave and leaving is the one I'm edging towards. Drugs don't have to be a part of your life. They will always be there somewhere, yes but you can choose how close they get. He DOES do coke on very rare occasions, though I'm starting to see it more often all of a sudden and I don't want it around me. As far as him not having to change, absolutely not, unless of course he wants to keep me, which he says he does. So, coke, coke parties, or his girlfriend. Since he won't quit that, guess I'm going to have to quit him. Thanks again for the input.
dangerstranger Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Thanks for the replies. I have a choice now. Put up with it, or leave and leaving is the one I'm edging towards. Drugs don't have to be a part of your life. They will always be there somewhere, yes but you can choose how close they get. He DOES do coke on very rare occasions, though I'm starting to see it more often all of a sudden and I don't want it around me. As far as him not having to change, absolutely not, unless of course he wants to keep me, which he says he does. So, coke, coke parties, or his girlfriend. Since he won't quit that, guess I'm going to have to quit him. Thanks again for the input. Don't ever expect to change someone because you'll always get let down. Putting your foot down and giving ultimatums isn't the way to go about it... You'll simply become the nagging girlfriend when you try and hold someone back from doing what they really want to do. You've told him you don't like it, he doesn't care, he's going anyway. Ball's in your court. You can't control him, and you can't change him (in the same way he can't control or change you). He's obviously proven he's going to do drugs when he feels like it. You are anti-drug use.... This relationship sinply won't work unless one of you gives in. Do you see this happening? If you're not willing to compromise and he's not willing to stop, this just isn't an ideal situation for either of you.
Author BlindLead Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 You are right have already compromised enough,I'm done, the deeds already done. Just for clarification, I didn't have that big of an issue of his once in a blue moon use. I had serious problems with him going to an all weekend coke party. I have serious issues with the idea of getting a phonecall from either the hospital telling me he's overdosed or the police station... This was also not a point in which I ever figured I would have to argue or think about anyway since according to him he did it about twice a year. Twice a year has turned into every weekend and now parties. It's done however, I don't have to worry about any of it anymore.
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