molimo140 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I was a virgin until I was 21. My girlfriend (22) was a virgin when I started dating her. It's nothing to be ashamed of, though as others have said your attitude towards sex is a little baffling. Oral is still sex.. it's the same level of intimacy in my mind.
Author Irina Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 Well my first boyfriend i was with for a year, and he knew i was a virgin off the bat but i was only 16, and definitely not ready and i think he knew that, because we were in love and he was a bit older than me, and happily waited but we just didnt work out because he had to move to england. It was never really an issue with him The other guy was only a 6 month thing, but he was pretty full on and it FELT serious at least, and he didnt know i was a virgin but we were about to have sex and i told him to be gentle because i was a virgin, and he was upset that i didnt tell him. We broke up a day later, ouch lol And the last guy wasnt really a serious relationship on hindsight, particularly as he was fairly abusive...but it wasnt a case of him trying to have sex and me shooting him down, i told him i was ready but i think for him, having been with so man women and having lost his at 14, he couldn't deal with it I dont know why i have odd views on sex :s i think honestly i AM a little scared that ill pick the wrong guy and be coping with that emotional loss the morning after as well as the baggage sex brings As for oral sex i think i just couldnt help myself, and being raised a 'good irish catholic' it didnt seem as scarily damning as full sex. I agree that it probably IS more intimate...i mean their/my FACE is down there Mobster comment made me laugh btw. Dont worry, i have no ideas about myself being an innocent angel! I probably also did it because i felt i had to help the guys out in SOME way because i was worried about full sex. A bit daft in hindsight, though i do remember feeling immense pressure from the guy the first time i did it I think maybe i psyched myself out of sex because 2 of the men i was with turned out to be less than charming, shall we say. You've all really helped though, made me think. Maybe i should stay away from dating for a while and sort my views on sex out. Jeez, i am an odd creature come to think of it, doing everything but. The thing is, i remember feeling cheap after oral too!! Im still recovering from my last relationship, and im seeing a counsellor for that so maybe she can help too. I think for the next decent, kind guy i meet, im going to just make sure im ready and safe etc, and when we get to the stage that i would normally do oral etc and tell him im a virgin, ill just stop and give it a go. I mean, i can always ask him to stop. And tell him to be gentle! Maybe ill stop seeing it as a big scary leap then, because you're right...oral IS intimate, and i did that WAY too soon with guys out of fear that i wasnt satisfying them I hope a nice guy comes along soon! And cheers guys, this helped!
Gisele Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I dont know why i have odd views on sex :s i think honestly i AM a little scared that ill pick the wrong guy and be coping with that emotional loss the morning after as well as the baggage sex brings As for oral sex i think i just couldnt help myself, and being raised a 'good irish catholic' it didnt seem as scarily damning as full sex. I probably also did it because i felt i had to help the guys out in SOME way because i was worried about full sex. A bit daft in hindsight, though i do remember feeling immense pressure from the guy the first time i did it Hun, i think you felt rushed into anything sexual, especially since all your boyfriends seem to be older than you, and that's why you're reluctant to go all the way If you'd felt comfortable with these guys, you wouldn't have felt 'cheap' after oral. I put a lot of pressure on myself to please men sometimes too, but you shouldnt worry too much about it You're probably just a bit scared of sex because you've been going for the wrong guys, or a good guy at too young an age (16) and you felt pressured No woman will feel like sex will be pleasurable or special if she feels that subconscious pressure, from the guy or society for being 'an old virgin' Just take a step back from it all and wait before getting back into dating. You're only 19. And the virgin thing doesnt even matter, it's your attitude, which i think is understandable given your past experiences, that needs fixed. I honestly think that's all you need to do. When the right guy comes along, as everyone said, he won't mind that you're a virgin one bit, and you won't feel apprehensive about sleeping with him I think sheer women's intuition stopped you giving it up to the last guy! YOU ARE NOT A FREAK. You'll be fine honey
Mike B. Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 It's not your virginity that's scaring men away buy the fact that you were involved in 3 serious relationships (in your own words), yet are still a virgin. You say you need to be "comfortable" and "safe" (whatever that means) with a guy to have sex with him...so why would you be in a serious relationship with someone who you don't feel comfortable and safe with??? Men have an expectation that a woman would put out within a reasonable time frame. If there is no sex, what's the point of being in a relationship? I wouldn't call you a freak, but your attitude towards sex is definitely unusual. Contrary to what Bill Clinton would have you believe, oral sex is still sex. And if you are willing to do anything but penetration, it just confuses men. Mr. advent of the victorian era a.k.a, the fact guy is giving sex advice now? Dude, you have almost 200 posts here in one month. I am sure that all of the sex loving women are not crowding around at the computer. At that rate, how can one even hope to see an actual vagina?
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