JR2315 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Well this is the whole story if youre interested: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t282375/ Long story short, im just so mad because we were in a great relationship and we promised that we'll always be together and solve our problems. Then out of nowhere after having a little argument she tells me that she doesnt feel like she can be in a relationship as we both have a lot of growing up to do. To make things worse she told me that she loves me more than anything in this world and that she doesnt want to lose me (yet she is breaking up with me? wtf???). Its so hard to move on because I honestly believe that two people can grow together individually while being in a relationship. But its been strictly NC for 2 weeks now and im in my Anger phase! I feel so betrayed! How can you love someone so much and just give up on the thought of growing together with each other? I mean she was the type of girl that always told me that she would never leave me and if we were to break up it would be me doing the dumping. Now im typing here confused and sooo pissed off! How am i suppose to deal with this??
PegNosePete Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 When words and actions don't match up, one of them is lying. The actions speak for themselves.
Author JR2315 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 My situation is kind of confusing because I got really close to her family to the point where im considered as one of their own. When she was breaking it off to me too she was already insisting on being friends and how sorry she was. I know this girl will contact me to ask how im doing. but seeing as how confused and pissed I am right now I feel will just explode on her. I really dont ever see us being friends with each other ever. But I know its unhealthy to be keeping grudges but on the other hand NC is what im suppose to be doing.... SO what do i do??
PegNosePete Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I really dont ever see us being friends with each other ever. But I know its unhealthy to be keeping grudges but on the other hand NC is what im suppose to be doing.... SO what do i do?? Being friends with someone in your situation is impossible so you are right to not even try. NC has nothing to do with holding a grudge. NC is simply not communicating. You can forgive her (IN TIME) without even talking to her. She doesn't even need to know you've forgiven her. Letting go of your anger and frustration does not involve her at all; it's a personal thing that you do for yourself. So, on with the NC... not because you hold a grudge or want to "punish" her... but because you want to heal.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I wrote a letter to my ex's parents saying goodbye. Sometimes breaking up involves breaking up with the whole family. It sucks... but then again it wasn't your decision. So I'd say my goodbyes and take time for yourself to heal. Seriously don't talk to her... don't beg, don't plead, don't update her because it'll drain you.
radiodarcy Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 just continue to stick to NC. i am three months into NC and the anger stage comes and goes. it's frustrating because i want to move on from the anger to indifference. but i have noticed that lately, it's a different kind of anger -- it's more focused and less of a "how could he do this to me!" kind of anger. i think this kind of anger is different because i'm starting to zero in exactly why i'm so angry at him (and myself as well). in a way it's a healthier kind of anger because it's helping me take him off his pedestal and learn where i need to focus on myself as well. but again, i'm hoping that over time that anger will dissipate. i don't ever expect us to be friends again - - nor do i really want to be; i just want to get to the point where i don't hate him anymore.
Kilty Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 She could be testing you - wanting more of a committment or the like. The best advice ever is no matter what she says or does is to keep your emotions in check. If you rant out at her or explode you will do irreparable damage. Keep your self respect and dignity and take a deep breath. If there is nobody else involved - which im sorry to say could be the problem - then there is a chance you get back together. But lashing out and being emotional will kill that Strict no contact and let her make the next move and remember to keep your cool when and if she does. If she doesnt then she not worth it
4NewRoad Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Hello, I am sorry you are going through this, but I gotta give it to you, with all and all, you're 2 weeks into NC and that's huge! Carry on! I agree 100% with the post about actions and words not matching means one of the two things is a lie. I am on the 1 month NC mark, and mine ended similarly. Fab. relationship with the family, he said he loved me, yet, he called it quits. As you did, I asked myself, How can someone love you and not want to be with you? And so what it boils down to, I think is "they are not all that into us". You ask what to do. Well, you know exactly 'cause you've been doing it. Sit on that NC and even if it takes you months to stop being angry, trust yourself on this THIS STORM TOO WILL PASS. If it is any consolation, I am going to guess she's also not doing so great. Why I say that? Because if she has any kind, loving or caring feelings for you (and I suppose she does), she's probably going through her own personal exploration as to "Why don't I want to continue to be with him". She might come out recognizing she wants to, or she might stay put on the goodbye, but in any case, YOUR job is to take care of YOURSELF. Don't think about whether she'll return or not, whether what she did makes sense or not, whether you need to "close that circle". All that has no meaning at the end. Stay calm, breathe, exercise, use this forum to vent out, but keep the NC. That's my $0.02. Be strong.
Author JR2315 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 Thx guys but as much as I want to continue NC for as long as possible. I am sure we will see each other when school starts again this fall. Im not entirely sure what to do, I mean i could just easily ignore her but I still do care for her and I dont want her to think that I hate her...
Author JR2315 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 Well I have some thoughts and this is either 2 step backs from my healing process or an epiphany. Ok well after getting to know this girl we actually went through alot. At one point we were convinced that she was pregnant and instead of being scared we actually came up with a plan of how to possibly take care of the baby. She also offered to pay for one of my courses which I flunked because she felt that she had caused me to lose focus. She would get mad noticing any bruises I got from work and refused me to ignore them. I could just be relapsing, but I know this girl loves me! Just before she ended things she always insisted that It was because she thought I would be happier in the long run. Maybe she's taking the time to mature as a person but she doesnt want me to wait for her because she knows its unfair. But I know that she wont change her mind no matter how much I convince her. would NC still be the best method in this case???? Please I need help im sooooooooooo confused!
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