california15 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Most of you know I got the nasty gram out of the blue, which was hurtful. So our mutual friend came over to get the rest of my Ex's stuff, so I wouldn't have to see him in person. Friend: "(Ex's name) says thanks and that he knows how painful a broken heart is and wishes you well in life" Me: "Highly doubt it - he needs to cut that sh** out & stop emailing me too" Friend: *shrugs* "He told me to tell you that." weeeeellll then that night I get another email from the ex that says "Spoke to (mutual friend name). I never emailed you after the break up til now. Me and (new 2 week gf name) had a housewarming party the other night and you kno how I am with leaving my email up - maybe someone sent you an email then, but whatever it said, I didn't send you anything" So this is either 1) an attempt to save face that he was nasty and didn't get a reaction out of me 2) legitly true (because he does have a bad habit of leaving his email up on his computer and walking away only to come back later) and maybe his new gf did it either way, I don't want any more emails. Today just kinda sucks though, maybe because its cloudy. I just wanna cuddle today - its a lazy day inside day and I'll admit that I miss him. Still in denial a little bit that he's gone forever. Don't want to acknowledge yet that my best friend of 10 years doesn't want me and doesn't want me in his life anymore. almost 3 weeks NC.
love4me2c Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Rarely do these types of relationships where one jumps from one relationship to another last , if that gives you any consolation. I did have a situation where my ex's gf sent me a nasty gram using his account. It is highly possible that is what occurred. Every time you think of him or think of him and her, repeat 3 times "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter." I know it sounds cheesy but by repeating these things you are training your subconscience to not think about it. It really does work!!! I was a basketcase for several weeks, but then I found that I was not really thinking about him much and I know repeating those words really helped. Keep your head up, it will get better.
geegirl Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Most likely, his ego was bruised that he did not get the response he was looking for and tried to save face by denying. In any case, why have you not blocked him from your email?
Author california15 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) I had no problem with blocking him on FB right away no second thoughts, but maybe I left my email up because subconsciously I wanted an "i miss you email" sometime down the road, leaving an outlet for contact incase he ever really needed me... I'm not going to email block him yet - maybe just label it junk mail so it goes into a folder and i don't have to deal with it, and won't know if any messages are from him since I get junk mail daily. Baby steps to healing and I'm not quite there yet. ah i don't know. it all sounds silly and stupid as i type it out. wtf. It probably going to take another nasty gram for me to actually do something about my email probably, just because that's how I am, even though I wish I wasn't in this whole situation though, I thought the urge to write him back would be stronger and I'd be dying to respond... but in reality its not that bad and Im not anxious over not replying.... and I'm glad for that. Edited June 16, 2011 by california15
TearyEyedPride Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Hey Cali, The whole nasty-gram thing... pffft. A justification isn't even needed really so really he doesn't need to give you one. Sorry that today is sucky for you. I feel like cuddling too, but I have a stuffed toy, and comfy bed... a day off and cable. So hopefully we'll make it through. We're pulling for you k?
geegirl Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I left my email up because subconsciously I wanted an "i miss you email" sometime down the road, leaving an outlet for contact incase he ever really needed me... I'm not going to email block him yet - maybe just label it junk mail so it goes into a folder and i don't have to deal with it, and won't know if any messages are from him since I get junk mail daily. Baby steps to healing and I'm not quite there yet. ah i don't know. it all sounds silly and stupid as i type it out. wtf. It probably going to take another nasty gram for me to actually do something about my email probably, just because that's how I am, even though I wish I wasn't in this whole situation though, I thought the urge to write him back would be stronger and I'd be dying to respond... but in reality its not that bad and Im not anxious over not replying.... and I'm glad for that. It's a process Cali. If you're not ready, you're not ready. It is baby steps and the fact that you are not inclined to respond to call him out on his immaturity, is a good thing. Stay NC on your part. If mutual friends talk about him, refrain from commenting or just tell them you're rather not go there. Do whatever you can to detach yourself from him and the situation. If he does send another nasty gram, I hope that gives you the push you need.
Author california15 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 hey teary - wondering how things were going for you. Following your threads on coping. Seems like you're doing okay... and that even though it feels like it, our worlds are not over:). Find anything good on cable? On days like this I immerse myself in LS and it helps. Geegirl - i always appreciate your responses. I remember your story and was wondering how long after you saw what happened did you think about him with her? Knowing my ex is physically, sexually, and emotionally with someone else still wrecks havoc on my imagination, and its the biggest stumbling block I have at the moment (well for the last few days anyways). This one is going to be here for a while I think. I think you're a strong person
geegirl Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Geegirl - i always appreciate your responses. I remember your story and was wondering how long after you saw what happened did you think about him with her? Knowing my ex is physically, sexually, and emotionally with someone else still wrecks havoc on my imagination, and its the biggest stumbling block I have at the moment (well for the last few days anyways). This one is going to be here for a while I think. I think you're a strong person It took me a few months. Visuals followed me everywhere. For the longest time I was replaying her on his lap and the look on his face when he saw me. It was cold and dead inside. And then seeing their heads bopping in the car and both of them getting out of the car and happily walking into his home and the door, slamming shut. Ugh. I struggled for months. I can't remember exactly when, but a few weeks back I saw a woman that looked like her at the grocery store and I just said to myself, 'oh, she looks like her. Chips Ahoy or Famous Amos?" It didn't even phase me. And suddenly I had this overwhelming feeling relief that it wasn't bothering me anymore. I was progressing. It will happen for you. It's been 6 months since I saw that. With space and time, as you detach yourself from him, it will fade as your mind starts to slowly replace those thoughts. He won't always be at the forefront. You'll see, in time he will slowly and gradually fall back. But you must make a conscious effort to control your thoughts and imagination. The moment you start thinking, snap yourself out of it and focus on other things. It's almost like retraining your brain and your thought patterns. If you start thinking one thought of him, you will feed it and it will grow like a weed. Snip the weed. Kill it with thoughts of you, work, plans, read a book, pick up an intense hobby, take a class, find an activity, workout, etc. You have to reprogram. You have to replace the void that is your ex with something else. When I used to think about him, the moment the thought started, I would yell in my head "STOP" and rationalize how unproductive and destructive it was to me and push myself to focus on other things. You must discipline your brain. If you let it run rampant, it will pull you down.
Kilty Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 In my opinion the excuse for the email is complete hokum. He sent it, probably drunk or something and is now trying to cover his embarrassment. It doesnt matter anymore though and good on you for keeping to NC.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Hey cali. Girl... I'm trying to "cope" lol. It's a constant struggle though. Today I almost broke, had the phone in my hand about ready to dial his digits and then I just stopped myself. I convinced myself that if he really cared... he would contact me, so since he doesn't... he hasn't, and that's how it is. Hurts... and pisses me off. But yeah... that's what i'm coping with nowadays.
RuinedLife Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Hey cali. Girl... I'm trying to "cope" lol. It's a constant struggle though. Today I almost broke, had the phone in my hand about ready to dial his digits and then I just stopped myself. I convinced myself that if he really cared... he would contact me, so since he doesn't... he hasn't, and that's how it is. Hurts... and pisses me off. But yeah... that's what i'm coping with nowadays. Yes I can relate to this horrible feeling Knowing that if your ex cared they would contact you and when they don't.... well they just don't care anymore And that feeling of rejection is intensified all over again. Thats why I'm so terrified to check my emails these days because I'm pretty certain my ex wont have sent me anything and yet I still feel absolutely horrible when its confirmed. Horrible when it all comes back to me and I remember that I wasn't good enough for him, that he doesn't love me, and that he doesn't want me in his life and that he's long since moved on and forgotten all about me
TearyEyedPride Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Don't bash yourself Ruined. You seem really nice and sweet, but heartbroken, just like the rest of us. Don't bash yourself, our exes simply weren't man/woman enough to withstand the love we had to offer, or they didn't value it the same way. You're fine, you just need to heal like the rest of us.
Recommended Posts