Chitowngirl Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I've been on 5 dates with this guy, 2 sleep over dates, no intercourse. We met on Match.com...my membership expired 5 days ago, and he's still logging in every 24 hours (yes I am checking on him to see if he's still logging in or magically takes his profile down...) How much longer should I wait to ask if he wants to be exclusive or not? I feel he should know by now if he wants to be exclusive or not... right?
oaks Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Have you had a "what are you looking for?" or a "where is this going?" conversation? Does he even want a relationship?
Author Chitowngirl Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 Have you had a "what are you looking for?" or a "where is this going?" conversation? Does he even want a relationship? Via emails on Match.com we talked about that, and he said he is looking for a serious relationship with marriage potential.
vsmini Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Via emails on Match.com we talked about that, and he said he is looking for a serious relationship with marriage potential. Ok - well that's ruled out. Now the next step is to ask him are you ready to get serious and/or exclusive with me?
oaks Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Ok, then I'll suggest that it's soon enough to talk about it if that's what you want. What will you do if he only says "let's keep dating for a bit longer and see how things go"? Good luck!
BornBlonde Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Actions speak louder than words...if he keeps his profile up, he's still shopping. If I were you, I wouldn't ask him anything. If you like the guy, continue to be your beautiful self, don't ask about being exclusive, and keep your options open...
Eeyore79 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I learned the hard way that you can never assume anything when it comes to dating. Just because a guy asks you out, that doesn't mean he's single, or that he wants a relationship. Just because he wants a relationship, that doesn't mean he wants one with you. Just because you dated for a certain amount of time, that doesn't mean you're exclusive, or that you're even boyfriend and girlfriend. Everything has to be discussed and confirmed before you take it for granted. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect exclusivity after five dates, especially since you've had sleepovers. I would certainly expect (in fact I would require) exclusivity and STD tests before sex takes place. If you want to be exclusive, you need to discuss it with him - and make sure you're both on the same page regarding what "exclusive" means! To me it means "not having any kind of intimate contact with anyone else, not dating anyone else, boyfriend and girlfriend in a relationship with the potential for long term commitment". Other people often don't seem to share this definition - some guys think it's ok to date other girls as long as they don't have sex, while others think it means we're exclusive dating/sexual partners but aren't in a relationship.
stepka Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 You don't know why he's logging in. Remember Match shows you as logged in at a minimum of 1 hour even if you only stop by for 1 minute. Reading his email remotely also logs him in. So he's not necessarily looking. He could be checking on you. Yeah I think I saw his post about this on another thread. JK! But seriously, if you know he's logging in, then you are also logging in, right? Here's the bad thing though--just because a man says that he's looking for a real relationship, does not mean that he's necessarily looking for one with you--there are lots of men who are looking for relationships but are perfectly willing to take time out of the search for a FWB, so make sure you get it all clarified. Yeah, I had man tell me, on the 5th date, that I was not "the one" but that he sure would like to get me into the sack. He also chose that time to tell me that he was looking for not only a relationship that leads to marriage but also he wanted children. This from a 50 yo man who'd never been married. Obviously he wasn't going to be marrying women his own age, though he had put women up to his own age in his profile.
Intergalactic Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 it takes one date or it takes an infinite amount of dates. seriously, there is no set amount of dates. if you want to be exclusive, and you're ready now, you talk to him to see if you are both on the same page. if yes, awesome! if not, you have a choice to stay and wait or leave and find someone else. it's really simple. but if you don't talk to him, you won't know. also...with the profile. this is going to sound so offensive but you need to stop creeping on what he's doing online. if the only reason you're getting on is to check up on him, that's not cool
Ouroboros Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 As many dates as it takes for him to lay a hand on you.
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