Damia Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Is an age gap important in a relationship? Bloke 48 ,girl 29 any success ? any failures?
Eeyore79 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 It might work in the short term, but I don't think a relationship with such a large age gap has great long term potential. It's fine now while you're 29 and 48, but in a few years time you'll be 60 and heading towards retirement while she'll be a relatively young woman of 40, and might end up being widowed in her 50s. Also you have to consider that a woman of that age is likely to want children, and you might be past that stage in life. Do you really want to be raising teenagers in your 60s? The other consideration is how well you get on as a couple given the generation gap. Do you have significantly different tastes in music, cinema, etc? Do you have much in common, or is your connection mostly physical? Is there opposition to the relationship from either person's family? I'm not saying it can't work, because I personally know a couple with a similar age gap who had two children and are still together aged 65 and 85 respectively. But I think their relationship is the exception rather than the rule.
Author Damia Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 Welllll Im asking for all the wrong reasons the bloke is my H and the girl is his A partner. we've been separated 8 mths I don't want him back just morbid curiosity about how long his relationship may or may not last. my bad:o
Eeyore79 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 It will probably last until the girl's biological clock starts ticking loudly and she realizes he isn't interested in marriage and kids... or until she meets a man of her own age whom she finds equally attractive... or until your ex starts to lose his looks and she begins to compare him unfavorably to men of her own age. Relationships with such a large age gap rarely last, though there are exceptions.
PegNosePete Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 My dad was 47 and my mum was 27 when they met. Mum had been married before but dad was a bit of a mummy's boy still living at home. They are still together 37 years later. So it can sometimes work, yes.
russt Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Since I've kind of walked the walk, I have some experience to reply. My wife is 12 years older than I. I met her in my 20's, being sexually more experienced than I was, more mature, and more stable. I was drawn to her like a magnet. I'm 40 now, and she's 52, I mean besides the AARP cards showing up for her, hahah, she still has a bundle of energy, and works very hard. But the one thing you can't change is she always be 12 years older than I, her tastes, her likes, dislikes, clothes, mindset, etc are all maturing more than mine. Menopause has arrived a few years ago, serious issues there, her labido is night and day to mine. She gets more and more reclusive about things, like outright avoiding traffic, you know how ole folks get paranoia and drive slow, etc. May not be visible at early on in age but later on it is very visible, part of what attracted me to her 15 years ago, I'm finding is the same part now destroying us, the age gap.
oldguy Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 If she is 16 & he is 35, you bet it does. There are good reasons why there are laws meant to protect 16 yo from 20 yo & as the age increases so the the gap in age difference, usually. I would think that by the time someone is nearly 30 though that difference is insignificant. Generally by time your in your mid to late 20's your at least pretty capable of making good decisions.
oldguy Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Since I've kind of walked the walk, I have some experience to reply. My wife is 12 years older than I. I met her in my 20's, being sexually more experienced than I was, more mature, and more stable. I was drawn to her like a magnet. I'm 40 now, and she's 52, I mean besides the AARP cards showing up for her, hahah, she still has a bundle of energy, and works very hard. But the one thing you can't change is she always be 12 years older than I, her tastes, her likes, dislikes, clothes, mindset, etc are all maturing more than mine. Menopause has arrived a few years ago, serious issues there, her labido is night and day to mine. She gets more and more reclusive about things, like outright avoiding traffic, you know how ole folks get paranoia and drive slow, etc. May not be visible at early on in age but later on it is very visible, part of what attracted me to her 15 years ago, I'm finding is the same part now destroying us, the age gap. Be careful my friend, many times after menopause a woman's libido begins to escalate.:laugh:and I know of a 64 yo woman, grandma in fact, who races a Cobra Kit car on the local circuits, & does quite well.
Seeking_California Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 All this talk about attraction and losing interest, isn't it all so relative? Many people are attracted to older people. It is a fact. I think ultimately, as long as both people want the same things out of a relationship, it doesn't really matter the wheres and whys and hows. So if you really want to know if they are going to work out I think you should rather focus on aspects of their personality and their expectations for the future than the age gap between them.
luvbun80 Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Since I've kind of walked the walk, I have some experience to reply. My wife is 12 years older than I. I met her in my 20's, being sexually more experienced than I was, more mature, and more stable. I was drawn to her like a magnet. I'm 40 now, and she's 52, I mean besides the AARP cards showing up for her, hahah, she still has a bundle of energy, and works very hard. But the one thing you can't change is she always be 12 years older than I, her tastes, her likes, dislikes, clothes, mindset, etc are all maturing more than mine. Menopause has arrived a few years ago, serious issues there, her labido is night and day to mine. She gets more and more reclusive about things, like outright avoiding traffic, you know how ole folks get paranoia and drive slow, etc. May not be visible at early on in age but later on it is very visible, part of what attracted me to her 15 years ago, I'm finding is the same part now destroying us, the age gap. This is so true, even down to the avoiding traffic part. Now I stay out of obligation, since she has come to be very dependent on me, and depends on my health insurance for her age-related health issues. We still get along for the most part but it makes for a very uneven relationship, and I am deeply resentful of her for getting me into this - I feel she being the more mature should have put an end to it. I would not call my story a success. I am sure it works sometimes but it's a challenge to be sure. However maybe it is easier when the man is older since women seem to be naturally more nurturing and cope more easily with low sex.
Author Damia Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 All this talk about attraction and losing interest, isn't it all so relative? Many people are attracted to older people. It is a fact. I think ultimately, as long as both people want the same things out of a relationship, it doesn't really matter the wheres and whys and hows. So if you really want to know if they are going to work out I think you should rather focus on aspects of their personality and their expectations for the future than the age gap between them. thanks for the wide range of perspectives:) Seeking-california I don't know what kind of person my xH AP is.It sounds like she is an extrovert like him and a heavy drinker like him. He has had a vasectomy, she is only 29 . I can not see him having it reversed he behaved like a baby when he had it done and he has no time for the kids he has now. Altho children are not a priority for all woman this may not be an issue. Im really trying to gauge if their relationship will last. I have moved on but would feel better if their relationship failed:o
Lauriebell82 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) Im really trying to gauge if their relationship will last. I have moved on but would feel better if their relationship failed:o This comment leads me to think that you HAVEN'T moved on quite yet. Did you seperate from your husband because he was having an affair, or did this happen after you had already broken up? Either way, if you don't want him back then try to not concern yourself with his current relationship. I suspect that your concerns don't really have to do with their age gap, but more your unresolved resentment over how much he hurt you. Regardless of whether or not it fails, I give you props for being strong enough to leave and not go back to him. Take that strength and try to live your own life. Edited June 20, 2011 by Lauriebell82
Author Damia Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 This comment leads me to think that you HAVEN'T moved on quite yet. Did you seperate from your husband because he was having an affair, or did this happen after you had already broken up? Yes I separated from my H when I found out about the A his second one!(or more if the stories I have heard are true!) Either way, if you don't want him back then try to not concern yourself with his current relationship. I suspect that your concerns don't really have to do with their age gap, but more your unresolved resentment over how much he hurt you. Yes Im sure you are very correct however the feeling that their relationship will fail would complete my healing. Ours is the third M the OW has had a hand in pulling down.Id like to not see her win if that is the right word. Regardless of whether or not it fails, I give you props for being strong enough to leave and not go back to him. Take that strength and try to live your own life. Thank you ,there is no going back only going forward. I feel like I have woken from a long sleep and the future is looking brighter all the time
Lauriebell82 Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Yes Im sure you are very correct however the feeling that their relationship will fail would complete my healing. Ours is the third M the OW has had a hand in pulling down.Id like to not see her win if that is the right word. She isn't the reason why your marriage-and the others-have failed. Your husband is the cause, he chose to have the affair. And SHE had to settle for your ex husband, not much of a prize now is he? If anyone has "won" in this little scenerio, it is you.
Author Damia Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 How right you are LaurieBell ,LOL ,yes I do think I have won. It was not until I stepped back that I saw my H was not the person I thought he was. Thankyou for your wise words
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