fetish Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 My ex and i ended things 4 months ago. She got a little G.I.G.S and started taking the relationship for granted. When i confronted her on her issues and gambling, she'd just say i was being a nag. Anyway, one day i finally had enough and said we weren't going to make it if she didn't work on her issues. So after alot of shouting and arguing, she moves out. Now recently, get a long text saying she wants to get back together and how much she misses me, and how hard it is to move on. I've just gotten to the point where i started dating again. I personally am to the point where i like being single again. I even told her the last time that we talked that i need to be by myself and not ready to be in a r/l again. Its really trying to have you on a leash and trying to keep you in their backyard. Is it really more about them rather than their love for you? Because going back together, they're likely to do the same thing all over again and then back to square one. Maybe It's just me but once they prove once that they can take you for granted and their love can go out the window, whether its a bluff or not, can they be trusted with your heart ever again? Some people might say, "Oh they just need a break", but is that fair?
0hpenelope Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) Now recently, get a long text saying she wants to get back together and how much she misses me, and how hard it is to move on. Not that great to be a recipient of that, is that what you're saying? I've just gotten to the point where i started dating again. I personally am to the point where i like being single again. I even told her the last time that we talked that i need to be by myself and not ready to be in a r/l again. That's beautiful. It really is because you're at peace with yourself and what you want. Confidence defined. Its really trying to have you on a leash and trying to keep you in their backyard. Is it really more about them rather than their love for you? Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not. It depends on what you know of your ex, what your perspective is on the relationship, and the current mindset you possess that you're viewing your situation with. If this is how you feel - and by you saying it, it's clear that this is your bias - then yeah, it's about them. When is it not, though? Your desire to just say "Forget it" is mainly about you and it's also about her, but it's really you. Because going back together, they're likely to do the same thing all over again and then back to square one. It's likely, but if your ex has genuinely changed and assessed herself, then she won't do it. People don't/rarely change fundamentally, but people can change. Does that make sense? Some people do deserve second chances. Question is, have they earned it? Even the bigger question is, do you want to give it to her? Maybe It's just me but once they prove once that they can take you for granted and their love can go out the window, whether its a bluff or not, can they be trusted with your heart ever again? Some people might say, "Oh they just need a break", but is that fair? Again, it's up to you. Want to know what I hear from this, brother? You're reluctant to give her another chance - and how right you are! But the fact that you're struggling means that some part of you is reacting to this possibility with some favor but with a huge dose of doubt. I offer these perspectives because while a reconciliation hasn't personally happened to me, I've seen it happen in my extended family and close family friends. An uncle of mine dated a girl for over 10 years and still got back with his 2nd wife. Reconciliations do happen, but how much are you willing to compromise and give? If you want to reinforce the perspective you're showing that "Yeah, if they've done it before, they'll do it again," you got it. Because that's one way of looking at things. You've given it a shot before, she hasn't changed, she took your love for granted, you gave her chances to work on things, etc. Didn't work. So yeah, keep dating and find another girl that you'd be suited with. Your ex isn't the only chick in the coop. Just another lap around a familiar block. But I've seen different. Four months isn't usually enough time to see genuine changes occur within people and personally, I wouldn't even be open to holding a conversation with former love interests again unless it's been years after the end of the relationship. Space and time for complete detachment and separation. That's the common thing I see with successful reconciliations. The relative I mentioned is actually an exception because his now-wife never really went full NC, but other legitimate factors didn't make full NC possible, which also shows that there are seemingly infinite possibilities towards a reconciliation. It comes down to what you choose to do. Ball's in your court now. Good luck. Edited June 16, 2011 by 0hpenelope
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